I found them and I don't know what to do, on his phone on his laptop.. The pictures are of our friends and his con workers. For the second time now he has let me down.. What do I do?
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I found them and I don't know what to do, on his phone on his laptop.. The pictures are of our friends and his con workers. For the second time now he has let me down.. What do I do?
What sort of "Naughty Pictures" are you concerned about ?
First off, they are HIS phone, and HIS laptop, not yours... you don't do anything. You don't have the right to.
Agree with my colleague, Smoothy - this is what happens when you snoop. There is nothing "you" can do about it.
And, yes, what do you consider "naughty"?
How old are you both?
They act like they are teenagers...Quote:
Originally Posted by Synnen
Actually there is something she can do about it. END THE RELATIONSHIP!
Quote:
Originally Posted by 450donn
- and quickly. Good answer.
I'll agree with that... because what he does with his stuff is his business... so either she gets used to it or she gets out. Its not like they are married with 8 kids or something. A simple Bye-bye will do it.
But she has to learn to respect other peoples stuff... if she wants others to respect hers. It's a two way street. Its important because that alone will ruin the relationship for most people.
How many stories of women complaining about their guys going through their stuff telling them what they can and can't do do we see every year here? Lots of them is the answer.
If you can't have mutual respect and accept others as they are... you don't have a solid foundation for a relationship.
? I'm confused by some of the advice on here. True enough that's his phone and his laptop, but it seems a bit... weird to have naked pics of close female friends. I can completely understand if there were naked pictures of celebrities, models or pornstars, but not people that we hang with on an occasional Saturday night. The pictures seem suspect and shady to me.
If my girlfriend had pictures of a few of our guy friend's and some of her co-worker's penis on both her laptop AND cell phone, you had better believe she'd have some explaining to do. I don't agree with the whole "you look for dirt and find it, oh well you shouldn't have looked" mentality. Right is right and wrong is wrong.
What you do is you ask him about it. Maybe I'm just too blunt and straight forward, but when I find myself with an issue I go straight to the source of the problem and ask questions.
Its simple... there is his stuff, and there is her stuff. He has no right to rummage through her purse, her cell phone or her computer, and she has no right to go through his stuff. Dating someone doesn't make them your property. Boyfriend only means you are dating... Fiancee means you are engaged to be married so there is some expectation of monogamy... married there you can assume the right to monogamy.Quote:
Originally Posted by SentientAndroid
Odd is all a matter of perspective.. and everyone has their own.
Its really all about respect... and she had none for him going through his stuff.
He is only a boyfriend... not her husband. Those are two VERY different situations. And its still uncool for one spouse to violate the personal space of the other spouse because you don't surrender your basic rights when the ring goes on the finger.
I have a horrible bias opinion here I have been cheated on so much that, I would take and look at my boyfriend phone and computer. That makes me a nosy girlfriend I know, I just need to know if I can trust him. If I cannot I ditch him point blank
And most guys would ditch you for doing that... I know I would have back in my single days.Quote:
Originally Posted by nitelight198073
Ok, looking at porn is one thing.
The fact that these are pictures of his friends and coworkers... sends red flags to me. Boyfriend or husband, this is not a healthy relationship for either of them, and it sounds like this relationship should end.
Have you asked him about it? In a non confrontational way?
Wow Smoothy, I guess... we just have differing outlooks on relationships. I guess your mentality on bf/gf is really similar to my very recent ex. I went through her phone just 3 weeks ago and found a ton of texts to another guy saying that she loves him and what not. I would've never looked if I didn't have a reason too (she was exibiting some VERY shady behavior a few weeks prior). I treated the relationship as if we were married honestly. We were together for 4 years and I swear I don't know what I would've done differently if we were married, although she explained to me that she would be different if we were married. She told me that if we were married that she'd be able to give me "all" of her and love me to the fullest. I don't get it because I put emphasis on the actual relationship, not the status of the relationship. She got super pissed at me for going through her phone... even though she had looked through mine a few times in the past (contradicting behavior at its finest).
So basically what you're telling me is that even after 4 years, I had no right to look through her phone even though I found some bs because we were "only" girlfriend and boyfriend?
This site is really good. I've found that by giving advice, reading others advice and seeing how other people interpret relationships has really helped me out a TON with my on relationship issues!
Fair enough, but everyone is entitled to their own opinion, my outlook is if I am with someone boyfriend fiancée or husband. It is an agreement that we will be faithful, if we are just dating hell yeah dip you dong anywhere you want. Or if there is an open relationship agreement. Just so we are clear, It wouldn't bother you if you found out that your girl was looking at other guys/ friends naked?Quote:
Originally Posted by smoothy
Basically, invading someone's privacy is not good. It's one thing if you share a computer/phone or if permission is given to look through pictures or files. It is another to sneak a peek at someone's history or look through their correspondence because you don't trust them.
Greekchick (the op) hasn't been back since she posted the question. It leaves a major question unanswered: What kind of 'naughty' pics? 'Naughty' can mean everything from someone winking to full nudity.
Since this is the 'second' time he let her down, I am inclined to wonder if she making more out of the pictures than is there because part of her is looking for evidence he is behaving badly.
This isn't about the pictures as much as about their relationship and trust. She doesn't trust him. Why stay with someone you don't trust and can't communicate with?
Not if we were dating... She's not beholden to me any more than I am to her at that point... you don't get to that stage of expectation until you get married. I've been married 20 years now... I don't snoop on my wife's computer, cell phone or her purse... and she doesn't on mine. Its called mutual respect for each others person space.Quote:
Originally Posted by nitelight198073
Heck... we look at porn together... neither of us have insecurities about the other looking at better looking people... in fact my wife usually points out the women I would consider hot before I even see them sometimes... and I don't get all upset over guys she thinks are hot looking, and she doesn't need to be quiet about it around me either.
And let me tell you why because its important. Because we both know if the other really wanted to go... they would.. we couldn't stop them... we are together because we want to be together... plus we are comfortible with each other... we know each others likes and dislikes and have learned to live with them. In a sense, we are very compatible with each other. And we trust and respect each other. Neither of us puts ourselves or our wants above the other persons wants or needs.
What is always a problem is people thinking "ME"... when they should be thinking "WE".
CHECKING on him isn't TRUSTING him.Quote:
Originally Posted by nitelight198073
It's the most blatantly obvious form of NOT trusting him that I can think of.
You either trust him or you don't... checking isn't going to change your trust level.
The OTHER major question that hasn't been answered is how old the OP is.
Frankly, I'm not comfortable answering questions about sexuality to a minor, so I'd really like the OP to come back and answer that question.
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