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-   -   Can anyone help me edit a short essay? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=609712)

  • Nov 5, 2011, 01:30 PM
    MicroFuturism
    Can anyone help me edit a short essay?
    I'm having a lot of trouble with the introduction and conclusion, any help would be greatly appreciated. I'm a high school student... send me your email?
  • Nov 5, 2011, 01:33 PM
    Wondergirl
    We can't do off-site communication, but please post the intro and conclusion here, and I'll be glad to help.
  • Nov 5, 2011, 01:39 PM
    MicroFuturism
    Oh really? Okay, well thanks :D It's awful so be warned >.<

    Intro:She is overcome with joy due to her husband's death, she admits to rarely loving him although he cares deeply for her, and she sees his death as a freedom from his oppressive grip. People who read Kate Chopin's “The Story of an Hour” when it was written in the late nineteenth century would have focused on these negative aspects of Mrs. Mallard. Her death later in the story would have appeared to be a warranted punishment for her cruelty. Bridge to thesis: As a twenty-first century female, I interpret the short story differently. Mrs. Mallard is right in her actions, and her death is not a punishment, but rather, a release. By looking at a work through two different perspectives, ambiguities are identified and cultural backgrounds can be analyzed. These contrasting perspectives allow one to see how the world has progressed over time, and if it's been for the better, or the worse.


    Conclusion:When I read “The Story of an Hour”, I focused on the themes of happiness and self-realization; things that Mrs. Mallard was lacking. Victorian readers would have focused on punishment and the importance of rituals. The general attitude towards this work has changed over time, but the purpose is not to deem which viewpoint is “correct”. The different attitudes toward literature over time can hold their own/are reasonable/make sense in accordance to the background of the reader. A work can be used as a medium to express these cultural influences and realize the importance of outside influences on a reader's interpretation of the work. The viewpoint I have is not better than that of the Victorian English. It is simply different. These differences are necessary to understand change in culture over time.



    I don't really know what to write for the intro and conclusion because I'm struggling with the importance.. In my essay I contrast my attitiude towards The Story of an Hour in comparison to the English in the victorian era... But I don't know how to say that's important :/
  • Nov 5, 2011, 01:54 PM
    Wondergirl
    Do you want to focus on the difference culture or the time can have on a reader?
  • Nov 5, 2011, 01:58 PM
    MicroFuturism
    Um... well culture changes over time? So both I think..
  • Nov 5, 2011, 02:01 PM
    Wondergirl
    I don't understand this sentence: "Her death later in the story would have appeared to be a warranted punishment for her cruelty."

    What cruelty?
  • Nov 5, 2011, 02:04 PM
    MicroFuturism
    Oh, well she basically celebrates the fact that her husband dies... I'll try to make that more clear :)
  • Nov 5, 2011, 02:05 PM
    Wondergirl
    Isn't she the victim in the story?
  • Nov 5, 2011, 02:11 PM
    MicroFuturism
    The victim? No..
    What happens is, her husband's friend tells her that her husband is dead. She cries initially, but then starts to celebrate. Her husband walks in, obviously not dead, and she dies of a heart attack.I don't really see that as being victimised... in the essay I say how victorians see her death as a punishment for being a bad person, but I see it as a release from a live of subservience.
  • Nov 5, 2011, 02:14 PM
    Wondergirl
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by MicroFuturism View Post
    I see it as a release from a live of subservience.

    Thus, she was a victim of her Victorian life of subservience in which she had to drown her emotions.
  • Nov 5, 2011, 02:25 PM
    MicroFuturism
    Haha OK. Well, I need help seeing why the difference between my ideas and Victorian era ideas is important.
  • Nov 5, 2011, 02:28 PM
    Wondergirl
    What's the point of your essay? Tell me your thesis in your own words.
  • Nov 5, 2011, 02:33 PM
    MicroFuturism
    Um... my point... ha. I just contrast me vs the victorian english. But why that's important? I don't know. Maybe it shows someone their biases?

    These differences show a reader their biases and exemplify how these biases affect literary analysis.

    How about that for a concluding sentence?
  • Nov 5, 2011, 02:39 PM
    Wondergirl
    I'm not happy with the word "biases." Something else is going on in this story and with the reader (you).

    Can you wrap your 21st-century mind around the idea of emotional repression such as what Mrs. Mallard experienced her entire life?
  • Nov 5, 2011, 02:43 PM
    MicroFuturism
    All right.. and yes lol what does that have to do with the word biases though?
  • Nov 5, 2011, 02:51 PM
    Wondergirl
    Our inability to wrap our minds around the idea of repression is a lot bigger than just a bias.
  • Nov 5, 2011, 02:52 PM
    Wondergirl
    The culture back then was steeped in repression, and it wasn't something we'd see on Maury's show.

    Ms. Mallard was totally normal for her time and in that culture -- until her husband was reported dead.
  • Nov 5, 2011, 02:56 PM
    TUT317
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by MicroFuturism View Post
    Alright..and yes lol what does that have to do with the word biases though?


    Sorry about butting in here. Wondergirl's ideas are always very good. However, I am interested in the original essay question.Where you asked to do a compare and contrast essay? Your conclusion and introduction seem to suggest that. Remember the three most important rules in essay writing.

    (a) Structure
    (b) Structure
    (c) Structure.

    In your conclusion you said your focus was happiness and self- realization but happiness and self realization are not mentioned in the introduction. Are you comparing and contrasting happiness and self- realization? If you are doing a short essay then picking on two or three concepts to work with is a good idea.

    This link will give you an idea of what I mean by structure.


    How to Write a Compare/Contrast Essay

    Other than that I will turn it back over to Wondergirl.


    Tut
  • Nov 5, 2011, 03:09 PM
    MicroFuturism
    I'm contrasting, with no comparisons. My teacher told us to do historical response or reader response. I always do historical so this time I did reader. I went over the structure with her and she said to put their beliefs and evidence, then my beliefs and evidence.
  • Nov 5, 2011, 03:15 PM
    Wondergirl
    Theme: Repression and how people react to it. Discuss how debilitating it can be, no matter who experiences it and when it is experienced during his lifetime.

    Contrast: Repression by an entire society and repression by one person. Would Mrs. Mallard's reaction to Mr. Mallard's supposed death have been any different had he been the only one causing her repression? Did the society's causing repression make any difference in how she reacted to news of his death?

    How does someone, a reader, in the 21st century understand repression by a society and how that can affect one person?

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