Let me try and tell a part of this story before, I get into now, and maybe some one can figture it out, cause I can't. Here it goes. My husband and I got married in 1997, we had been together a year and a half before we got married, before we got married, a years past and I got a call for me to come get my kids that they're father had been put in jail.
I though this is great I findally get my kids back, so I got them and brought them home to live here with us, well things were okay at first, then both the kids and the husband started not to get along, and I was in the middle, trying my best for both sides, well things got bad, I started getting depress, I was manager of a store working from 6am to 6-7pm 7 days a week, plus on top of this I'm going through menopause, my sex drive as at a all time low to none,didn't even want it, I went from 130 to 168 lbs. and it got worst for 8 years, now at this point my husband is hounding me about sex, he wanted it all the time, well I wasn't in the mood, you know, he came to me one day and said that we were going to have to do something that this just wasn't working, and I'm said " do what you have to do , I know that your not happy".
Well as I laid in bed one night, when he came home from a friend house, his cell rings, and I over hear a girl on the other end, well I got every upset, and it really snaped me out of what ever I was in. I'm very much in love with my husband, anyway, I called the girl, and turns out she was the sister of one of his friends, that she is 41, and my husband is 53, that they had been together twice, I do him that he needed to choose who he wanted to be with, well he told her that he wanted to be with me, now never since then we have been working on getting back our relationship, before he wanted sex all the time, and now it's like he doesn't even want it from me, like he use to, I went to the doctor and he put me on prempro, and it really has help me, now my sex drive is like when I was in my 20's, I've tried 4 times to come on to him and 4 times I heard I'm sick, but when he wants it when he is ready or when he sees that I'm getting into one of my moods, and then he makes it feel like a chore. I don't know how much more I can take, I love him so much, we have been together for 12 years. And the thing is, I have change, I'm down to 127lbs. I've dyed my hair blonde, I wear sexy shirts, put my makeup on everyday, do my hair, and keep myself smelling good. So what's wrong with me? Should I make a big deal out of this? Should I hang in there? I have tired everything, from buying toys from us to try to dvd's,
I just don't know what to do that will get him to notice me the way he use too.

I'm 61, my wife is 55 and we stopped having sex three years ago because, in her words, "I haven't been interested in years". I miss it but I don't have much interest in trying to get it back with her, and I'm not a philanderer, so I'm learning to do without. If you figure out how to get your husband to want it again, let me know what worked and I'll try it. I wish I had a solution to offer you, but all I can give is my sympathy. There's always counseling or couples therapy if you can get him to go. I suggested it, but my wife declined.

I agree with ordinaryguy. You can go to counseling. My question is have you been to your doctor and gotten a complete physical? Not one of those one minute of the doctor asking how you are and out the door. But complete with blood work and the whole story of what is going and not going on. You went through menopause! Maybe there are something's that can be done to get yourself back to where you once were. Maybe you are going through a depression. Maybe you need some hormone replacement therapy. Maybe you need just a strong shoulder to cry on. But you deserve to find out what you can do, if for no other reason, for you to feel better about yourself. Making physical changes is great but look inside too.

About your husband - you can suggest or ask that he go to a counselor with you or at least go by himself. Good luck to you and your marriage.

Boop, I see a contradiction between what you say in the title of your post,

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I don't feel sexy anymore

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and what you say later,

Quote:

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I went to the doctor and he put me on prempro, and it really has help me, now my sex drive is like when I was in my 20's

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That sounds like you feel plenty sexy, but your husband doesn't, or at least not toward you. My guess is that he's still smarting from your sexual rejection of him when you didn't feel like it, and now he's returning the treatment (maybe not consciously) to even the score. There's been a lot of hurt between you. You both have to want it healed.

Great insight, ordinaryguy. I missed that part about the prempro. Thanks for catching that. So, boop, you are going to have to decide what you are going to do. I still think some counseling would help you. At least get your focus straight.