The only person I have in my life (mum) is terminally ill and dying. I suffer from depression and am trying to support my mum but don't feel like I am doing a very good job of it. I get resentful, angry and bitter. I have no personal support myself, no friends, no family. I have never worked due to past and present problems, I am 40 years old. I have no motivation, no self esteem and feel like a complete waste of space. I live in a room and feel totally alone and isolated. I no longer drink or smoke. How can I change my life for the better, where can I go to meet people when I don't even have the motivation to get out of bed unless I have an appointment to go to? Everything I have tried (library, gym, courses) holds no interest for me. How DO you motivate yourself?

How can you change your life for the better..

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I no longer drink or smoke.

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^^^You've already made a good start with that. Those are habits that are very hard to drop so this should be cake for you.

If you are looking for motivation I think this is a great example of how to get it http://www.ee.bgu.ac.il/~avivze/Motivation.pdf

Have you tried counseling and do you care for your mom on your own or do you have help with her?

You are obviously depressed, but you have reason to be with everything that's been going on in your life. Your life has been a nightmare lately. With depression it's normal to have a loss of interest in normal activities. When you're depressed it seems to delete all of the motivation you ever had.

Don't let it get any worse - You really should talk to a doctor. You may need some therapy and anti-depressants. They can get you feeling better and back on tract.
Good luck!

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Originally Posted by Devorameira

You are obviously depressed, but you have reason to be with everything that's been going on in your life. Your life has been a nightmare lately. With depression it's normal to have a loss of interest in normal activities. When you're depressed it seems to delete all of the motivation you ever had.

Don't let it get any worse - You really should talk to a doctor. You may need some therapy and anti-depressants. They can get you feeling better and back on tract.
Good luck!

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I was on anti depressants (numerous different ones) for ten years, they helped in the beginning but after ten years they turned me into a 'zombie'. They become addictive and I ended up reliant on them and what a struggle it was to get off them. All they actually do is mask the problem which is all very good for the Dr as it makes their job easier but no good to me! If I wanted to wear a mask then I would join the circus. I am in counselling and it feels like I can talk till I am 'blue in the face' but what good is this when it doesn't change anything in my life.

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Originally Posted by nymphetamine

How can you change your life for the better..


^^^You've already made a good start with that. Those are habits that are very hard to drop so this should be cake for you.

If you are looking for motivation I think this is a great example of how to get it http://www.ee.bgu.ac.il/~avivze/Motivation.pdf

Have you tried counseling and do you care for your mom on your own or do you have help with her?

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I am in counselling, talking does not change anything! I don't have any help with mum because there is no-one. My brother emigrated to Canada and told me to "look after mum, I have gone" Mum won't let me get social services involved.

Talking may not change things but at least you are able to get some things off your chest when you do. You have to be the one willing to go through the steps to make the change happen

Speak to your mom exactly about how you are feeling. Maybe after hearing what you have to say she would agree to letting you get help from else where.
There are places she can go. Like a nursing home maybe. They are not all bad as the media likes to blow them up to be.

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Originally Posted by nymphetamine

Talking may not change things but at least you are able to get some things off your chest when you do. You have to be the one willing to go through the steps to make the change happen

Speak to your mom exactly about how you are feeling. Maybe after hearing what you have to say she would agree to letting you get help from else where.
There are places she can go. like a nursing home maybe. They are not all bad as the media likes to blow them up to be.

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I have spoken to mum on onumerous occasions about home help and nursing homes. She says she doesn't want 'strangers' in her house and that she doesn't want to go into a home because they will take all her money off her and that she won't be in control of her own pain relief medication (which I can totally empathize with). This puts an awful lot of pressure on me to try to support her. It wouldn't be so bad if I had some kind of personal support myself but I have none whatsoever and the added difficulty of depression makes things unberabally difficult.