I'm a junior in college and I've only had 2 girlfriends in my life, neither lasting more than a month. It's been a year and a half since I've even been on a date with a girl. At this point, I really can't see why any girl would ever want to date me.

But I wanted to ask your opinion on a couple of hypothetical scenarios:

1. What if I started dating a girl, and after 3 weeks into the relationship I simply stopped calling her or answering my phone if she calls, and ignored all emails and text messages too? Would she just be like "whatever" and look for someone else?

2. Same as above, but what if 3 weeks into the relationship I said "I don't think we should be together anymore. I think you could do a lot better than a loser like me."?

With a mentality like that, you won't even find a dog that likes to be around you.

Your questions don't really have any relevance to the real problem at hand, which is your low self confidence. Just because the two women that you dated only lasted a month, that doesn't mean you are a loser. Dating is just dating. It is a way to find out if the two of you are compatible, and want a longer term relationship. Most times it doesn't work out, and it isn't anything against you.

Figure out how to work on liking yourself enough, otherwise, if you date someone you will project your poor self esteem onto them, and it will be over before it even starts.

I even compiled a list of 20 reasons I wouldn't be a good boyfriend, and emailed it to every person in my college-age church group. I just wanted to warn everyone in advance not to consider me for a possible relationship.

Did you really seriously do that? Why don't you try and make a list of 20 reason why you would make a good boyfriend, or even friend?

Post your 20 reasons on here, I would like to see why you don't think you are a great guy.

1. I have nothing in common with girls.
2. I've never accomplished anything in life.
3. I'm not successful.
4. I have no musical talent.
5. I have no artistic talent.
6. I have no athletic ability.
7. I am a nerd.
8. I never dated in high school.
9. I never went to senior prom.
10. I'm not very attractive.
11. I'm not very intelligent.
12. I was not popular in high school.
13. I don't have very much money.
14. I am a boring person.
15. I can't dance.

OK, so it's only 15 things, digging up the old email. I thought I wrote 20 things. Maybe I thought of 5 other things since then, but didn't write them down or something.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jordan1989

1. I have nothing in common with girls.
2. I've never accomplished anything in life.
3. I'm not successful.
4. I have no musical talent.
5. I have no artistic talent.
6. I have no athletic ability.
7. I am a nerd.
8. I never dated in high school.
9. I never went to senior prom.
10. I'm not very attractive.
11. I'm not very intelligent.
12. I was not popular in high school.
13. I don't have very much money.
14. I am a boring person.
15. I can't dance.

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Okay, let's break this down.
1. I'm sure that's not true. Every girls does/likes/dislikes different things. I'm sure there are several you have things in common with.
2. You're 20. I'm 23. I have about 1 major accomplishment. I graduated high school. I even dropped out of college.
3. I'm not either! I am the lowest in seniority where I work, and I dropped out of college.
4, 5, 6, 7. That sounds like most nerds to me. Including me. The only difference is musical ability... I was in band. I haven't played much of anything since high school though.
8. I know plenty of people who didn't date. I only had 1 girlfriend in high school.
9. Senior prom is definitely overrated. I wouldn't have minded at all if I didn't go to mine.
10. You are only as attractive as you make yourself. If you don't like the way you look, you can change that! New hairstyle, glasses instead of contact lenses and vice versa, skin care if you have acne, different facial hair... there are so many ways to change your look.
11. Personality weighs a lot more than intelligence in a relationship. If you've got a little bit of common sense, you're fine. Just be a good person.
12. High school is the past. It's been 5 years. I still talk to a grand total of about 10 people from my high school.
13. College students don't have money. That's just the way things go.
14. Maybe you're boring to some people. That doesn't mean everyone. This goes along with #1... you're not boring to people who are interested in the same things as you.
15. Dancing isn't a requirement for a relationship. I know lots of people who can't dance. I know people who can, but won't. I'm never out on a dance floor unless I get a few drinks in me first :)

Really, it sounds to me like you're not unable to find a date, you've CHOSEN not to, and are trying to find reasons to rationalize it to others. If you don't want to date, then don't! I've had a total of 2 relationships since I started high school. Dating just isn't for me, right now.

If you really are trying to find a date, then all you need to do is give yourself a little credit. If you think you're worthless, so will everyone else. You have to believe in yourself to make others believe in you too.

Well, sounds like you're very unhappy with yourself.

My advice would be to start making changes, put yourself out there, and learn about yourself.

Don't sit around and feel sorry for yourself, instead be proactive.

Become someone you can love, and someone that you can happily present to people.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jordan1989

1. I have nothing in common with girls.
2. I've never accomplished anything in life.
3. I'm not successful.
4. I have no musical talent.
5. I have no artistic talent.
6. I have no athletic ability.
7. I am a nerd.
8. I never dated in high school.
9. I never went to senior prom.
10. I'm not very attractive.
11. I'm not very intelligent.
12. I was not popular in high school.
13. I don't have very much money.
14. I am a boring person.
15. I can't dance.

OK, so it's only 15 things, digging up the old email. I thought I wrote 20 things. Maybe I thought of 5 other things since then, but didn't write them down or something.

---

\
Well,are you at least a Democrat? : )

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jordan1989

1. I have nothing in common with girls.
2. I've never accomplished anything in life.
3. I'm not successful.
4. I have no musical talent.
5. I have no artistic talent.
6. I have no athletic ability.
7. I am a nerd.
8. I never dated in high school.
9. I never went to senior prom.
10. I'm not very attractive.
11. I'm not very intelligent.
12. I was not popular in high school.
13. I don't have very much money.
14. I am a boring person.
15. I can't dance.

---

1. me neither. If I did, I wouldn't really want to date them...
2. Me neither? I mean, I graduated college and all... but really, has anyone actually accomplished anything in their lives in their 20s? I own my own business... but it's not an accomplishment until I sell it and make a profit off it.
3. Who is?
4.. . I have played 5 instruments and quit all of them.
5. I can't even color in the lines in a coloring book.
6.. . I MAY have that one... but the last time I played bball, I got hit in the head.
7. Me too. Math/comp sci major and pre-med focus. w00t.
8. I'm not sure if I dated.. . did I?
9. I did. It was a waste of a lot of money. My date and I ended up getting a limo, me paying about $600 at the end of the night... for a lousy 6 hours.
10.. . who actually thinks they're attractive? I don't think about that. I walk outside, and if the little children don't start crying after they look at me, I feel OK.
11. Am I intelligent? As a math major, I stunk at it. As a pre-med guy... I was REALLY bad at it... but hey, still applying to med schools.
12. Ummm... I was the 1 out of 6 asian kids in a school with 700 african americans and 200 hispanics. Oh, and I was a huge nerd... do you ACTUALLY think I was popular?
13. Who has money when they're 20? I'm in debt. And I'm HOPING that if I get into med school, I'll be about 150k in debt. I'm actually HOPING for it.
14. As long as I entertain myself, the world can screw themselves.
15. I flap my arms while doing the carlton.. . who cares?

You, my friend, have a list of things that no one really cares about. Things you SHOULD care about are:

1. Leprosy. If you have it, this should be a pretty big problem.
2. Felony. If you have a felony on your record, this should go up there.

Other than that, girls really could care less whether you can dance, sing, juggle, have money, etc. Sure, they're great ice breakers, but no. one. Cares.