EX TOO DEPENDENT?
So my fiancé has an ex-wife and 4 kids with her. She has primary custody of them and we have them every other weekend with my fiancé taking them to dinner one extra day during the week. When I started dating my fiancé, his ex was already dating a guy (actually right after her divorce). They were seeing each other for 3 years or more and they got engaged. He recently left her. She has never really been alone. He was the one that was primarily taking care of the kids, and I guess it got too much for him to handle. She has lupus, but over-dramatizes everything. She is not disabled, but complains a lot about her pain every time we talk to her.
I've been told by my fiancé that she was very lazy in their marriage, and that he would often be left to take care of the kids when he got home from work and she would just check out. That makes me skeptical that she may be seeking sympathy. When she communicates with my fiancé, she shares way too much information such as how she is feeling and about her day. It is annoying to me but he defends her whenever I bring it up. That doesn't make me feel so good. She now is depending more on my fiancé, asking him to come to her house during lunch breaks to bring the kids lunch if they are home, when he drops the kids off at night at her house she asks him to bring in boxes, groceries, etc. She just recently asked him to fix a clogged bathtub. She is moving and also asked him to help her move as well. My fiancé doesn't know how to place boundaries with her and if he does she blows up. I also think that he may be fearful that if he causes friction with her, she may withhold information about the kids, or talk bad about him to them.
Since her fiancé left, she has been asking us to take the kids more. It ruins our schedule and makes me feel like our lives are going to start becoming dependent on how she is feeling on a daily basis. I've suggested to my fiancé that we take his kids FT, if she feels like she cannot handle it. He doesn't want to take them away from the mother.
My question is….do you think his ex is over-stepping boundaries? Is she depending on my fiance too much?