Why Are We Afraid To Call Death What It Is?
This question is for an upcoming episode, but it's also very personal for me. A few years ago I lost my youngest sister to cancer; a few days ago I lost another good friend to this insidious, Satan-spawned bit of viciousness. I hate cancer with a passion that borders on mania, but that's not my question. My question has to do with how those of us who are left behind talk about death.
Since my friend expired, I've seen the usual stream of good Christian cliches: he's in a better place, God needed him more on the other side (that one rankles me to no end), all things work together for good, God's ways are higher than ours, someday we'll understand - here's my question, as bluntly as I know how to put it:
Why are we so afraid just to feel our grief and cry out "THIS REALLY SUCKS!"?
Death is NOT a blessing. Death is not a triumph. Death is not anything good. I'm going to die someday, and yeah, THAT REALLY SUCKS. If I live long enough, I'll have to get through the death of my beloved wife. THAT REALLY SUCKS. There is nothing good about death. And just so we're clear, there's no such thing as "death with dignity." Death is the ultimate INdignity. I remember seeing my dad on a slab in an undertaker's office, and more than anything else, I was struck by how helpless he appeared. That's not dignity.
Paul agrees with me. He calls death "the last enemy." Enemies are something to be resisted and defeated, and this is the big one.
So, back to the question. Why do we feel such a need to gloss over the ugliness and try to make it into some deep, spiritual lesson in faith and endurance? It's not. It bites the big one. It takes those we care about. It steals potential wisdom from us by taking people from us who have learned things we don't yet understand. It leaves us lonely and shattered. How in the name of common sense can we just blow all that off in favor of empty rhetoric? As Christians, we still have feelings and we can still hurt. Why are we afraid to acknowledge it?
Even Jesus did. John 11; how did he react when his friend died? Guess what: in his own unique way, he said "this really sucks." And he was right.
Okay, I'm going to have to take a step back here and get out of rant mode, and ask my question, which I believe I've already expressed more than once: why are we afraid to call death what it is? An enemy. A travesty. An indignity. An ultimate insult. And why are we so afraid to be angry about it? Anger is a natural reaction to a situation like the loss of my friend. And I for one am not above expressing it. And I believe God understands, and truthfully, I tend to suspect He agrees. But I'm a distinct minority, if the stuff I see around me is any indication.
I would like people's thoughts as to why you think this is the situation in American Christianity.
Way too verbose, but there it is. Thoughts?