My ex partner and I had been together for 7 years. He has decided to leave me because I wasn't honnest with him (which I called it a little white lie) anyway over a year ago we were having problems and I went out to a pub with some friends, I got attention from the lead singer of a band. Stupid me kept going back! After a few months of going there I was infatuated with him, nothing physically happened. So I hated lying, so I told my partner at the time how I felt about this other man, he was crushed obviously :(
To make the story short, I stayed with my partner because I knew I loved him and not the other man! A year passes by and I went out with a friend to see the singer play in his new band and lied to my partner. My so called friend told him a week later :mad: and he was furrious! I didn't want to tell him because I knew how he'd react! I love my ex I feel like he's left me for no good reason saying he can't trust me anymore, but I don't like this other man, I'm 100% innocent! Is he just insecure and jealous? Or have I stuffed up? :confused:

You stuffed up. You know you did. My ex went out behind my back also 4 times and each time with the same excuse that its because I'd get mad and she can't be with her friends... yet we always went out together with each others' friends and not once did she say she was going out alone with a friend. So her going behind my back is scary especially when I know that while she did have a boyfriend she met me behind his back and she even had to leave and hung out with another guy and that's why I didn't trust her going out behind my back... She could have tried being honest and try to fix the relationship but yeah. What you did sounds similar and its just not cool to hurt a guy like that. Whether he is insecure or not, that obviously hurt him and that's what matters.

But the thing is I don't have ANY feeling's for this other guy, I keep telling my ex that I don't. If I thought it was wrong I would have felt guilty, and I'm not the cheating type I know I love my ex, It was just an honnest mistake!

If I had a girlfriend and she lies to me, I can't trust her and be with her.

It was your fault for lying to him. Lying is the same as cheating because they both break trust. I suggest you give him some space and see if he will come back to you.

How is it an honest mistake when you said the two of you were having problems with this and a year later you still go to see the same guy. That would tell me that my girl is still up to no good again and possibly missing something and I couldn't trust her again.

Face it, you lied. It doesn't matter what size or kind it was... you lied. And lie's break trust. Trust and communication is EVERYTHING in a relationship (next to love of course). Seems like you have the love part down but you still broke that trust and communication. Once you break something like that, it could take years to gain it back. Even if you and your ex get back together, he may never trust you the same again. Lying leaves a scar. I don't know your ex but it sounds to me like he didn't do anything to deserve to be lied to.

You have to understand that lying, small to you but big to him, plus another guy that your seeing behind his back, looks really bad.

Most telling is after 7 years you knew he was insecure, so why tell him you are infatuated with someone, and lie about seeing him.

You broke his trust, which is fragile anyway. Yeah you stuffed up, by not dealing with the insecurity issue, YEARS ago.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by babe86

My ex partner and I had been together for 7 years. He has decided to leave me because I wasn't honnest with him ... I love my ex I feel like he's left me for no good reason saying he can't trust me anymore, but I don't like this other man, I'm 100% innocent!! Is he just insecure and jealous? or have I stuffed up? :confused:

---

That's a good enough reason to end a relationship.

You say you didn't do anything physical with him, but it's safe to say that probably would have happened in the future. You can't forget that you told your boyfriend of seven-years that you were caught up with another guy you met at a bar; you crushed his world. You're not 100% innocent, and trying to pin this on him by asking whether he's jealous or insecure makes it sound even worse.

Your ex had the foresight to see all the bad things that could happen and had the balls to pull the trigger on a seven-year relationship, most guys won't do that. Hats off to him.

Gee.. this is a tough one.. you started with
"He has decided to leave me because I wasn't honnest with him"

And you end it with
"I'm 100% innocent!!"

Wake up babe... as others said, you lied to him.. it doesn't matter how little YOU think it is, it matters how it made him feel and the pain it caused him.

Leave him alone for awhile and educate yourself on what a healthy, open, and HONEST relationship means.

Thumper

You lied, he gave you a second chance and you screwed it up by going again and lying about it. Whether you have feelings or not, personally I would have been gone the first time but he tried and you just took advantage. You're not innocent

If you had absolutely no feelings at all whatsoever for this other guy, you wouldn't have gone to see his band knowing how your partner felt about it!

You had such little respect for your relationship and your boyfriend that you went behind his back, to see a guy that your partner had a problem with, then lied about it.

You're not 100% innocent!
You knowingly "stuffed up" the relationship, because you knew his feelings and completely disregarded them!