Hey, just a quick question about what is reasonable. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, and we live together, and were very happy. (im 21, he's 23)

Recently he found some old girlfriend of his on Facebook that was a sort of childhood love left openended. (he was about 12, so nothing serious.) He starts to message her, and she remembers very little, immediately starts calling him by a friendly nickname, and starts being flirtatious. This has only been a couple days, but they keep texting back and fourth, and though I don't know exactly what they're saying, he isn't hiding it, and what she's saying is flirtatious, with lots of smily faces and *pokes and other things.

She knows we're in a serious relationship, but it doesn't seem to change anything. I feel sort of lonely when he does it too.. He'll go on for 30minutes to 2 hours at a time without really paying attention to me at all.

We've talked about it, but he says, she's not my type and there's nothing going on, just catching up...

I obviously am pretty jealous, but I feel like if I tell him to stop that I'd be just some controlling him, but It's tearing me up every time his phone buzzes for her text. I just want to throw the phone out the window!

Can someone tell me, what should I do, should I take a stand?

So ask him to remove her as a friend, and/or explain he was just finding old friends but not up for email exchange. And have him merely ignore any messages from her.

And to "text" he had to give her his number also.

Tell him to put a end to it NOW

My now wife and at one time girlfriend, after the third time would have smashed it to pieces, you need to explain this to him, and ask him how the couch sleeps

Hello Tam,

Facebook can be very dangerous! The reason I know this is because it has caused my ex husband and I turmoil... Same thing happened to me. A woman from his past had sent him a friend request. At first, I didn't really mind, then after a while, I thought to myself, okay, that's enough. How I handled it was just by telling him that hurts my feelings that he is confiding in another woman. Or even spending more time talking to her on FB. He then removed her, after sending a message indicating why he would remove her. I happen to like Facebook. I find that it is a good vehicle to keep in touch with my friends and family. However, I DO NOT have exboyfriends on there, or men that I don't know! Only people that I know. It's up to you on how you wold like to handle this situation. I feel that you should explain that you are hurt ad upset by all of this... If he cares for you, then he will remove her from Facebook. Also, this texting stuff has to stop! Why they even exchanged numbers, I'll never know!

Also YES you are being reasonable!

I wish you luck.

Have to say I did what he did. Perhaps things would not turn out the same way but I ended up falling for the ex and cheating. Thankfully my fiancé is a goddess and forgave me but the fact still is that an old flame is a flame that can flicker and you don't want that. Being that your boyfriend remembers more of her than she does him means that he really liked her and was wondering where she had gone. She didn't really ever think about him but maybe she is willing to get to know him better again. Either way Squash this potental problem before it evolves into something horrible. At least you know, my fiancé didn't know until after we had broke up and gotten back together due to completely unrelated problems. (Actually I didn't cheat, I broke up with her and then seen my ex but I had been talking to her for a while.)

Let him know exactly how you feel. The biggest way to avoid the temptation to cheat, is to step up and tell your partner what is acceptable and what is not, and to allow your partner to do the same. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable. If he cares what you think, he will respect that.

This makes me cranky.

It is not okay to rekindle any relationship, or start a new relationship, or exchange email and texts with another woman, while you are committed in an existing relationship.

Why is there no restraint here on his part, even enough to know that he means 'nothing' and put an end to it.

Each of them are encouraging each other. They bounce back and forth like a couple of school kids with a new soccer ball.

She should know better than to mix it up with him while he has you. He should know better than to mix it up with her, because you should come first. Girls on the side never work out, regardless if it is in person, or through texting.

Tell him to stop, it makes you uncomfortable. Period. If he wants to pursue women, fine- but not while you are around.

I'd be questioning his maturity level, his level of commitment to you, and his minimizing the effect this has on your relationship.

Keeping silent will see this continue between the two of them. Saying something you risk finding out that he's not who you thought he was.

The two of you need to talk about why this blast from the past is causing a problem.

I wouldn't put up with it for more than three seconds.

Darn these new social networking sites, and texting!!

I think as others have pointed out, you tell him how you feel about it, and if he doesn't give you the considerations you deserve, then he does his thing without you.

Thank you guys! I appreciate the support

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Darn these new social networking sites, and texting!!!

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Facebook: Destroying relationships since 2004.

Let us know how everything turns out. You've gotten some great advice here and now need to step up to the plate to bring it to an end before it goes any further.

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Originally Posted by AmericanGirl01

Facebook: Destroying relationships since 2004.

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I don't agree. It's not Facebook destroying relationships, it's people.

Yay! Contact broken, and things are back to normal! :) Thanks everyone!