Ask Me Help Desk - Can you go from gay to straight?

Can you go from gay to straight?

There's this guy I have feelings for, but not too long ago I found out he was gay. It really did make me sad and disappointed but I'm wondering if there's any chance he can turn straight or at least bisexual?

It has happened, is all I can say.

Can you turn gay or bisexual?

Being gay is not like waking up in the morning and deciding on what clothes you wear. You can't just get up and say "hey, I think I'll be gay today, bisexual on Tuesday and straight on Wednesday."

It's not a choice, it is how a person is born. They can deny it all they want, if they want, but it is still part of who they are.

Statistically, there is a snowball's chance in hell that he will change his SEXUAL preference.

But you will find as you get older that being gay doesn't mean people can't love people of the opposite sex, because love has an infinite variety. So don't constrain your friendship with a gay guy based on an idea that nothing can develop between you two.
I know a gay teen boy who was heartbroken when his best friend (girl) spent the night with his brother. Oprah told the world on her TV show that she held a gay male friend in her arms all night after his lover was swept away in a tsunami. Many a married man, with children, goes through a lot of grief when he realizes that he was gay all along, and doesn't want to hurt his family. (I know of no gay men who went straight, however, except from what I hear about parents who force their children into religious conversion camps.)

No, a person does not just change, they are, what they are. Can you become gay or lesbian just by wanting ? No,

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

Being gay is not like waking up in the morning and deciding on what clothes you wear. You can't just get up and say "hey, I think I'll be gay today, bisexual on Tuesday and straight on Wednesday."

It's not a choice, it is how a person is born. They can deny it all they want, if they want, but it is still part of who they are.

Very, very, very, very well stated!

YOU can not change them

And furthermore who says he wants to be changed? Hopefully he is very content with who he is.

J_9 is right one does not just wake up one day all of a sudden with a different sexual preference. I do know a lot of gays and lesbians that 'became' that way through years of bad relationships with the opposite sex. But for you to wait around dreaming that maybe someday... don't waste your time. I have a better chance of waiting around dreaming that one day some person will put a million bucks in my hand,

Some Christians say you can pray the gay away by going to some sort of counseling. I am not making this up.

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Originally Posted by NeedKarma

Some Christians say you can pray the gay away by going to some sort of counseling. I am not making this up.

The largest of these groups, name escapes me, is based here in Central Florida. They just closed their doors and the minister who ran it has apologized for all the harm he has caused the gay community.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oliver2011

The largest of these groups, name escapes me, is based here in Central Florida. They just closed their doors and the minister who ran it has apologized for all the harm he has caused the gay community.

Michele Bachman's husband Marcus has a "pray away the gay" Christian counseling clinic, Bachman & Associates, in Minnesota.

Exodus International in Olrando, FL.
Founded in 1976, folded less than a month ago.
The president of the Christian non-profit (with revenues of over a million each year) told a gay conference a year or two ago that 99.9% of gays don't convert.
He was the one who was instrumental in closing the organization.

Yes Oliver, because no person or Church can turn a gay straight, they have to have it in their heart that they want to make a change. Her wanting him to change because she is interested will not change him,

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

Exodus International in Olrando, FL.
Founded in 1976, folded less than a month ago.
The president of the Christian non-profit (with revenues of over a million each year) told a gay conference a year or two ago that 99.9% of gays don't convert.
He was the one who was instrumental in closing the organization.

It was founded by Alan Chambers. I know Alan and his family/parents. They went to my church when I was a child.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oliver2011

It was founded by Alan Chambers. I know Alan and his family/parents. They went to my church when I was a child.

Would you say he's not really a horrible person, just misguided?

(He was 4 when the organization was founded. I don't know when he became president. Although married with adopted children, he openly talks about being gay or struggling with it.)

Quote:

Originally Posted by N0help4u

Yes Oliver, because no person or Church can turn a gay straight, they have to have it in their heart that they want to make a change.

I disagree. I don't believe a gay person can literally change over to straight (or vice versa). He is what he is. A gay guy can date women and marry and have children but deep down inside he is still gay. My lesbian sil dated guys and did her best to be straight, but it didn't work. She finally was true to herself, and she and her partner have now been together for over 30 years.

I have seen all kinds the least percentage being gays going straight but it has happenef even if it is 2%

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

I have seen all kinds the least percentage being gays going straight but it has happenef even if it is 2%

Then he wasn't gay in the first place.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Then he wasn't gay in the first place.

So you are saying that a guy that lived all his life gay came to God and asked God to change him, no pressure from the church, god doesn't change them? Most probably do struggle but I have heard the testimony of a small percent that did move on and thank God for their new life

Quote:

Originally Posted by N0help4u

So you are saying that a guy that lived all his life gay came to God and asked God to change him, no pressure from the church, god doesn't change them?

Yes, that's what I'm saying. That's not how God operates.

I had a boyfriend in high school - wonderful guy, loving, and a great kisser -- who married one of our classmates and had a daughter. In his 50s he finally acknowledged he is gay (and always had had those feelings, but wanted to fit into a straight world, is religious so am sure he prayed fervently to be straight), so he and his wife divorced but remain good friends. He's been with his male partner for ten years now.

I know loads of people like that. I know lots that DECIDED to turn gay. I know of some that turned to God and went straight

Quote:

Originally Posted by N0help4u

I know loads of people like that. I know lots that DECIDED to turn gay. I know of some that turned to God and went straight

A person can't change his biology. He can act a certain way, but that doesn't change who he really is inside.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Then he wasn't gay in the first place.

I have seen what you are saying loads of times. I have seen people DECIDE to turn gay. Least I Have seen a tiny percent that do .'overcome' their gay urge they had all their life by praying

Quote:

Originally Posted by N0help4u

I have seen what you are saying loads of times. I have seen people DECIDE to turn gay. Least I Have seen a tiny percent that do .'overcome' their gay urge they had all their life by praying

I can decide to turn gay too. I can do that fifteen minutes from now. Doesn't mean I am gay, but just means I am living as a gay. My being straight is still my basic nature.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

Would you say he's not really a horrible person, just misguided?

(He was 4 when the organization was founded. I don't know when he became president. Although married with adopted children, he openly talks about being gay or struggling with it.)

I haven't seen Alan in 40 days and 40 nights so I don't know. His parents were really nice people.

I thought he founded it but I haven't really looked into them much at all. I always thought they were a fluke every time I heard something about them. And I didn't even know Alan was involved. People are just sometimes misguided.

This could be it - the high school he went to was on Dyke Road. I think that solves the mystery.

Yes and that is why the gay community.has gotten as large as it has so many people claiming their gayness because they decided to 'turn gay'

Quote:

Originally Posted by N0help4u

Yes and that is why the gay community.has gotten as large as it has so many people claiming their gayness because they decided to 'turn gay'

What?

I know a lot of people that claim they turned gay because they had too many bad experiences with the opposite sex. They never had the desire to be gay but ended up living totally in the lifestyle,

Even that reverend guy (Alan Chambers) is living in the closet of self-loathingness and regret.

Quote:

In January 2012 then- president of Exodus International Alan Chambers, during his address to a Gay Christian Network conference, stated that 99.9% of conversion therapy participants do not experience any change to their sexuality and apologized for the previous Exodus slogan "Change Is Possible".

Speaking to the New York Times in July 2012, Chambers talked about how he believed gay people can have gay sex and still go to heaven. "But we've been asking people with same-sex attractions to overcome something in a way that we don't ask of anyone else [with other sins].

Also:

Quote:

Most of Exodus' leadership have successfully avoided controversy regarding their sexual identity for decades.

Michael Bussee, one of the founders of Exodus and Gary Cooper, a leader within the ministry of Exodus, left the group to be with each other in 1979.

Chambers says that he has mostly overcome his attraction to men (although he does speak openly about his own ongoing sexual attraction to men.

Chambers went on to tell the host (Michael Smerconish), that he has same-sex attraction and for anyone to say he does not have temptations, or that he could never be tempted, or does not have same-sex attraction is not true.

I guess it seems like it's the same difference ad once an alcoholic always an alcoholic even though you haven't drank in 30 years and have no real desire to

Quote:

Originally Posted by N0help4u

I know a lot of people that claim they turned gay because they had too many bad experiences with the opposite sex. They never had the desire to be gay but ended up living totally in the lifestyle,

You have had one-to-one conversations with all these people who have told you directly that they have decided to be gay? If not that, then how do you know this?

Quote:

Originally Posted by NeedKarma

Even that reverend guy (Alan Chambers) is living in the closet of self-loathingness and regret.

Also:

For a Christian who is gay, this is a very difficult issue to struggle with. Alan's family's belief is that being gay is wrong and that gay people go to hell. Honestly what is a gay person supposed to do with those beliefs. I understand deeply why he had a difficult time with it. You can't just wish this away.

Quote:

Originally Posted by N0help4u

I guess it seems like its the same difference ad once an alcholic always an alcholic

If you view homosexuality as a disease.

Quote:

Originally Posted by N0help4u

I guess it seems like its the same difference ad once an alcholic always an alcholic even though you haven't drank in 30 years and have no real desire to

For a recovering alcoholic, the desire is always there. It's a daily struggle -- "one day at a time."

Not saying it's a disease alcohol was only made a disease for money reasons.

I'm glad for my friends sake that God is bigger than people's all or nothing categories.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

You have had one-to-one conversations with all these people who have told you directly that they have decided to be gay? If not that, then how do you know this?

Yes my x sister in law her lover and her lovers daughter they all joked how they were going to turn gay and eventually did. My x sis in law did because she blamed her ex husband for their daughters death. Also many of my co workers and various others I have talked to over the past 15 years. I also know a lot of 'born that way gays'

Quote:

Originally Posted by N0help4u

I also know a lot of 'born that way gays'

Me too!

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Not saying it's a disease alcohol was only made a disease for money reasons.

As much as I and a lot of people have issues with the DSM and big pharma, I do agree that alcohol addiction is a disease.

Quote:

Originally Posted by N0help4u

I guess it seems like its the same difference ad once an alcholic always an alcholic even though you haven't drank in 30 years and have no real desire to

I think this is a terrible comparison. I'm not going to even go into it. Awful.

Anything is possible. There is no proof that your orientation is genetics. I think it is a choice and when it is a choice, you can always choose the other side if you want to.