I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now and we are very much in love, but he won't marry me. I have asked him on a few occasions and he said it's a man's job to ask, but when I ask him if he wants to in the future, he says no. He doesn't want to have children either, and I don't right now, but I might do in the future.

I really love this guy he is my world. I don't have any of my family around, only his family, but I want to feel complete, and a real part of his family. I can't ever remember feeling special, and I know if he did this for me, I would feel very special. In truth I know these things will never happen for me, but I don't understand why? I'm loving and loyal and have never hurt him or anyone. I want a happy life, with happy memories, all I have are horrible memories.

He is happy with the way things are and I feel greedy for wanting to have this. I don't know if I should just let the thought go, and carry on just being a girlfriend forever?? I don't know.


Edited/T

"I can't ever remember feeling special and i know if he did this for me i would feel very special" <-That right there is a huge red flag. He has isolated you, his family doesn't make you feel like you're part of the family.. This sounds very lonely. And let me tell you, marriage changes nothing. This is as good as it's going to get. People (mostly women) seem to think that when you get married, it'll fix all your problems, but it doesn't. It just gives you benefits from the government and makes it harder to leave them. I don't know if it's marriage you want, but a guy who will fulfill your fantasy of making you feel special, and you deserve it! This is your life, live it the way you want, and except nothing less.
There comes a time when you need to ask yourself, "What do I get out of this relationship". If you don't have a big list that makes you smile, you need to get out.

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Originally Posted by ssaarraa

he is happy with the way things are

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You live together? You care for the household and manage the cooking? You are available for sex whenever he wants it?

If your answer to those questions is "yes," why would he want to marry you? He has everything he wants now. Why buy the cow if the milk is free?

His family make me feel apart of them, they are great, but I want this for me, he has already been married before and says its only paper but if that's all it is why won't he do this if he knows it means a lot to me? Yes I do live with him but we share the chores and to be honest I have a higher sex drive so he doesn't use me in any way... everything else is perfect I just really want this to feel complete.

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Originally Posted by ssaarraa

he doesn't use me in any way

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I didn't say he does.

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everything else is perfect I just really want this to feel complete.

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For him, everything IS perfect. He already feels complete -- without marriage.

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In truth I know these things will never happen for me, but I don't understand why?

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I do, because you are willing to settle for less than you want, with a fellow who doesn't want what you want. So of course you will never get what you want.

You NEVER get what you want by waiting for someone else to get it for you.

His life is perfect, yours is not. Hmmm!!

You two want two different things and you are not going to be happy as long as you are with someone who you know does not want marriage, does not want the things you want.
There is nothing wrong with marriage but it does not complete you.
He has things as he wants them and you don't. Do you want to spend the rest of your life like this?

Maybe, he doesn't want to be married as of yet because he already went down that road and it didn't work out for him. So maybe he might be scared of getting married.

Let me tell you a story about my aunt. My aunt was with her boyfriend since she was 18 and he was 20 at the time. They lived together for years and even had two kids. Everyone who knew use to always wonder why they wasn't married and when they were going to be but my aunt and him were happy with the way things were. Forward to 20 years later and their kids in their twenties they decided to tied the knot. I was shocked but happy for them at the same time.

So if you are happy with him why the need to rush things. If he is worth it and you love him then maybe this is as good as it gets. And you might not find someone else like him. Just a thought!

That "little piece of paper" (i.e. marriage certificate) is worth so much more than just making you happier.

With so many couples cohabiting, some people wonder why they would need a marriage license or other marriage record. After all, many people choose to simply live together, have kids together, and otherwise act as a married couple without actually signing a piece of paper. However, having a marriage record will entitle you to certain rights, including:

* Benefits – Married couples and any dependents that they have can receive their spouse’s government benefits, including Social Security, disability or unemployment benefits, pensions, and other forms of public assistance.
* Deportation – If a spouse is not a citizen of the U.S. then they can avoid deportation by being married.
* Inheritance – Should the spouse die, the surviving spouse is eligible to receive a share of the estate under intestate succession laws.
* Insurance – You can receive lower family rates if you are married.
* Lawsuits – If you are married, you can sue another party for the wrongful death of your spouse. In some states, you can also sue a third party for interference with the marriage. If you are involved in a court case, you can claim marital communications privilege, which prevents the courts from forcing you to disclose confidential communications that occurred while you were married.
* Life estate trust – Married couples can create a marital life estate trust.
* Medical – If you are married, then you have the right to make medical decisions for your spouse if they cannot make them on their own, such as in extreme disability or injury.
* Tax benefits – Married couples can file jointly, which can affect the amount of taxes due. They can also create a family partnership, which would lower the total tax on business income. They can also claim an estate tax marital deduction.
* Visitation – If you are married, then you will be able to visit your spouse any place that is restricted to immediately family, including intensive care units and jails.

Proof of marriage may be required for the paperwork of some of the items listed above. For instance, if you want to add your new husband or wife to your insurance policy, you may be required to provide proof of marriage. If the wife wants to take her husband’s name after the marriage, she may also be required to provide proof of marriage to do so.

(from Marriage Records | People Search Pro)

Don't settle for less than what you want. If you want a marriage rather than shacking up and your man has no desire to marry, to me, hanging around for years hoping he will change is mind is a waste.
If you want the traditional life and family why should you settle for less, especially since you know that is not what he wants.

I'm echoing Homegirl here, but the common denominator is you and your boyfriend want different things, and after five years, rest assured nothing is going to change.

My advice is don't limit yourself.

Personally, I feel a relationship is truly successful if both parties are growing together and working toward a common goal, like preparing for a family, having that family and providing for that family. Because you want marriage and children, it seems you feel the same.

I understand were you are coming from because been with my boyfriend for 9 years and have 2 kids.
He does not want to get married and it really upsets me as I feel its avery imprtant role in youur life together.I just want to marry the man I love but I know its never going to happen so you have to sometimes let things go for the person you love.