Somehow I think I already know what the answer is. I usually try to help other people the best I can even though I am not an expert. I even keep in contact with a few members here.
I searched on here and I am not sure I read anything the same. There are so many of you/us that suffer when we lose a loved one. I lost one very recently and it packed a wallop because we stopped talking over nothing. Something ridiculous. If I don't get any responses on how to deal with this other than "There is nothing you can do to bring him back.", then let me at least say this; (sorry, punctuation) DO NOT hold a grudge. Do not wait to talk to the person to clear things up. Do not wait for the other person to come to you. Even though the person who passed would not want you to suffer, you may. I know I am and it is very trying. I cannot express clearly right now how awful of a feeling it is. Even though I am offering some advice, I know I sound like a hypocrite because I did not talk to this person for a while and then he suddenly passed very young. If not for anything, thanks for letting me vent and hopefully what I write will reach some of you. If not, this may be deleted and that's OK too. Bless you all!

There are many platitudes.. sometimes one rings true to the op,and sometimes nothing that's said can take away hurt.
I'm going to throw one in now.. time heals all wounds..
Its true... however I've found in my own experience,you may never heal completely,but learn to live with it.
Every day that passes is one step closer to the day when you can think about the situation,person, and smile.. in the meantime.. keep on keeping on.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by redhed35

there are many platitudes..sometimes one rings true to the op,and sometimes nothing thats said can take away hurt.
im going to throw one in now..time heals all wounds..
its true...however ive found in my own experience,you may never heal completely,but learn to live with it.
every day that passes is one step closer to the day when you can think about the situation,person, and smile..in the meantime..keep on keeping on.

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I should delete this already. Only cause I think I know the answer as I've said. It just hurts so much right now but believe me, I'm not looking for sympathy. Not at all. I know that in time the pain will dissipate but now it feels so darn bad. Sent a letter to the person and it came back. I had the wrong address. Wonder of course if the person knew how much I really loved him. He does. He must. Sure there's more but it doesn't matter. He's gone and I can't talk to him. I want people to know not to hold a grudge or let a misunderstanding go without clearing it up. I gave it some time but I think you just have to go through the motions and emotions. There is no short cut. Time will heal as you've said. Thanks there.

Ach,this is the real crappy bit..
Think it makes it worse when you know it not going to get back to how it was..
Missing someone,thinking about them.
You know what to do.. does not make it easier.
You can read thread after thread of advice but at the end of the day its only you that has to go through all of the emotions..
What do your friends say?

Don't delete your post.
As I said earlier you never know when a post hits a cord with someone else.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by redhed35

ach,this is the real crappy bit..
think it makes it worse when you know it not going to get back to how it was..
missing someone,thinking about them.
you know what to do..does not make it easier.
you can read thread after thread of advice but at the end of the day its only you that has to go through all of the emotions..
what do your friends say?

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Same as you say. And it's not crappy advice you if that's what you meant. :). It's very true. I need to just take it day by day and go with the ups and downs. I thank G it's not a direct family member.
Hey thanks and I should let this go. I can see now I know the answer but I'm in pain and maybe needed to vent. You are very very kind for responding. Thanks again!

Venting is good..
A good cry also helps,lowers the blood pressure!
You'll get there,easy for me to say,but you will.
And,and, you now have more experience to share and help other people..
You have learned something,good or bad,its always good to learn.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by redhed35

venting is good..
a good cry also helps,lowers the blood pressure!
you'll get there,easy for me to say,but you will.
and,and, you now have more experience to share and help other people..
you have learned something,good or bad,its always good to learn.

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Madonne, I'm trying to give you rep but I can't just yet. Basically, yes for everything but I did not know that it lowers the blood pressure. Very good to know. And yes, I've noticed that it feels good to help all the others who lost this person as well. I've been the comforter for the last week or two but when I was alone... well... no biggie...
I'll be just fine like so many others. Thanks again very much Red. You have a big heart.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by trmpldonagn

Even though I am offering some advice, I know I sound like a hypocrite because I did not talk to this person

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No you are not a hypocrite. You went through an experience, lesson learned, now you are better able to share.

Only two things you can do about the past in this situation
Forgive yourself
Know in your heart what you would be telling them right now if they were to be right there with you

True NoHelp4U but Ay yi yi. I wish I hadn't posted this but I'll take Redhed35's advice and leave it here. I was a mess when I wrote this all. I usually am well aware that things just take time and that time heals all. It was a big hurt. Believe me I count my blessings every day that my direct family is alive and well. If I'm ever not on here for a lengthy period, you can guess it is because something happened (to a family member G forbid.) No offense to the site of course but I would have to deal with the depression on my own somewhat.
Thanks guys.