My name is amber. I have been married 6 months, and now my marriage is falling apart, I don't know what to do! I love him, but he gave me the ,"I love you but im not in love with you right now" line. I say that 6 months is too little time to really work on our marriage, this is both of our first marriage(he's 22, I'm 19) and this is also the first time living together with anyone for both of us. I don't know what to do , I'm so lonely and I'm afraid if I'm divorced at 19 no one will ever want to date me. Im not ugly, but I don't think I'm gorgeous. I'm 5'2 and I weigh 134, I have brown eyes and brown hair, and I can get dates, but I can't find a nice guy. I'm staring to wonder if there are any left. Should I try to make it work or just give up? PLEASE HELP

Well Really... Mr. Right Isn't Just Going To Appear It Takes Time... Just Sit Back Relax And What Is Suppose To Happen Will Happen... Everything Happens For A Reason... Why Try And Work Something Out If Hes Not In Love With You?? How Would You Be Able To Change His Feelings?

This is why we older folks scream, "Don't get married so young! See the world first! Get a life of your own first! Find out who you are first! You don't know what love is!"

You two are married. You are married to him, and have a responsibility to him. He is married to you, and has a responsibility to you. You both have a responsibility to the vows that you took.

Make an appointment with a marriage counselor or minister/priest who is good at counseling. (If money is a problem, many counselors take that into account. Don't avoid counseling for lack of money or time.)

You both need to learn how to like each other. You also must learn what love is. Maybe you two will figure out how to save this marriage. I hope so. If not, at least you will learn things that you can apply to future relationships.

Amber, don't worry about appealing to another guy. Work on your marriage.

How long were the two of you together before you got married? I think you got married for all the wrong reasons. You both need some marriage counseling

I want to work on it, but he's not sure he does. What do I say to convince him? I do love him. I've always believed marriage is forever, and he's my world. Bit he beats me, and he won't get help, I don't know how to make him understand

IF he is physcially abusive, ( beat you) run don't walk away and don't ever look back. NO women deserves this.

He beats you?? That puts a whole new spin on things.

Either he is willing to work on it or he isn't. If he is willing, find a counselor. If he isn't, then YOU find a counselor to figure out what to do next or go to a shelter if the beatings are bad.

'I can't find a nice guy'... Why would a married woman be looking for a 'nice guy'?

Shouldn't your husband be the nicest guy in the world to you? If not, then you aren't in the right relationship are you?

My mom let me move back in with her( she's the best, I don't know what I'd do without her)but its not all his fault. I tend to push him tell he breaks. When he's sober, he's the most wonderful man in the world but when he drinks, he's different. iv'e offered to go to aa meetings, but he won't
And this all hurts so bad

He used to be, but now he's only angry all the time, I don't know how to make this better

My cousin won't even talk to me anymore, because after he beat me, I went back to him but I love him and I want him to get the help he needs

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT, AMBER!!

He is responsible for his own actions. No one can make someone be good or bad.

He owns his anger. He owns his drinking. He owns the abuse. It is HIS problem.

Get counseling for yourself. Go to Al-Anon meetings.

Dear Amber,
I am so sorry for what you are going through. It is very sad and I truly feel for you.
I was married 18 yrs (he first 4 were great). What a waste of 14, though.
Is he willing to go for counselling? There is NO reason why a 19 year old should be feeling so sad and alone. You may even consider going by yourself.
Don't forget, it does take 2 to make a marriage work or dissolve. Once cannot dance without a partner.
Don't try to get pregnant thinking that will make things better, it won't. Actually, it will get worse.
I know 6 months is a short time. If you cannot get it to work, get out. I know, easier said than done. I could not take it anymore and drove away on a Saturday.
I don't know if my email address shows up on the answer here, but if not, it is [email protected].
Write and I will write back. This is a time when you need all the support you can get.
Good luck to you
Suzanne

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I tend to push him tell he breaks.

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That's what all enablers say. I have heard this so many times and it ALWAYS gets worse.He will not help himself, and your course of action is clear and that is to get him out of your life. Get some counseling for yourself and leave him completely alone until he wants to get help. Sorry but he will destroy your life if you let him get close again. Good Luck, and thank MOMS again.

I know. The only thing that bothers me is he only gets mean when he drinks. He cries after he hits me and says he needs help, but when I offer it he says he doesn't have time. Or its just not worth it. Other times he says he loves me. If I decide I do want out(im 99 %sure I do ) then do we have to get divorced? Or can we just get it anulled(Im catholic)?

Please call your local Catholic church. I have a cousin whose husband was an alcoholic and spent all of his time and money golfing. She was able to get an annulment.

He won't get help (go to AA) if you continue to forgive him and enable him. Only when he thinks you're gone for good will he (maybe) get help. He's an alcoholic and is the only one who can do something to improve his life.

I talked to him tonight, I was in a singing competition, and the other day he said he wanted to know how it went, then tonight he said he really didn't care! Im ready to move on but I'm not sure I'm strong enough! I'm terrified I'm going to end up alone. I don't go to school, so how will I ever meet anyone? I'm just so confused I still love him, but he's drastically changed that love now. I used to think I would die without him and now I think I'll die if I stay!!

You're only 19! I wasn't even married until I was almost 22. Take this step by step, day by day. We will be here if you want opinions and advice. We're on your side.

(Btw, I have two good-looking unmarried sons. I bet I'm not the only one.)

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so how will I ever meet anyone?

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This is the least of your problems as he will not get better, and you need help, and have to end this dangerous relationship. You have a lifetime to meet someone. Take care of the business at hand, and let the future work itself out.