My boyfriend of 3 years and I have a pretty good relationship except for two MAJOR problems . The first is that he has become very unreliable as of late. He used to be really good about calling when he said he would and answering his phone when he knew I was going to call him. Lately, however, he almost never calls when he says he will (I wait a while and then give up and call him). This really frustrates me because I see it as disrespectful and distancing. It's not that hard to remember you promised your girlfriend you would call her, especially when you used to remember and do so with ease.

The second major problem: He's cheap! He has already graduated from college and is making a good living. I am still in college and am struggling to save money to pay off my credit cards. Yet he still expects me to drive to his apartment instead of him coming to see me every once in a while. His argument is that he has his own place while I live with my parents, so if we want to spend the weekend together, it makes more sense for me to come to him. OK, I'll buy that, but would it hurt him to throw a few bucks my way to help me out, since I'm doing all the driving? Gas ain't cheap and he lives a good distance away. I'm spending almost all my earnings on gas to go see him and he still complains when he has to buy me dinner. Yep, that's right, oftentimes, on top of everything, he even asks me to pick up the check for our evenings out. He usually says he doesn't have any money (apparently, he spends his entire paycheck within a week of getting it).

All this makes me really angry and frustrated, because I feel like he's taking advantage of me. If it were one or the other, I might be OK with it, but he disrespects me by not calling when he says he will and then refuses to see things from my POV financially. I don't mean to make him sound like an . He's a good boyfriend, for the most part. I just need to know whether I'm overreacting about these issues. If I'm not, what should I do to turn things around?

Gently remind him that relationships should be 50/50, it's give and take for both parties. You are not his mommy and not his chauffeur. Besides, you can't even write him off on your taxes as a dependent.
If you feel as though he is taking advantage of you, it's because he is.
Tell cowboy to pony up or find a new girlfriend to leech off.

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Originally Posted by Countrygrl4509

My boyfriend of 3 years and I have a pretty good relationship except for two MAJOR problems . The first is that he has become very unreliable as of late. He used to be really good about calling when he said he would and answering his phone when he knew I was going to call him. Lately, however, he almost never calls when he says he will (I wait a while and then give up and call him). This really frustrates me because I see it as disrespectful and distancing. It's not that hard to remember you promised your girlfriend you would call her, especially when you used to remember and do so with ease.

The second major problem: He's cheap! He has already graduated from college and is making a good living. I am still in college and am struggling to save money to pay off my credit cards. Yet he still expects me to drive to his apartment instead of him coming to see me every once in a while. His argument is that he has his own place while I live with my parents, so if we want to spend the weekend together, it makes more sense for me to come to him. OK, I'll buy that, but would it hurt him to throw a few bucks my way to help me out, since I'm doing all the driving? Gas ain't cheap and he lives a good distance away. I'm spending almost all my earnings on gas to go see him and he still complains when he has to buy me dinner. Yep, that's right, oftentimes, on top of everything, he even asks me to pick up the check for our evenings out. He usually says he doesn't have any money (apparently, he spends his entire paycheck within a week of getting it).

All this makes me really angry and frustrated, because I feel like he's taking advantage of me. If it were one or the other, I might be OK with it, but he disrespects me by not calling when he says he will and then refuses to see things from my POV financially. I don't mean to make him sound like an . He's a good boyfriend, for the most part. I just need to know whether I'm overreacting about these issues. If I'm not, what should I do to turn things around?

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I can understand him not wanting to go to your parents house if he has a place where you two can have your privacy. If you say he spends his whole pay check in one week, is this money spent on bills?
Maybe he is barely making ends meet like millions of Americans. You know, living pay check to pay check. After he pays his bills, there may not be monies for entertainment.

I myself have been in financial positions where I couldn't afford to wine and dine my girlfriend. Sad!

I do think this guy is cheap as hell... asking a working student to drive when he has a job? What a miser.

I personally am all about saving money, but I do have a very well-paying job now and I'm not about to give up my nookie to save 10 bucks on gas... :cool:

He is kind of selfish, he holds on to his idea on MONEY. He needs some growing. Try talk to him about him being cheap... see what he says. If he insists staying that cheap then u problly need to take some action(not leaving him) but make sure he knows his selfishness!!

Superfed disagrees: These people are not married. Her boyfriend is not obligated to spend his hard earned cash on her... Why do women expect a man to foot the bill 100% of the time?

He is cheap, I understand that they are dating but they are not even 50/50. She is a working student, but he is already gradauted and makes a good living. Not 100% but at least 50/50! Can he do that? Seems not!

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Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

Superfed disagrees: These people are not married. Her boyfriend is not obligated to spend his hard earned cash on her... Why do women expect a man to foot the bill 100% of the time?

He is cheap, I understand that they are dating but they are not even 50/50. She is a working student, but he is already gradauted and makes a good living. Not 100% but at least 50/50! Can he do that? Seems not!!

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You are just taking her side of the story. Remember, there are two sides to every story.
And how do you know he makes enough money after he pays his monthly bills to spend money on her. Did you ever think he may have student loans to pay back?

And how do you know how much money he has in his bank account?

Then don't go see him, tell him no way till he starts showing some responsibility.

Either you don't complain about him being cheap, or he doesn't complain about paying for your dinner. If he wants to you pay for everything then that's TOO much, girl! I still can't stand on that he COMPLAINS on paying for your dinner, then why he wants to date you?

Well if he is not calling you and distancing himself for you I would say he may be having second thoughts on this relationship.

You do not know what this guy is paying for or what his financial obligations are. Everyone thought I had this great paying job and had all this extra income but I was struggling. I had debt to repay and student loans. Its not always what you think.

You cannot expect your boyfriend to pay you to come see him. If you don't want to drive to see him then don't. Tell him to come pick you up because you can't afford the gas. If you can't then maybe you need to move on.

A lot of you guys are right. He does have college loans to pay off. And I know he has no financial obligation to me since we're not married. But my fears are that one day we might be married, and he's going to be totally irresponsible with both of our money. He has these debts but he doesn't hesitate to spend thousands of dollars on extravagant things for himself AND he doesn't hesitate to ask me to spend money I don't have on him. And I know he's not actively trying to get rid of his debt. His plan is to wait until we're married and use our combined income to pay off his debt.

Hello.

There is always two sides to every story.

His not calling is the first sign that he is losing interest, unless your wanting him to call you all the time and he is working full time and needs some time to himself to relax. BUT he should still call, maybe not as much as you want him to.

Not helping you with the gas to come see him is another sign that he is playing you. I bet his idea of a great time together is you visiting and jumping into bed. That could make you more of a booty call then a Girlfriend.

I think you need to have a real sit down with him and talk about where this is going. If he cares he will be honest and show you that he doesn't have any money left over after payday if that's the case. There is always a way to see each other.

Good Luck
Dennis777

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His plan is to wait until we're married and use our combined income to pay off his debt.

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He holds on to money too much! Use part of your money to pay off his debt?
What a "wonderful" plan? Do you know what is he doing with his money now he is making?

First of all, if he doesn't call when he says he will, don't call him instead like you've been doing. Simply refuse to wait around for his calls. In this day and age technology is such that you don't need to be "home" when expecting a phone call and put yourself out in order to take one. Answering machines do the trick. And you can take a cell phone with you wherever you go and be able to take any call the minute you receive it, or very shortly thereafter. As for the expense of gasoline traveling to and from his home, just don't spend more than you can afford, period. If he wants to see you but you can't afford gas money, just tell him "I'm sorry, but I can't. I don't have any money for gas." I have a hunch that if you do that and stick to your guns, he'll find a way to see you without your having to spend money you don't have for gas.

You get the respect you demand, and even then sometimes you don't get it.

Right or wrong, he's found his "comfort zone" for this relationship. He's willing to do a little work here and there, and its not up to your standards.

The very best thing you can do is have a straight up heart to heart, and after that you have a choice to make. I get his wanting you to come to his place to some degree, and he may just not be thinking about gas and money. I drove miles and miles to see a girl I dated who was anywhere from one to five hours away from me when we were in school. Never once did she throw a buck my way, and I never expected her to. My choice to go.

Picking up the tab is a different issue. While I tend toward the old tradition of footing the bill more often than not, my concern is more his lack of discipline financially.

Its hard to manage money sometimes, especially when you are starting, but his actions (blowing it immediately) show a tendency for little long term thought and poor immediate planning. Been there, done that.

But its still no excuse. He should be able to set aside a few dollars along the way to have for your time together. Its what responsible adults do. At least those who don't want to get screwed all the time about money.

So... if you feel like he isn't giving you the attention you want by not returning calls, he's not willing to come see you cause he can't shack with the parents there, and he isn't willing to plan for your dates together... well... why are you in this with him?

Outside of telling him how you feel and seeing his response, you can't make someone be anything they don't want to be. If this is his comfort zone, you need to decide if its good enough for you. if you stay you arent allowed to complain. You know how he is.

Again, you get the respect you demand, at best, and sometimes not even that.

Just leave the guy! A man who really loves you, wants to spend money on you. Don't stay frustrated at every birthday he "forgets" calling Valentinesday "commercial scam", missing out on X-mas presents.. You'll get so frustrated, especially when you are going to see friends getting everything from their guy. Believe me, get out while you can.


Whatever. It is still the man who has to do the effort to get the girl, pick her up, pick up the check etc. As a girl you can pick up the check, once in a while, but for small things. For god's sake your not his mother.
What has become of today's men?