Coping with the death of your first love
I just recently found out that my Bf just couldn`t hold on any longer... he was diagnosed with Small cell carcinoma. When we started , he had to go to the hospital , since his he was bleeding , I was scared , I thought that was the worst it could get .
One night he told me that he was dying , tears dripping down both of our faces , he doesn`t cry since he says it`s "" but that night , he couldnt hold them in "how am I suppose to tell the love of my life , that I`m dying" "don`t let this hold you back , find someone that`ll make you happy.. sad to say". Though our 5 months is in just a couple days , it`s heartbreaking he`s not here to share it with me . He was perfect for me , I loved the things he hated about himself , he`s just like me , talks like me , it`s insane , most of all loved me regardless of my appearance , but for what makes up me .
I can`t even touch my phone , I texted him "Go to the hospital now" cause the pain was ubearable that night , he knew he would have to stay there , what really got me is the last thing he told me was "bye bye <3" still hits me . I admit , I`m young , we both are young he`s just 8 days older than me .
I accepted it , we knew it was all coming , but it turns out , I`m not dealing with any of this well . Suicidal thoughts are just bleeding out of my mind , I feel like ripping my skin apart... I just don`t want to wake up in tears every morning . What do I do ? I must admit , it`s so hard when your parents just don`t understand , I can`t even go to my family . Life`s lonely & I wan`t out .
Maybe it was a bad idea... texting him , though I knew that I won`t ever get a response back .
---sowiee for my life story ):
Thankies , I just really need all the help .