My husband is arabic, he is 36 and I am 54, we met online and have been married almost 5 years. He is here in the usa on a permanent green card. We are both muslim.
I am heavy and was when we married. I am also on a diet and have lost 25 pds. I have had a hysterectomy 4 years ago. Last week, we had sexual relations, we both have orgasms, but he does not enjoy his. I finally pried out of him that he does not feel me as he would like, saying that my vagina is too deep and that he has talked to other men, truck drivers, and they told him it is because of my age and that there is nothing that can be done about it. He says there is this missing from our marriage. He told me that if he had known this, he would not have married me. He was a virgin when we married as per islam so he had no knowledge of sex. He also told me that he has kept this secret from me for 2 years. He does not plan to leave me, but he says that he cannot enjoy sex with me, but is glad that I enjoy it. I asked him why didn't you tell me this long before. H He said he didn't want to hurt me. I told him I will see a doctor to get a surgery for correction. He is convinced by supposedly reading research online that a surgery will not work and does not want me to waste my time with this. I need help. If anyone can tell me something about this I would appreciate it. I am a nurse and do have some knowledge. Please, if you know that a surgery would help, let me know. I am in love with my husband and I want to be able to please him.

ashamedofme

I have never heard of truck drivers being experts in women's vagina's, nor have I ever heard the theory that a 54 year old's vagina is too deep, thus causes dissatisfaction for her male partner.

Your husband shouldn't be talking about something he knows nothing about, with people who are the least able to advise him on female anatomy.

Perhaps he feels it is too deep, because his pecker is too small?

I have to say this really confuses me. Vagina is too deep. I think he's full of bull feathers.

To rest your mind at ease, and to ease the fault and responsibility you feel from your husband's 'findings', please go and visit your doctor for a good candid talk about your genitals, and see if he can offer any insight to set your mind at ease that you are normal.

Instinct tells me this is just an excuse of your husband, due to his lack of, shall we say, short manhood?

I would be more worried of how I would react to my husband saying this to me. I feel it would play on my ability to enjoy making love to him again.

There is nothing wrong with you, nor do you need surgery. You just need to teach him that his biggest sex organ is his brain, and truck drivers are lousy at being doctors.

Tell him to push harder. Sorry I have never heard of such a thing.

Truck drivers? Does he get legal advice from the restaurant? Computer advice from the plumber? Your husband needs to learn how to research questions. Is he heavy as well? There may be some mechanical issues in how you two "fit" together, and pelvic floor muscle toning will benefit you both.

Kegel Exercises For Men - AskMen.com
Kegel Exercises for Women: Benefits and How-To Instructions

WOW. I appreciate all of your answers. He did say to me one day that he knows it also comes from his brain. I'm sure that this is most of the problem. It could be that as we went along, his seeing my being so big, weight wise, has influenced his sensual feelings about me. I think in the beginning, when we first married, he had some unrealistic fantasy that I would lose weight when instead, I put 30 more pounds on. You see, I have herniations in my spine, so for a long time I have had serious pain from my back and on down my leg. I had a series of 3 cortisone injections over 6 months and with each injection, I gained 10 pounds. Then I had a nerve block which really helped me a lot for the first year and a half. It has long worn off. I just maintain the level of pain now with my anti-inflamatory pills. Finally after all this time I can move again, not pain free but at least I can move. Unfortunately, even with losing weight, and that will have to be a lot of weight, I will still have all the lose bagginess of my abdomen, arms, breasts etc. I won't be able to afford skin tucks and insurance won't pay. My husband is not so small by the way, he is a bit above average. My biggest challenge is that he is young arabic cultured man with islam as his rock. There are many things he won't do being against islam. And he won't cheat as this is also against his belief. So he feels regret. It tried to tell him before we married that my age could end up being a problem but he didn't believe me. My husband has a tendency to listen to people that do not have knowledge. These truckers sit around in their terminals talking about how this one left his wife because she had a loose hoohaa and that one says he got divorced 4 times for the same reason, his wives got older and they lost the elasticity in theirs. When he hears all these guys agreeing on the same thing, he feels there must be validity in it. He is also extremely bullheaded. When he gets something in his head, it's almost impossible to get it out. As a point of reference, my wieght is still well over 200 and I have a long way to go. But I do agree, I am going to see a gyne doc as soon as I can. This has put me in shame and I feel pretty much worthless.

Please show this forum to him.

His listening to overage boys is going to get him in trouble. Does he listen when they talk about using illegal drugs to stay awake on long-haul runs? Does that make it all right for him to use them?

Losing weight is difficult. Losing weight with back problems is more difficult. Does he think he should help you or is it all your problem, in his view?

I think you both need to go to a good doctor and talk about what is happening.

He needs to hear from a real expert, not from some guys in blue singlets and sunglasses that see their wives once a month for half an hour.

If sexual satisfaction is a problem then it could be a range of reasons - including inexperience, technique and your weight.

Get a professional, informed opinion - not misogynist 'experts'.

I too have problems witth my back... have you tried physical therapy? Please yourself esteem is pretty low, do you really want this man? He either needs to accept you for you or find some way to end this relationship. This is not ahealthy situation.