I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year. He bought a house in November and we moved in together in December. We didn't do this for our relationship, it was more along the lines of him "striking while the iron is hot" and purchasing a house because he could. I moved in to ease the "financial" transition I guess you could say.

Every day since has been an uphill battle. We never do things as a couple anymore. He never takes me out anywhere, he's not affectionate and he rarely says or does anything nice for me. We never have quality time to develop and enjoy our relationship together. He only seems to care about talking about the house and ordering me around like a drill sergeant. This has been extremely painful to me.

In the beginning, we agreed that we would discuss matters in a few months and if I wanted to leave, we would look for apartments together. However, I took matters into my own hands. My father helped me get an apartment and I gave my boyfriend two weeks notice prior to my move out date. He was very upset by this and disappointed saying that I broke his loyalty. He said he warned me that the first three months in the house would be difficult and that he thought we had an agreement to arrange a move out together if I decided I wanted to leave. Now he wants to take some space after I leave and I'm heartbroken. I needed a change and I could no longer take his controlling behavior. I didn't feel like he was my boyfriend or even a friend. Only recently has he begun to express his feelings for me and disappointment at how the situation turned out. He doesn't want me to leave however he's not "fighting" for it necessarily. I want to stay but I don't think things will change and it will only leave something to be desired.

However, now that we've cleared the air I feel like we could possibly make progress. I'm afraid if I move out he'll want to distance himself further and regress the relationship. I'm also afraid to be single and I've lost all hope in terms of dating again. I feel like I gave this guy everything I had and yet how come I'm in this predicament?

Should I stay a few more months and try to work things out? Or should I leave and face the risk of destroying my relationship or what's left of it?

Maybe now you've told him how you feel he mite realise how he's treated you the last few months and calm down,they say the most stresful thing in life is moving and buying ahouse and moving in together all 3 are stressful things all rolled into 1 plus he's got financail stress on top of that.if he's as upset as you say he is mayb you should consider how stressfull it all is and stay a little longer and sit down and talk about everythin again

He is taking you for granted and things he should be able to order you around and you think nothing of it... just put up with it.
IF you move I wouldn't be surprised if it would be kissing your relationship good-bye.
BUT if you stay he will see no need to change and you can expect more of the same.
IF you want him to change you need to get really creative on finding ways to get him to realize you aren't happy. I have a feeling that the more you try and discuss the more excuses he is going to make.

Its totally up to you no one can tell you what to do. You got to decide if you love him or not. If it were me I would probably give him another chance since he is expressing his feelings. I would tell him what you want and see if he can accomidate that or not. I think it is awesome though that if you want to leave he is willing to help find an apartment. Because of that he does show he cares to an extent But I am not one to give advise on relationships for I am not happy in my own. Sorry

Me and him have discussed our situation at length and he only makes me feel guilty for not including him in the decision making process. I've finally told him how I feel about everything and he makes it seem like I'm just an emotionally high maintenance person. I honestly believe that my needs are basic and he has failed to provide these for me. I really just want his attention since he spends it all on the house and any spare time goes to his nephew on weekends. I do everything I can to help out by cleaning and other house chores. I even work a full time job while pursuing my career as a makeup artist on the weekends to bring in more money. I contribute all of my funds to the bills and any other house hold items he may need. I'm just tired of not having any time to myself or not feeling like the person I love cares for me enough to simply pay attention or spend time with me. Although he told me recently that he loves me, he did reiterate that he's just not "gaga" in love and never has been. This also breaks my heart however, is he just being realistic? Should I expect "the one" to be in love or am I only living in a fairytale?

I think the move out announcement was a wakeup call however I don't want to allow a few pleasant days cloud my memory of the past few dreadful months. I don't want to be taken for granted anymore however this situation is making me fear the future and whether I can trust another person with my heart again. I want to fix this situation or move on and heal but I don't know how to do this or what I can expect when I move out.

It will be hard for a bit but it gets easier. Think about it many people do it. I think you can give your heart to someone else later on when you decide it is right. There are lots of crappy people out there guys and girls so there has to be nice guys too. It sounds like you have your mind made up. And if it has been dreadful the whole I would end it on that note. But like I said before you got to do the deciding and the actions. Hope this has helped

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Originally Posted by txpriss26

ever I don't want to allow a few pleasant days cloud my memory of the past few dreadful months.

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That is exactly what you have to be careful of. You say your dad found you a place and if you think he is going to change, you pass up the place and he doesn't change then your dad may not take you seriously when you ask for help again.

Absolutely, my boyfriend isn't really fighting back making it seem worth the risk to go against my own AND my father's judgement. I know my dad would be furious if I told him I wanted to stay. Maybe I should have consulted with my boyfriend prior to moving but I just didn't feel like it was necessary for me to go out of my way for him when he was so negligent. I felt like it was necessary. I wish my boyfriend would be more chivalrous and fight for my honor but unfortunately it doesn't look like this is going to happen. I love him and it hurts my heart to see him every day knowing that I'm moving and having no idea what the future holds for us. He just acts like he'll probably need time off but eventually rebound without a hitch. I wish it were that easy for me!

Yes I think you should have consulted with your boyfriend before hand and it may bother him that you didn't but you can't go back and change that now. Your boyfriend could want you there just for the convenience and to have somebody to order around cause you say he isn't really making an effort to try and win you over to really wanting to stay.

I agree with the above. If I were you and my dad was giving me a place to get the heck out of there. I think I would do it to. And yes it does sound like it is all just a convenience to him. Ordering you around and probably having you pay bills too. I think you have your mind pretty much set. It will get a lot easier when you finally get out on your own. Good luck.

An update: Last night there was an argument... He was hinting at us seeing other people during the little break he wants to take following my move out. This angered me and he didn't seem to upset by it.

This morning, I was angry and tried to confront him but he just broke it off with me suddenly. So while he was at work I took a day off and moved out everything except my furniture. Movers will get everything this weekend and I'll be at my parents house in the meantime. Of course he knows now and he's angry, just as I thought and as nonchalant as ever. I'm completely devastated and heartbroken...

Good for you!
IF he had actually wanted you to stay he wouldn't have even considered bringing up "Let's see other people"
That is a real slap in the face and ONLY proves his heart isn't there for YOU!

Leave, leave, leave! And take your dignity with you so he doesn't try to take that from you!

Thanks everyone for all of your helpful feedback. I've only spent one night outside of the house but it feels like eternity already. I'm very sad, upset and disappointed. I heard the saying, “We attract not whom we want, but whom we are.” I hope I can heal enough to where I attract someone much better although I don't feel like I have a shred of hope. I had so much faith in this person and I can't believe it came to this. Any heal time tips and/or inspirational words? All people can say is, oh you can do better, we didn't like him, etc. I really don't know what is better or what I'm supposed to do now.

Find a life for yourself that you are happy with and eventually a guy that will treat you right will come along.