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-   -   Dealing with emotional stress (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=747481)

  • May 5, 2013, 09:48 AM
    armydad86
    Dealing with emotional stress
    Hi I'm 26 married and have three children I'm also in AIT as I have graduated army basic training so yes I am a soldier. My wife and I have been married for 5 years and together for 7 and a half. I have treated her like crap... not on purpose but I never got over the abuse from my childhood so I always was on the defence and looking out for myself. Since before I graduated basic I became a new person I actually loved my wife in a way I never did before I've turned my life to god and everything else. The other day I spoke to my wife and she did a 180 she came and saw me graduate while I was 6 hours from her and we had the two best days of our marriage she went home and I came to AIT I had flowers sent to her and she loved it cause it was the first time she ever got flowers. There were two days I was unable to talk to her andwhen I spoke to her the third day she was not happy she was telling me how much I hurt her in the past and she told me she is not sure if she wants to stay with me or leave. I'm not eating much cause I want to throw up I'm down all the time and I cry I don't know what to do right now please help
  • May 5, 2013, 09:53 AM
    Wondergirl
    You've suddenly changed the game and how you perceive her. You've rocked the marital boat, and she is no longer sure how to act.

    She's thinking, "Is he for real, or is this just temporary, a dream? Can I trust him? Do I dare? What if this is just temporary and he goes back to his old ways? Do I dare let my defenses down?"

    So, are you for real? Is this permanent?
  • May 5, 2013, 09:55 AM
    armydad86
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    You've suddenly changed the game and how you perceive her. You've rocked the marital boat, and she is no longer sure how to act.

    She's thinking, "Is he for real, or is this just temporary, a dream? Can I trust him? Do I dare? What if this is just temporary and he goes back to his old ways? Do I dare let my defenses down?"

    So, are you for real? Is this permanent?
    I'm real and this is forever I have never felt this kind of love for anyone besides my children ii know it is hard for her and everything I'm just so scared that I waited to long
  • May 5, 2013, 10:03 AM
    Wondergirl
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by armydad86 View Post
    I'm real and this is forever I have never felt this kind of love for anyone besides my children ii know it is hard for her and everything I'm just so scared that I waited to long
    No, I think she is just teetering and unbalanced right now. She knows how to act when you are a certain (abusive?) way, but now you are suddenly nice. She doesn't know how to act when you are nice. You've done a 180-degree turnaround. She isn't sure it's for real.

    I wonder how you can convince her. Ask for x number of months as a trial? Is marital counseling a possibility? She's not convinced yet.
  • May 5, 2013, 10:09 AM
    armydad86
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    No, I think she is just teetering and unbalanced right now. She knows how to act when you are a certain (abusive?) way, but now you are suddenly nice. She doesn't know how to act when you are nice. You've done a 180-degree turnaround. She isn't sure it's for real.

    I wonder how you can convince her. Ask for x number of months as a trial? Is marital counseling a possibility? She's not convinced yet.
    She said she will not do marital counsling and I am going to do whatever I can to convince her the only problem is I can't see her for almost a month and I know a lot can happen so that adds to my worry and stress as well as her so I don't know I'm just drained
  • May 5, 2013, 10:15 AM
    fredg
    The only thing you can do is keep being your "new" self, and pray it will turn out OK. She is having doubts, and I don't blame her.
    Life is not always easy, and we make mistakes. Keep trying and hope for the best. Good luck.
  • May 5, 2013, 10:22 AM
    armydad86
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by fredg View Post
    The only thing you can do is keep being your "new" self, and pray it will turn out OK. She is having doubts, and I don't blame her.
    Life is not always easy, and we make mistakes. Keep trying and hope for the best. Good luck.
    Thank you
  • May 5, 2013, 11:02 AM
    Wondergirl
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by armydad86 View Post
    She said she will not do marital counsling and I am gonna do whatever I can to convince her the only problem is I can't see her for almost a month and I know a lot can happen so that adds to my worry and stress as well as her so I don't know I'm just drained
    Don't knock yourself out apologizing or moaning about how rotten you used to be (it will sound insincere). Don't let your stress and worry overwhelm you when responding to her. That's between you and us. Be confident around her and when talking with her. Send her a pretty card or two, send upbeat emails and texts about what you are doing, be concrete but loving, ask about the children, be a new-normal. If she continues to talk about splitting up, just let her vent and listen to her. A simple agreement and apology are all you need to say. You want a chance to show her you've changed -- ask her for three months? Or whatever she needs.

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