This is what I do when I have nothing else to do!
Late night
"Well, according to a new study, coffee can improve your memory, that's what they say, drinking coffee improves your memory. Which is good news for both Barack Obama and John McCain. If we can get them to have some coffee before their first debate, maybe they can remember what their original positions were." --Jay Leno
"President Bush, this is interesting, was going to make history, he becomes the first sitting U.S. president to attend the Olympics in a foreign country. He said he's been looking forward to it, ever since he heard that in China, people are not allowed to make fun of political leaders" --Jimmy Kimmel
"While after vigorously denying reports of his extramarital affair, and calling the story ridiculous, untrue and tabloid trash, John Edwards today admitted he had an affair. And the National Enquirer was the only publication writing about it, the National Enquirer was the first to break it, turns out it was true. You know what this means? Elvis is alive! Bigfoot is real! Aliens are here! It's all true!" --Jay Leno
"President Bush arrived in Beijing earlier today. And before stepping out of the plane, he tested the air with a canary. But they got together, the Chinese, and threw a big state dinner for President Bush in his honor. They served Peking lame duck. And President Bush, he doesn’t know what he’s doing over there. He turned to the president of China, and he said, 'General Tso, I love your chicken.'" --David Letterman
"Well, Democrats are furious, they're going on record now saying John Edwards will not be allowed to speak at the convention because of this affair. Yeah, instead speaking in his place: Bill Clinton. You have to put your foot down." --Jay Leno
"In Beijing people are still concerned about the air quality. Earlier this week -- this is a true story -- a member of the International Olympic Committee said that the smog in Beijing isn’t pollution; it’s mist. Then, he said, 'Just make sure not to get any mist in your eyes or lungs.'" --Conan O'Brien
"And that Paris Hilton ad about John McCain has gotten over five million hits on the web. Five million, isn't that amazing? More people have seen the ad than have seen John McCain " --Jay Leno
Mommy Test
A mother was walking with her four year old daughter one day when the daughter picked up something off the ground and started to put it into her mouth. The mother stopped her and said she shouldn't do that.
"Why," asked the little girl.
"Because it’s dirty. It's been on the ground. You don't know where it's been. It probably has germs."
The little girl looked up at her mom with admiration and asked, "How do you know so much?"
Thinking quickly, the mother said, "All moms know so much. We have to. It's on the Mommy Test. If you don't know it, you don't get to be a mommy."
The little girl pondered this for a few minutes, then her face brightened. "I get it!" she said. "If you don't pass the test, you get to be a daddy!"
"Yup," said the mom.
Computer Messages in Haiku
Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
The Web site you seek
Cannot be located, but
Countless more exist.
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.
First snow, then silence.
This thousand-dollar screen dies
So beautifully.
With searching comes loss
And the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.
