Life long love and friendship has been harmed
Good evening,
I am brand new to the site and have never sought help for anything in my personal life on the internet but sometimes a different perspective is needed and someone might see things from a different angle or from one's own personal experience. Here goes:
Up front I must explain our (my friend) respective situations. We met when he was 19 and I was 15 - we are both from a small town in the Southern U.S. For me, it was love (albeit puppy love) at first sight. He was quiet, shy and very smart. We dated and had many good times, laughs and playful fun when we were young. The year was 1966.
He left and went on to college, to become a senior pilot for a major airline and is now working as an engineer with a defense contracting company on the West Coast of the United States. He has been with a partner for over ten years. They are not married but live together and he supports her three children from a previous marriage.
I am married, no children and have a very busy work life as I own my own business and have for over twenty five years.
About five and a half years ago he contacted by email. Here in the U.S. we have an internet site called Classmates.com which allows you to find those you were in school with if you join the site. He joined the site, I had joined as well - he wrote to me and we have been writing and talking ever since. We have not seen each other since 1969.
My marriage has been less than happy - not making excuses here - just stating a fact. There are many factors involved why we have not divorced - the business being the prime factor.
During our writings and telephone calls we both admitted we had loved each other since we were young kids. We have grown to know each other - as best as we can - by phone and letters. We both made a decision that we would not leave a legacy of pain to our current partners and would not do anything to hurt them - so we have kept things very hands off so to speak.
However, during our talks he had mentioned to me in passing that it had been many years (since his mom had passed away) that anyone had given him a wrapped gift for his birthday or Christmas. We both grew up in military families where those days were really a big deal - so for his birthday I started wrapping little silly things like magnets, gift cards, calendars etc. and sending them to him. He was always so touched and he did send me cards and always called on my birthday.
Two years ago, he didn't send a card, didn't call - was silent. A few days later came an email with 1000 excuses why a card wasn't sent, why he didn't call - why he didn't email - I was deeply hurt and let him know that. He stopped calling, writing or communicating for nearly three months. I apologized in both an email and phone calls for over-reacting and was more saddened at the loss of our friendship. We came back together and things were fine until my birthday this year - and it happened again. Birthday passed and two days later I got an email with all the excuses - no Happy Birthday - nothing. I waited four days before sending him an email saying that I was very hurt and was going to let go of our friendship and relationship because I just get too hurt over things and he obviously doesn't care.
Well, here I am a month later and he has done the same thing - no note, no call, no card = no nothing. I certainly didn't want to walk away from the friendship but I tend to do that when I get hurt - instead of blowing up and arguing I pull away and go into a shell (it is a survival thing). I am assuming that he just does not care - and didn't care two years ago when it first happened. I feel as though I have been really quite foolish in believing that care was there when it wasn't.
I don't and haven't ever believed that there would be some great and grand romantic hook up made if our situations ever changed. I am more hurt over the friendship not being as bonded as I believed it to be. All my friends seem to have enough care within them to at least wish me a happy birthday or whatever - and I do the same with them. If I miss one of their days I do all I can to make the situation right.
This all probably sounds quite foolish and senseless - but for me it is very sad. I miss his calls and letters but I also believe if he really did care about me as a friend he would have written or called by now - he knows where I am and he knows how hurt I am.
Any insight would be much appreciated. And thank you in advance for not judging me too harshly.
Peanuts and Diamonds