Ask Me Help Desk - Falling out of love

Why do people fall out of love?

For many reasons.

In my experience it was because over time, particularly when young, people change. Circumstances change. The person you are at 16 is completely different to the one you are at 23 and the person at 30.

For many personal reasons. Things change, people change. Some for better, others for worse.

It's hard to answer this question because each cirumstance for "falling out of love" has it's own reasons.

Skell quoting your own situation. Once again I must ssay people fall out of love cause the spark and the excitement fades. Love at a young age nmust be kept up even at 23 show no mercy!! Never let her know she has you she will burn you and find a guy who she isn't to sure about...

There is no love just a made up word for people who have feelings and miss someone...

I think I said that Mac. If you read my post it says "in my experience". Pretty clear to see.

All your doing is quoting your situation. That's all most people do. Thanks again Wildcat. Or should I say Mac.

I have to say that your idea of love doesn't sound very appealing or healthy. I agree that early on in a relationship you have to keep things exciting and full of life. Heck, you have to try and do that forever. No doubt. BUt that isn't done by playing games. But the way you put it is like love is just one big game that you play with your partner until the day you die. No honesty and true communication of your feelings, nothing like that. Just one almighty big game. It doesn't work like that mate, and its people who think like that who ultimately get burned. Not the honest and sincere people who act like adults.

The poster wasn't just asking about love at a young age. I don't see her mention the word young at all.

Listen to people like tal who has endured a long and successful marriage. OK, I'm sure he has his ups and downs and I'm sure he still has to find ways to keep it exciting and fresh, but he will also tell you that playing games and devising tactics isn't the foundation of a healthy and successful relationship. I get the point you are trying to make but once again I question your motives.

Just another bent on things from me here. Somewhat of a personal testimony and witness on my part in order to help to answer rockerchick_682's question.

"Why do people fall out of love?" A deep question and worthy of discussion. Asking such a question would warrant discourse as to what love as well as friendship are, in terms of the contrasts and similarities between the two, and the definition of the state of being at which one finds oneself to be involved in such with another person in either state of being with another.

I don't know that people really fall out of love. In my own personal experience, I have had numerous "loves" with women in my life. Did I ever quit loving some of them? No. Even though I still love some of them, did I choose to move on with my life and grow to love another? Yes. Did I truly love every one of them? No. Did some of them do things in their lives and in our relationship that would make me think twice about continuing a relationship with them? Yes. Did I do things in my life and in our relationship that would make them think twice about continuing a relationship with me? Yes.

Am I still on speaking terms with some of them, and to the extent that we could consider us "friends" with each other? Yes. (Getting into who are your real "friends" are as compared to who your "really good acquaintances are" is very much along the same lines as trying to define what "love" is.)

Yours is a really tough question to answer as well as to discuss. I don't think that there is any set answer.

I'm not going to get into what I think love is, because that would open up a another whole discussion. But, I do want to present a case in point from my own life that might help guide you into understand and assimilating an answer for your own life.

Several decades ago, when I was in college and dating a number of women, there were just a few that I could say with whom I was in love. For me, love between persons, is a very deep, personal thing that goes beyond any simple definition. It is not just something that is physical, but something that also involves one's mind and soul as well as heart.

One of the women and I decided to get married. Did I not love the other two? Yes, I did love them. Did the love between I and each of the other two fall? No. But, circumstances being that they were, I married one of the three. I even invited both of the other women to the wedding. One of them showed up. Some years later, when I saw the one that didn't come to the wedding, I found that she was happily married and living a good life. She said to me, that even though she was happily married, that she did not have the deep kinds of meaningful discussions with her husband like the ones that she and I would share. Was her not having the same kinds of discussions with her husband like she and I had shared something that would be a missing factor in her marriage? No. Did we still love each other? I think so. But, our getting married might not have been a good "fit" in other ways. There were factors in her marriage, other than deep discussions, that made their marriage whole, with body and substance such as to make it sound.

I like and can appreciate all of the answers above. They are based upon each individual's understanding and experience as well as encounters with others. But, I really like what Rockabilly1955mama in particular had to say::

Quote:

For many personal reasons. Things change, people change. Some for better, others for worse.

It's hard to answer this question because each circumstance for "falling out of love" has it's own reasons.

I like the simplicity of her answer. Even though it is simple, it speaks volumes.

The reasons that people "fall out of love" can be as varied and many as there are differences in each snowflake that falls. When you think that you have fallen out of love, it is best to cherish the memories of the good things that happened, live with the knowledge that you have gained by "falling our of love," and to just move on with your life. Maybe you will be friends with that person, and maybe you will never meet again. Only time and circumstances will tell.

And, the older you get, the more reasons you will find there to be for "why people fall out of love."

A lot of the time it's because people change often and seek new thins in their lives, and even though they are happy with what they have, they want something better. More excitement, new adventures.. new people. It's human nature, but some people can fight the urge to leave what they know and love (lucky for whoever they are with). I guess that everyone has a different reason, but I think that we can all agree, it usually sucks.

A Quote I Love

Love Doesn't Fade. Only A Persons Will To Make It Work

It takes a lot of patience and work to have a relationship.

For whatever reasons people change, get tied or bored and do not want to do the work necessary to keep a relationship going. Most times its no ones fault they just do not want to do it any more. As long as two people are willing to work hard then they have a good chance of ofgrowing together and working together. Skell is right as in 33 years a lot of things have come up to test how well the wife and I can deal with the rough spots. We both still work hard at this relationship, and we survive and keep going. The other posters are correct though, as people grow and change all the time and sometimes they grow apart or want to go different ways in life. An interesting thing to note is, most of the married people we hung around with are divorced now, and have remarried a number of times. You just can never know what life will throw at you next, and if you will survive, or get kicked to the curb.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

You just can never know what life will throw at you next, and if you will survive, or get kicked to the curb.

So, So true.

:P... love is unpredictable, it's illogical, and it hit's u when you least expect it. But most people fall out of love because the situation changed between them or because they have changed and grown apart. I must say I agree with mckenzie134 on one thing... giving too much and always being there isn't a good idea. She or he will think that you are a shure catch and will start letting upp, sometimes it even goes as far as breaking upp for a time and he or she will get another partner and try it with him or her just to see if it's better. But all this depends on the persons involved, some stay together even dough love died between them.. and that's just sad. In my opinion love needs to be nurtured in a subtle way... don't give too much of yourself and don't ask too much from your partner.. comunication and mutual acceptance is key to a long and healthy relationshp.(not to mention good sex) Another reason why love fades away is marrige and the problems it brings. Babies, why!. because men R BIG BABIES!. and if all the attention is focused on the new family member then HE will be extreamly upset. Not to mention that things which seemed irrelevant prior to being marryed will usually become HUUGE problems, because they are staying together now in one house. Despite all the things that can go wrong in a relationship there are plenty of couples that do make it and find that they develop a deeper trust and understanding, not to mention mutual love as time passes. :P... in my opinion your girlfriend or boyfriend should also be your best friend and a person with whom you feel "AT HOME".

I reckon being strong and happy alone, being able to stand on your own two feet owns anything!

We can't forget balance as people forget who they are and become discontented when we lose who we are and stop doing the things that make us happy, without our partners. Its important to know what makes you happy, and not put that burden on your partner. Lack of balance, and honest communications, is a big dealbreaker to my thinking.