Ask Me Help Desk - Showing him I care

So I've been discussing with my boyfriend about why he got so mad so easily about my dream. He said he feels like I don't really care about him as much as I say I do, and that I don't really love him, because honestly, I do have a hard time showing people how much they mean to me. I've always held in my emotions. I'm wondering if anyone knows any good ways to show him how much he means to me? I keep thinking of ways to show it but I can't think of anything.

Well, having read your previous post and this post, I'll say a few different things:

1) To show someone you care, you put their needs and desires above your own. Since you're talking with your guy (communication is good!) and you're not sure how to show you care, ask him. He can tell you. He may not be able to tell you straight away but if the two of you have an honest discussion about it and really explore it, you should be able to come up with something in short order.

2) Your boyfriend displays some very distressing signs of being abusive. While the others in your other thread are telling you to get out while you can, I prefer to take a less judgemental approach. If you truly have feelings for this guy, then perhaps you should discuss talking about how you each handle the relationship. How you feel about the double standards and the emotional lashing that he does. Since you both sound young, I'm not sure asking him to see a therapist would be conducive to your relationship, but it might be something you want to consider. It would probably even be more beneficial to go together, if you think that would be possible.

Currently you're both engaged in destructive behavior. You as well as he, and in order for that cycle to be broken, one of you has to start taking control over the direction of your relationship and your actions and reactions towards each other.

The thing is, I do put his needs before mine, so I'm confused. I don't know what more I can do.. we talked on the phone last night and everything between us is fine now but it hurts that he honestly thinks that I don't care about him that much and that he doesn't believe me when I tell him I love him. I don't know what to do.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lostinatrance

The thing is, I do put his needs before mine, so I'm confused. I don't know what more I can do.. we talked on the phone last night and everything between us is fine now but it hurts that he honestly thinks that I don't care about him that much and that he doesn't believe me when I tell him I love him. I don't know what to do.

First, you have to let go that it hurts you. It's simply how he feels. Being hurt by it won't help either of you deal with the problem. Why doesn't he believe you? Have you asked him this? Why does he think that you don't care about him? What does he feel you're not doing in order to show how much you care? When he can answer these questions, you can start solving the problem.

I've asked him and he just says "meh". He said the reason he had a dream with those three girls is because they make him feel special and that he feels they care about him, but that I wasn't one of them because I don't make him feel that way. He has issues and low self-esteem, I'm thinking that's the only reason. I've heard from his friend that he doesn't know why I'd love him. Also, he said part of the reason is when his friend asked me if I knew who I was going to marry I said "I don't know". I said I don't know because you never know who you are going to marry, you never know what's going to happen the next day.. but my boyfriend said I should have just said who I want to marry and that since I put I don't know it made him feel like I don't want to be with him, which I do.

So far he hasn't actually answered the question(s) though... or you haven't really asked them straight forward.

Why do those 3 girls in the dream make him feel special? Do they make him a cookie? Have sex the way he wants? Let him have the big piece of chicken on the grill?

If he's not willing to be honest about it and discuss it with you then it will never change. Communication is the key to any relationship. You're both young but the sooner you learn to start talking to each other the sooner you'll learn to have passion, trust and faith in your relationship to each other.

If he is not willing to do that, then he doesn't feel special to you because of himself, not because of you, and you can't take responsibility for that, no matter how much you may want to. Ultimately, within the relationship, you are each responsible for your own happiness.

Thank you, I will try to talk to him about it again.

Let us know how it goes :) We'll be here to help in any way we can!