Ok, why am I writing this?


To give you an honest, and true answer from a teenage perspective. (I'm sixteen years old)


All of you, probably don't know my story. But, in hopes of trying to prevent horror, pain, and misery to occur in your life, like it did mine (which, I'm still working on to get over) I'm going to tell you all my story.

When I was 14 years old, I met my (ex) girlfriend who was 13 at the time. We were in a serious relationship for about two years. Before engaging in sexual intercourse, we began with experimentation, I.E. oral, phone, fingering, hand job, etc. After, we got comfortable with what we were doing for about a year, we decided, "CONTRARY, TO POPULAR BELIEF, WE'RE MATURE ENOUGH TO HAVE SEX. WRONG WRONG WRONG... We had NO CLUE, what we were doing. Didn't understand the possible ramifications of our actions, and therefor, payed a hefty price.

Yes, we used protection, both a condom and birth control.

Did it prevent her from getting pregnant? NO.

We PANICKED, we had no CLUE what to do.
Till this day, I have not forgiven myself for what we've done.
Aborting a baby because of something we SHOULDN'T have been doing in the first place, has scarred me for life.

I know what you're thinking to yourself.. "It can't and won't happen to me"
Oh, trust me, YES IT CAN.
Wake up from the little fantasy land you live in, because you are not immune to danger.

Not only should you not be having sex because of possible pregnancy, it WILL RUIN your relationship. After we started becoming sexually active, that's all we started doing. There was no more adventure, fun, and charisma in the relationship. It all became about SEX.

Through the same old routine and ruckus, came problems.
Arguments over the smallest things. We both became miserable, because, we were no longer having fun.

Fast forward a couple months later, and we're no longer together.

Do I miss her? Of course. Will I move on? Eventually, but you know what? It's going to be 10x harder then it would normally be, because of all the sexual emotional turmoil that shouldn't have taken place at our age in the first place.

When grown ups tell you not to have sex, it's for a reason.

I believe this not only applies to teens... but people in their 20s and stuff to... because they may not know or may not be ready for what they are getting into

It does in a way make the relationship change, because you know you can have sex instead of doing other fun stuff... so that's not the best thing... Its best to wait till you are married...

I disagree although some people are not mature enough to do that, I believe I myself made the right decicion when I decided to do it. Waiting until your married?
No come on honestly teens here about this stuff ALL THE TIME in class, at home on the t.v, not to mention the filth on the internet, it's only logical that we get curious. Teens these days are laid back about it, sex is no biggy to a lot of us and standerds are BARELY alive. I have self respect and plenty of it and if someone wants to be confident and have sex I applaud them AS LONG AS THEY USE PROTECTION.

Sex doesn't really ruin a releshionship all the time but sometimes it does. 5O/50 shot at any of these possible outcomes (pregnancy etc... ) My releshionship has never been better and the female has the power to say no so if you don't want to don't do it or you'll regrete it and if you want to just really consider the outcomes and keep in mind it's not the greatest thing on earth too.

Sex is a big "biggy" things can happen and nowadays diaeses are on the raise by teens. Sex = babies and there are so many teens getting pregnant that it's only making the abortions clinics richer because this is where they turn too.

I think a lot of teens are miseducated about sex and most can't even talk to their parents about it. Last summer I was at my fiancé brother's house when his niece boyfriend made a statement that you can't get pregnant if you pull off at the right time and we all know that is wrong.

411, I am sorry about what happen to you and I never knew you was 16 but you are so beyond your years. Your right sex sometimes complicated things and it can lead to things that you shouldn't have to deal with.

I hope this thread helps someone, even if it reaches out to one person, and hope others add their stories and regret, if any. Stay strong and learn from everything.

To the OP, I completely agree. I am a 15 year old girl and I know I'm not going to have sex until I truly love some one and they love me, can take care of a baby, mature enough, old enough and HIV negative.

411... Thank you so much for telling your story. It was quite powerful. Thus, I have made it a sticky at the top of this board.

I realize that some may disagree with you, but they are the ones with their heads in the clouds and their feet are not quite firmly planted on the ground.

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Originally Posted by rainbowreedbr

Waiting until your married?

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Rainbow, no one ever said anything about waiting until you are married. In this day and age, that is an unrealistic goal for many people. While it is an admirable goal, it's just unrealistic.

Sorry to those who disagree, but, If I'm able to prevent at least one person from experiencing the pain I did, then It's justified.

Thank you all.

Wow, that's all I can say. Wow!

Wonderful insight, wonderful post and truly wonderful that you shared it with all of us.

If just one teen reads this and thinks, no, I should wait, well, then it's worth it.

Bravo 411Help. You did learn the hard way, but at least you learned. That's what we as adults are trying to say. Learn from our mistakes, you really don't have to go out and pay the price, just listen, because we've been there, done that.

Really great post, I can't say that enough. This deserves to be a sticky. :)

Thanks for posting this... I'm with this guy.. whom I might even love... and I'm only 16 and even though people may say that it isn't love but we've been together for a year now and we've known each other since we were kids and have gone through so much just to go out... and he's been asking me about having sex... and he totally respects my answer (no) but recently I was thinking that it would be appropriate for our one year anniversary but thank you for this... and I know that I won't have sex until I know that I'm ready to handle the outcomes...

That's very good Secelini.

Here's the guide lines.

Only have sex if you are emotionally, physically, and financially ready to have a child.

Thank you Altenweg.

I agree and disagree:) it can go both ways, I don't believe in birth control it messes with the girls system, but if the relationship is to be believed strong enough go for it... if it lasts its true love get married be happy if not then obviuosly it was the wrong decision

You live in a fantasy world my friend.

Sorry to break it to you, but there's no such thing as "meant to be" or "true love". You work for love, through communication, understanding, and patience. Amongst other things.

There are MANY ways you can ruin your chances with "true love"

I don't care how strong you think your relationship is, but if you are not emotionally, physically, and financially ready to have a child you should not be having sex, no matter your age.

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Originally Posted by raysprofile

i agree and disagree:) it can go both ways, i dont believe in birth control it messes with the girls system, but if the relationship is to be believed strong enough go for it... if it lasts its true love get married be happy if not then obviuosly it was the wrong decision

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Birth control is far better than a teen pregnancy. Teens aren't physically ready to have a child, that messes with their systems a lot more than birth control.

Saying "go for it" is very dangerous advice. Really, what do you hope to gain by having sex at a young age? Yes, sex is fun, yes, it can feel wonderful, but the consequences for a few minutes of pleasure are far to great. Pregnancy isn't the only thing to worry about, STD's can kill, and yes, it can happen to you!

I'm not saying that you have to wait until marriage, in today's world, with many people waiting until their late 20's or 30's to get married, that's not realistic, but, waiting until you're ready to support a child financially and physically, well, that's a must as far as I'm concerned.

Sleeping around hoping to find "true love" isn't the answer.

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Originally Posted by 411Help

You live in a fantasy world my friend.

Sorry to break it to you, but there's no such thing as "meant to be" or "true love". You work for love, through communication, understanding, and patience. Amongst other things.

There are MANY ways you can ruin your chances with "true love"

I don't care how strong you think your relationship is, but if you are not emotionally, physically, and financially ready to have a child you should not be having sex, no matter your age.

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Probably the best piece of advice I've seen on this site in a while. I never agreed with the whole "NO sex before marriage" thing, but waiting until you are physically, emotionally, and financially ready makes all the sense in the world.

I wonder if the administration would let me post this on the walls of my high school? Ha ha, this really is valuable advice, and thanks for sharing.

How the hell did you get pregnant off both a condom and birth control. If the condom broke you would have heard and the pill is like 99.9% protective.

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Originally Posted by secret_123

how the hell did you get pregnant off both a condom and birth control. if the condom broke you would have heard and the pill is like 99.9% protective.

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That's a very common mistake. I know people who used three different forms of birth control and still got pregnant. Just because you're on the pill and use a condom doesn't mean you're safe, you're just safer. No form of birth control, even if you double up, is 100% effective.

Bottom line, if you're having sex there's always the possibility of pregnancy.

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

That's a very common mistake. I know people who used three different forms of birth control and still got pregnant. Just because you're on the pill and use a condom doesn't mean you're safe, you're just safer. No form of birth control, even if you double up, is 100% effective.

Bottom line, if you're having sex there's always the possibility of pregnancy.

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its like a one in a zillion chance. And if your careful check the condom and are in time with your pill then it's a fraction of being impossible to fall pregnant. We can't spend our whole lives not doing anything in case something happens. Like oh don't go outside you might get hit by a meteor. Which has about the same probability as falling pregnant when your on the pill, or something AND use a condom. Just be careful, and as for sti;s you shouldn't be having sex with someone if your not sure if they are infected or not.

What happens when that one in a zillion chance happens to you? Then what?

Kids these days, have no sense of reality.

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Originally Posted by 411Help

What happens when that one in a zillion chance happens to you? Then what?

Kids these days, have no sense of reality.

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I am not a kid, I know very well the sense of reality.for example I had why best friend fall pregnant and get an abortion, and now I'm there with there helping her get through it. How much more real can you get? But I'm not going to preach about how I think nooone should ever have sex because something bad might happen. If your going to live ue life not doing anything in case something bad happens, then I feel sorry for you

But hey, if you chose to live like that than that's up to you, I'm just saying that I disagree with what you and the question poster say.

I do not believe that to be true. Sex is a way of expressing how much you care or love somebody. If you think the only outcome of sex is getting pregnant, you're wrong. Sure sometime protection does not work, but most of the time it does. I respect that it is not for everybody, but for those who it is, leave them be, its not going to kill you, its good, enjoy it.

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Originally Posted by aspireE

I do not believe that to be true. sex is a way of expressing how much you care or love somebody. if you think the only outcome of sex is getting pregnant, you're wrong. sure sometime protection does not work, but most of the time it does. I respect that it is not for everybody, but for those who it is, leave them be, its not going to kill you, its good, enjoy it.

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I agree totally! Sex is a way of showing someone that you trust and love them, shaw u don't have to have sex to show that, but its somehing two people can share with a lot of meaning. You said that really well.

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Originally Posted by aspireE

I do not believe that to be true. sex is a way of expressing how much you care or love somebody. if you think the only outcome of sex is getting pregnant, you're wrong. sure sometime protection does not work, but most of the time it does. I respect that it is not for everybody, but for those who it is, leave them be, its not going to kill you, its good, enjoy it.

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Love is definitely a way to express your love for somebody. The only way? No. A smart way for a teenager to show love? No. Sure, the only outcome of sex isn't pregnancy. Did I fail to mention herpes? Chlamydia? HIV?

Sure, there is the possibility that your could get a STD, STI, but iif you are careful, and make sure that you are clean, then what is the harm in that? Teens these days are becoming a lot more responcible.
No, sex is not the olny show love, and sure maby its not the best way, but it is still very immportant, not to the fact that everybody should do it, but that the people who feel redy can. Sex should not just be aboout having a child, it is a way of showing compassion, love, caring, if you are doing it with the rite intentions, it can be a very emotional action. It's a bond that olny the 2 closest people can feel. If you think me to be wrong, please say.

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Originally Posted by aspireE

Sure, there is the possibilty that your could get a STD, STI, but iif you are careful, and make sure that you are clean, then what is the harm in that? teens these days are becoming alot more responcible.
no, sex is not the olny show love, and sure maby its not the best way, but it is still very immportant, not to the fact that everybody should do it, but that the people who feel redy can. sex should not just be aboout having a child, it is a way of showing compassion, love, caring, if you are doing it with the rite intentions, it can be a very emotional action. its a bond that olny the 2 closest people can feel. if you think me to be wrong, please say.

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Yes, sex is not only about having a child. BUT, IT'S A BIG PART OF IT. To be having sex you need to make sure that if you do end up pregnant that you are physically, emotionally, and financially able to support a child.

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Originally Posted by 411Help

Yes, sex is not only about having a child. BUT, IT'S A BIG PART OF IT. To be having sex you need to make sure that if you do end up pregnant that you are physically, emotionally, and financially able to support a child.

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Ah far out! Its sex. Yeah it can lead to other bad stuff only if your not carful ENOUGH. 411 you obv made some mistake to get her pregnant, but that's you! That happened to you and its something that you have to deal with. Just because one mistake you made messed with your head doesn't mean that it WILL happen to everyone and that EVERYONE will get a sti or preganant if you have sex. You are the 1 peron out of a zillion million people who will get someone pregnant even though you used proper protection. Yeah it can happen, But I can walk out my door and get shot or hit by a bus but that doiesnt mean ill never go outside and enjoy the sunshine!

Ok, I'm going to rob a bank, I might get caught and get arrested, but, hell, that won't stop me.

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Originally Posted by secret_123

ah far out! its sex. yeah it can lead to other bad stuff only if ur not carful ENOUGH. 411 you obv made some mistake to get her preggers, but thats you! that happened to you and its something that you have to deal with. just becuase one mistake you made messed with ur head doesnt mean that it WILL happen to everyone and that EVERYONE will get a sti or preganant if u have sex. u are the 1 peron out of a zillion million people who will get someone pregnant even though u used proper protection. yeah it can happen,. but i can walk out my door and get shot or hit by a bus but that doiesnt mean ill never go outside and enjoy the sunshine!

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, I completaly agree, and think this person I'm completely rite!
This matter should be left alone, it is a persional opinion, and people should not try 2 force there thoughts on to others.
CASE CLOSED!!

How is this not relevant? It's something that I'm doing that I'm not suppose to do without fearing the possible ramifications, it's completely relevant.

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Originally Posted by aspireE

, I completaly agree, and think this person im completely rite!!
this matter should be left alone, it is a persional opinion, and people should not try 2 force there thoughts on to others.
CASE CLOSED!!!

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I don't think anyone is trying to force anything on anyone else. You are the only ones getting so upset about it, for some reason.

All the OP is doing is offering advice, because he cares about others and doesn't want the same bad things to happen to them. So, show a little respect?

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Originally Posted by xxariesxx

I don't think anyone is trying to force anything on anyone else. You are the only ones getting so upset about it, for some reason.

All the OP is doing is offering advice, because he cares about others and doesn't want the same bad things to happen to them. So, show a little respect?

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Thank you so much.

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Originally Posted by aspireE

, I completaly agree, and think this person im completely rite!!
this matter should be left alone, it is a persional opinion, and people should not try 2 force there thoughts on to others.
CASE CLOSED!!!

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You don't have to listen to the advice, you don't have to aby by anything that's been said. If you want to learn this lesson the hard way, well, there's very little we can do to stop you.

This is information, accurate information, you either read it, learn, and move on, or you read it, don't learn and come back when something goes wrong, crying "why me?".

The case is not closed, no one is forcing anything on anyone. This is a very informative thread, and if it gets through to just one teen, well, then it's served it's purpose. I realize that teens think they know everything, but the majority don't know anything about what the real world is all about. 411help has lived through this, as have many other people on this site. He's sharing an experience that may just prevent someone else from having to go through the same thing. So, show some respect!

I applaud this young man (411help) for sharing a very painful part of his life with us, that wasn't easy I'm sure.

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Originally Posted by 411Help

Ok, I'm going to rob a bank, I might get caught and get arrested, but, hell, that wont stop me.

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But gee lets see. The chances of getting caught robbing a bank is a hell of a lot higher than the chances of getting someone pregnant if your careful and use protection and do everything right. Yeah you pair had an accident, but don't try too "help" others by forcing your veiws on others. Yeah you had a rough trot, but that was your life, your mistake and your problem. The chances of that happening is so slim so why live in fear for ever?

I'm not forcing my views on anybody. Also, I would love to see where you are getting your statistics. I'm not wasting anymore time on your insolent behavior.

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Originally Posted by secret_123

But gee lets see. the chances of getting caught robbing a bank is a hell of a lot higher than the chances of getting somone pregnant if ur careful and use protection and do everyting right. yeah u pair had an accident, but dont try too "help" others by forcing ur veiws on others. yeah u had a rough trot, but that was ur life, ur mistake and ur problem. the chances of that happening is so slim so why live in fear for ever?

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Obviously you're just here to make trouble. NO ONE is forcing anything on you. You came here, you read this and commented - all of your own free will. So if you're going to say anything, at least have it be somewhat reasonable and intelligent, because you're only making yourself look foolish.

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Originally Posted by xxariesxx

Obviously you're just here to make trouble. NO ONE is forcing anything on you. You came here, you read this and commented - all of your own free will. So if you're going to say anything, at least have it be somewhat reasonable and intelligent, because you're only making yourself look foolish.

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Lol you mob overreact so bad its really funny. I don't agree with you and I explain what you say and prove you wrong and you don't like it so you say I'm not-intelligent. Funny as! Catchas

I have a simple solution for this. Unsubscribe to the thread.

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Originally Posted by secret_123

But gee lets see. the chances of getting caught robbing a bank is a hell of a lot higher than the chances of getting somone pregnant if ur careful and use protection and do everyting right. yeah u pair had an accident, but dont try too "help" others by forcing ur veiws on others. yeah u had a rough trot, but that was ur life, ur mistake and ur problem. the chances of that happening is so slim so why live in fear for ever?

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Secret, chat speak is not allowed on this site, please use complete words and write in the best english you are capable of. Many of us don't bother reading posts with chat speak, it's time consuming and annoying. Thank you.

As for your post. Even if you're careful and use protection and "do everything right" there is still the chance of pregnancy. Yes, the chance is lower with protection, but not nonexistent like you seem to think. The chances aren't as slim as you seem to think, stick around, go to the teen forum, you'll see.

I think you should unsubscribe from this thread, it's here to help people, not for an argument. If you want to discuss this topic further than feel free to start your own thread, I'm sure you'll get a lot of people coming to tell you what they think and feel.

If you continue to come her to argue I will have to report you.

Thank you.

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Secret, chat speak is not allowed on this site, please use complete words and write in the best english you are capable of. Many of us don't bother reading posts with chat speak, it's time consuming and annoying. Thank you.

As for your post. Even if you're careful and use protection and "do everything right" there is still the chance of pregnancy. Yes, the chance is lower with protection, but not nonexistent like you seem to think. The chances aren't as slim as you seem to think, stick around, go to the teen forum, you'll see.

I think you should unsubscribe from this thread, it's here to help people, not for an arguement. If you want to discuss this topic further than feel free to start your own thread, I'm sure you'll get alot of people coming to tell you what they think and feel.

If you continue to come her to argue I will have to report you.

Thank you.

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I'm not arguing, I'm stating my opinion. That's the idea of the thread? If youdont like it, then skip my posts and don't read it. And I idnt say its non-existant, its just not like if evryone has sex they will get pregnant, as you guys seem to think

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Originally Posted by secret_123

im not arguing, im stating my opinion. thats the idea of the thread? if youdont like it, then skip my posts and dont read it. and i idnt say its non-existant, its just not like if evryone has sex they will get pregnant, as you guys seem to think

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You are not stating your opinion, you are stating incorrect information, information that can be harmful to others.

If you want to live you life with you head the sand, fine, I won't stop you, but stop trying to get others to join you in your ignorance.

You said that there is only a chance in a zillion, I can quote you, so don't deny it. That's not true.

Simply put, this is not the place to fight. This thread is about giving teens correct information, not for stating unfounded opinions.

If you have something valid to contribute then we're all ears, if not, then please refrain from posting.