Wife had a two night stand... I can not get over it.
I need help...
It has been almost 2 years since my wife had an affair... and I am still crazy over it.
I married my high school sweat heart. We had never been with anyone else up until the affair. We had been married 12 years and have two children. I trusted her with all my heart and soul. Se went away for school (working on her graduate degree), and had gone away for school many times in our relationship. Two years ago while away for 12 days, a married man in her class hit on her and asked her to sleep with him.
She said she struggled with the decision but decided to go for it... just two days after our 12 wedding anniversary. They had sex two nights in a row. The first night she said that it took him forever to "finish"... in fact the condom fell off insider of her... To make him "finish" she told him to go into her unprotected... so he did. (she has an IUD so she thought she was "protected" ). She said it was not that enjoyable for her and that she was scared that he would tell someone so she agreed to have sex with him a second night. I found out later that she was more than willing to go for it a second time.
The second night he went down on her.. and she said she had an incredible orgasm... She kept in contact with him via Facebook, and had every intention of doing it again the next summer.
However, she started to get worried about STD's... she figured that since he was married he was "safe"... so she got tested... and hid it from me...
A few months after the affair I opened a bill and saw the std testing... she told me that it was a normal thing they do with women that get IUDs'... that the doctor does it more because they can't trust the spouse, and if an STD is present that he is not aware of it is bad for the woman...
I bought it hook line and sinker.. two months later I found another bill for more STD testing and confronted her..
She finally came clean. It took her 4 hours until she even said she was sorry... She viewed it as some life experience that she was entitled to... she gave into the lust.. she said...
My wive has no empathy... never has.. so this was not new to me.. but she distroyed me... I asked So was he better than me.. and she paused and said well... yes... in one way... and them went on to tell of his oral technique...
I got us into counseling immediately, and she was given an chance to leave the relationship if she wanted to.. she chose to stay...
At that point my world was rocked, and I was trying to hang on with everything that I could...
Now nearly 2 years later I am still emotionally crushed by it all. I want very much to "get even" with the guy she slept with... (I know this is misplaced anger) I also cannot get the vision of the two of them out of my head... Sex is very hard for me...
My wife says she loves me, and that she did not intend to hurt me, and that it had nothing to do with me... but I feel so rejected... so conflicted... so hurt.. I am a wreck...
To make matters worse, it turns out she "we" did get an std... we now carry the cancer causing strain of the HPV virus... My wife has already had one PAP with abnormal cells.
Has anyone else been here.. what can I do...