Hey, I am Zea; I am in my third year of high school. There is something I don’t quite understand about myself. Most of the time, for as long as I remember: I get extremely tired, feel uninterested, and bored with almost everything. Most of the time when I try concentrating on doing one thing, I always lose my attention, and start gazing somewhere, look out of the window,…etc. Even when I am engaged in a conversation with other people, I have to fake a smile, and act as if I am interested; that is if I don’t lose my attention. Almost everything bores me a lot. Once I was verbally insulted, indirectly though, I was near earshot but I felt dull at their comments (I was trying to help some students with their homework and I was nice to them, they were friendly too, at first) and for some reason I did not want to defend myself. Wouldn't someone normally want to defend themselves? Doing something unpredictable only helps me focus like playing soccer, which I don’t do very often. This all happens daily. I would label myself as a depressed person but…
Sometimes, the exact opposite happens. I get extremely excited if something grabs my attention, maybe even overdo it. For example, after we read Shakespeare’s Macbeth in class, I was fascinated, I fell in love with the play, and I could not forget about it that easily. So when I am inspired, I would talk to anyone about it but people stare at me indifferently, waiting for me to lose my excitement but because I never do they interrupt me, tell me to let it go, and move on. I really can’t express to you how these emotions burn me with extra energy; that I have to wear myself with sweat and exhaustion to get out that excitement. For example, if this happens when I am in class, my heart beats fast, and I can’t sit still, I feel like I will explode if don’t run fast to let it all out, the only way I deal with this is by running, otherwise I would tap my foot, stare nervously,. etc. Some people notice and I don’t want that kind of attention. This happens on weekly basis.
Don’t they say that girls mature faster than boys? Then why do I get so excited over the silliest things (ex: Macbeth)? Why is everyone around me calmer, while I can’t help how I overdo things? This makes me feel very different and distant from others, and I don’t like it. I don’t know if you will think that I am exaggerating, but things usually are like this, if this does not happen then I would be more relaxed like anyone else.
How do I keep myself focused? Is this normal? Do all people get that? Is it depression? What do you think I should do to make all this stop?
Any help is appreciated.
