I have been married to my husband for less than a year. We never had the honeymoon period in our marriage and we never have sex anymore. Yesterday he was taking a shower and ask me before he went to the bathroom, did I mind if he masturbated. I didn't know what to say we never have sex and I was wondering why he would want to touch himself and not me? He came out all happy with himself and told me he masturbated to Anne Hathaway and a sex scene she was in. I am an obese 24 year old women. I have a really big problem with this as I came over from Ireland to live in America with him. I know no body and I put off my career to take care of our two year old child while he finished off his medical degree. I have not had sex in three weeks, the shower has more sex than me it seems! I need someone's help to sort this problem. Thanks to all that answer.

Have you talked to him about your feelings and how you feel second place to his masturbating?

Communication is key in marriages... don't let the communication stop before it's even begun!

You need to ask him about this. Why is there no sex?
He might think you aren't interested. Or he doesn't want to "bother" you.
Communication is key to a good relationship.

I agree, it sounds like a lack of communication here. Come right out with it and talk to him about it. If he won't talk about it, try to initiate it yourself. Come sit in his lap nakked while he is watching TV after your little one is in bed. Get a sexy outfit to wear for him.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by 678irish

I have been married to my husband for less than a year. we never had the honeymoon period in our marriage and we never have sex anymore. yesterday he was taking a shower and ask me before he went to the bathroom, did i mind if he masturbated. I didnt know what to say we never have sex and I was wondering why he would want to touch himself and not me? He came out all happy with himself and told me he masturbated to Anne Hathaway and a sex scene she was in. I am an obese 24 year old women. I have a really big problem with this as I came over from Ireland to live in America with him. I know no body and I put off my career to take care of our two year old child while he finished off his medical degree. I have not had sex in three weeks, the shower has more sex than me it seems!! I need someones help to sort this problem. thanks to all that answer.

---

Does this guy disrespect you in any OTHER ways? Why would someone TELL you that they masturbated to someone else? How does he talk to you? How does he treat you? Does he call you hateful names? When you two do have sex, is he selfish?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jmjoseph

Why would someone TELL you that they masturbated to someone else?

---

This really depends on the couple sometimes. My husband and I both share with each other our fantasies. My husband is absolutely in love with kristy alley. While I dream about Vin deisle ;)


678, could it be that your husband is letting you know he is ready?

The next time he asks if you would mind if he masterbates, try saying 'well we could have sex instead'

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jenniepepsi

this really depends on the couple sometimes. my husband and i both share with each other our fantasies. my husband is absolutely in love with kristy alley. while i dream about Vin deisle ;)


678, could it be that your husband is letting you know he is ready?

the next time he asks if you would mind if he masterbates, try saying 'well we could have sex instead'

---

Yeah, Jennie, but he said" WOW that was good, I just "had sex" with so and so", while she sits there agast, sexually frustrated, feelings hurt. That's not very healthy. Maybe if you're apart, you COULD... no, not even then would I take a chance on hurting my wife's feelings by telling her that I "sharpened my pencil " while thinking of another woman. It's different saying that you think that someone is pretty, but to admit to fantasizing about someone else while you're " spanking the monkey"...

I'm a bit confused by your post. You've been married for a year, have a 2 year old child and you've come from Ireland to be with him in the States... OK, I get that bit.

Then you say you NEVER have sex and then you say that you haven't had sex for 3 weeks. Um, so you do have sex but it's just not frequent enough for you... is that it?

I think your husband's behavior is very insensitive, but I also think that he's telling you something. You say you're obese (I'm using your words - you did say obese NOT overweight). By that, I'm assuming you're very big.

Could it be that he's giving you a hint about your weight and that he's not sexually attracted to you? Masturbating to a fantasy is not unusual, but telling you're a partner that you are is. So, what is he - albeit in an extremely clumsy way - trying to tell you?

I suggest that if you are indeed obese, then this may be affecting his desire for you and that you need to talk to him about it. Being morbidly overweight is a serious health issue apart from being a turn off (for most men). The lack of sex in your relationship could be related to your size and his response to it.

If this is the case, you need to talk about it and undertake to lose some weight - which will be much healthier for you, your marriage and your child in the long run anyway.

I think there are a few different possible things in play here... its not likely a simple answer.

Does he have any medical issues? On any medications?

Has there been any fighting... or hostility directed at him...

Has any of this weight been recently gained... or were you somewhere near this weight when you met? I ask because it may not be the reason here unless it was all recent then it might be a factor. Its not an issue for all guys.

Anne hathaway is very slim-you are not. I'd put my money on his "way" of telling you that this is an issue for him.

A bit insensitive I'd say.

Why don't you masturbate about your ideal lover and describe it to him especially the part about how "big" he is and how desirable you feel and how you love the fantasy so much because "it isn't your husband" in the fantasy... see how that goes down.

I'm going to come off insensitive here but....

Did you gain weight AFTER dating/marrying him or did he meet you the weight you are currently?

It makes a difference-- really. If he met you at the weight you are today, then it's not because your "obese", it's another reason...

Sarah

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jenniepepsi

this really depends on the couple sometimes. my husband and i both share with each other our fantasies. my husband is absolutely in love with kristy alley. while i dream about Vin deisle ;)


678, could it be that your husband is letting you know he is ready?

the next time he asks if you would mind if he masterbates, try saying 'well we could have sex instead'

---

Yes but your also intimate with each other<quessing>

Doesn't this guy sound kind of in your face about it?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by zippit

yes but your also intimate with each other<quessing>

doesnt this guy sound kind of in your face about it?

---

Yes your right. Definitely.

I also forgot to mention that while me and my husband are open about our fantasys, we NEVER imagine having sex with that 'fantasy person' while we are making love together. Its only when he is masterbating, or I am masterbating privately.

I also want to add my curiosity to mudwisers question. If you were already heavy when you met/married him, this is not the issue. I'm overweight (doctors WOULD call me obese at a 48% BMI :o ) however it was THIS body my husband fell in love with. Strange as it seems, if I were to lose a lot of weight, he would no longer be attracted me sexually.

So definatley let us know if the weight was gained during marriage or before.