Hello I have been married for 8 years now, and me and my husband just purchased a larger home. His 21 year old daughter has moved in with us and she is completely 100% not independent. She does not drive or have a job. She relays on my husband for meals, clothing and everything she needs. His attention is completely on her now and I feel robbed of a husband. Am I being selfish or are my concerns and feelings valid? I asked him how long she planned on staying with us and he said basically forever because she is his daughter. The daughter feels entitled to everything in our home and my husband has to run and get her something to eat 3 times a day. I don’t know how to feel about this? Help please.

Is she physically disabled or has a mental illness? Or is just spoiled? Where's her mom?

Do you have kids by a previous relationship, or with your husband? If so is he a good father? Is the daughter respectful, and do you get along with her? Have you interacted in those 8 years since she was about 13 when you married? Were they close before and in regular contact as she was growing up? Did you know or talk to his ex? Did he have regular visitations?

These are things to consider to understand how to best judge your feelings. Jealousy or resentment or BOTH? Just from what you have written though I personally would stay out of here relationship, establish boundaries on my stuff and see if your husband would entertain guiding her to a life path. Maybe he feels bad himself if he missed her growing up and could be making up for lost time. Did you discuss this beforehand? If not, I would be resentful about that TBH.

I'd like to know more if you're comfortable with that.