i don't think i can do this anymore
I don't think I can handle this marriage any longer... im not even sure I still love him... but that could simply be because I am angry at the moment...
my hsuband is sitting behind me cussing and yelling and ing about money...
I took his debit card away and hid it yesterday... because he once again, for the 5 time this MONTH, over drew our account.
in case some of you don't know (I posted it already once I think) ill break down our budget...
in a month
he brings home about 1000
rent is 640 something.
electric is 180
grocerys 200
ciggarettes for him when we can sometimes afford it 100 (I have quit, because we can't afford it, but he refuses to)
phone 10$ but its in my moms bill and my mom doesn't make me pay it if I cant.
that's IT.
already we pay out more than what we have... and constantly borrow from friends, family, payday advances, and direct deposit advances... and god forbid anything unexpected happen in which we need more money for
well, right now his complaint is that HE has no EXTRA spending money...
well I'm sorry. NEITHER DO I.
I couldn't even afford to get our 5 year old school supplies. My mom paid for ALL of it.
so... I just gave him an ultimatum... I told him to think about it all day... and to tell me tonight after ayla goes to bed...
I told him that if he wanted all 'his money' back again (we were split up for 6 months last year and I didn't get any of 'his' money) and he wanted to spend all of 'his' money on crap, like mc donalds, monster drinks, and random candy and junk thruought the day... then to just TELL Me... and ill give him back his debit card, me and ayla will move back in with my mother, and then he can do it all by himself. And have all the extra money he wants...
then of course... being my husband he says 'oh that's nice' and stomps away...
am I being mean here? This is not the first time this has happened. We have been married 3 years. And of those three years, I have been hospitalized for suiside 6 times (I have NEVER been admitted to the hosptial before I met and married him) we fight constantly... arguing over stupid things over and over and over again...
we just got food stamps... and aparently he thinks 'oh good we have food stamps now I can spend MORE money' I'm sorry that's just now how it works...
for those of you who don't know... my husband has mental retardation (im not saying it as an insult. He was in his mothers birth canal for way too long and was oxygen deprived for almost 8 minutes when he was born)
I am just at my wits end...
the only thing holding me back... is my daughter. Her school is here... my moms house is 25-30 minutes away... granted, the food stamps are in my name, so my husband won't have those, so I suppose I can help my mom pay for her gas, by buying grocerys for her. But that won't work forever. And my duaghter LOVES this school and her teacher and already has many friends... is it selfish of me to want to take her away from all that to get away from my husband?
we are in marriage counseling... the counselor says give it time, but we haven't seen him for a week or so.
or do you think this is still savable? Could a weekend (or week long) marriage retreat help? A vacation together? Or even simply time APART?
any advice is greatly apreciated... thank you...
*PS* NOW, he is ing at me for having a ciggarette because of all the stress. And he also demands that I take it outside which I'm not going to because HE smokes in the damn house!