I am a 21 year old male. I am a very devoted Christian and I am very close to my church congregation. I am secretly battling a porn and masturbation addiction. I have a great girlfriend who loves me but I feel like I have a lot of anxiety and can't tell if I love her. I have been researching and I think a lot of my relationship anxiety and addiction comes from my relationship with my mother. She has always been bipolar and often depressed. Also very narcisistic and on and off drugs. I also had some sexual encounters with some other young children when I was very young. It was brought on by them not me but I feel like I may be damaged goods. How do I move beyond all this?

That's a lot of difficult things you are trying to make sense of. I would book to see a counsellor where you can safely talk it all through. It doesn't sound like something we can offer you a quick fix for but it can all be worked through with a little help.

Porn and masturbation addictions are rare. A lot of this I believe is your own psychological landscape. I think there is a lot there that you're not forgiving yourself for that you lay blame on yourself for. There is a lot you're willing to forgive your girlfriend for. Do the same for yourself.

I say in all seriousness. Get help. Talk it out. Figure it out. Make sure you're the person you want to be before you commit to anything. I speak from experience.

As QLP and Craven have said, counseling is your best option. I think you need someone who is objective to listen to your concerns and give you immediate feedback.

I will say that you are not 'damaged goods'. I do think you are a confused young man who needs guidance to work through his past and balance the different aspects of his life.

I agree with most of what has been said here, there are many things that you have mentioned that, when added up together, need a proper attention by a professional, face to face.

I think one of the worst things we can do to ourselves, is self-diagnose. And even if you are right in calling what you have, addictions, that is only one part of starting on a plan to address the causes.

I too, urge you to seek out help, and wish you all the best of luck.

If you are what you claim to be, then it is time to get in touch with someone, preferably your pastor, and discuss this with them. There are organizations like Pure Desires International that deal with this sort of problem all the time. Usually on a church wide case, but also on individual counseling. Contact someone and get help dealing with this.