We had been married for twenty eight years.

That's far more than half my life. We were married at twenty-two, but the years prior don't count the same because I didn't begin to know or grow until I was almost twenty. Seems alotta people are the same way, but won't admit it...

Not too long ago, she was a part of my every day. Taking care of her, and her needs, gave me purpose.
Even when she wasn't really all there, I could hear her advise as if it were just spoken.
I'd best cling to that.

There was a service to celebrate her life. Family came from all corners of the US...
Pictures were summonsed from the dark corners of several closets, many of those pictures long forgotten...
She didn't like her picture taken, yet I still managed to find more of them than I remember.
Even still, albums are reappearing that have been long set aside for more important things... the day-to-day hustle, and thing's that seem more pressing... I'll get back to those albums... some day...
Many of the decisions that would have been difficult then, are harder now. I don't have the same confident advisor...

I would like to turn back the hands of time, to the days when I took many of those pictures, and I'd like to think for all the one's I took, candidly, I also took the time to tell her in many different ways, just how much she meant to me, through the many years.
And I hope I took the time to tell her how much I love her...

Don't you miss your chance. Tomorrow doesn't always come.

I feel your loss, and yes there is never a second chance.

I have buried two wives, one on the last time we talked I had "bad" words, guess what you can never take them back, I have tried ever since then never to leave home on a bad tone.

Oh Rich, time sweetheart, you need time. Let yourself mourn. Let yourself heal. Let yourself get comfortable with the way things are now. Anyone who knows you would say that she knew how much you love her, then and now. You are going to get through this, you just need time. Be patient with all of the steps, be patient with the laughs and the tears that may come out of you, let it all just flow like you feel it... I believe in you Rich, you can get through this!
You still have purpose, you have a lot to do still, many people to influence with your knowledge, and love. Time, give yourself a bit of time.

CP - I am so sorry for your loss. Need a shoulder to cry on? Here it is, use mine.

One day you'll look back at all those long forgotten photos and a smile will spread across your face, and you will feel peace. This I promise you.

Until then, remember the good times, know that she felt your love, she knew, she didn't need the words, because you loved her with all your heart.

You are in my prayers, and my thoughts. And that shoulder of mine? It's there if you need it.

I am sorry for your loss Capt.

The sea is not always smooth sailing,this storm too shall pass and you my dear Capt will find it in you to sail over these sad,difficult times.

And the memories of times past will be the wind in your sails.

Im very sorry for loss Captain. The others here have said it best. Please allow yourself to grieve and heal.

You're a good man with a good heart and over time it will not ache so bad.

Capt...

I agree... no words could top the others'. Although I can't say that I have been where you are right now, just know that you have many by your side. We care deeply for you and your soul, and know in our hearts that (in time) you will persevere.

Afternoon, Cap'n...

I watched my Mother struggle through the same heartache that is still fresh in your soul. I have no words of wisdom, but a simple assurance that your wife is only gone from sight, she continues to live on in your memory, in your daily rituals, in your every thought.

My Dad died after 10 months shy of 30 years of marriage to my Mom. He battled cancer, but in the end, lost his fight. He battled bravely, but near the end we called in hospice to help my Mom with the little things around the house. I know that without them, we would have been desperately alone. After the service, when everyone went home and back to their normal loss-free lives, we still remained. We felt the emptiness in everything, and it hurt.

Today, four years after my Dad's passing, my Mom is the most valued and important volunteer at our Hospice. She goes into the homes of people who are in the same state we were, just over four years ago. She is able to help them in ways that other Hospice volunteers cannot - because she has lived through it. She has experienced the loss and is able to not only sympathize, but truly empathize with their pain.

It is probably too fresh, but I'd recommend considering this valuable ministry at a later date. You are now able to help people that you would never have before... it has given my Mom a sense of meaning in place of her sense of loss.

It doesn't take away the pain, but it is a true healing balm. Giving of yourself when you only want to lie down and cry - that's when it ministers to others AND you.

You are - and have been - in my prayers.

Much love, Cap'n.

Oh cap sweetheart,
The memories of all the happy times spent together is what she would want you to remember.
She would not want you to be sad or lost and she'll always be with you.
It will take time to adjust, to move through the different stages of mourning, and to smile without feeling guilty, and to get back into the grove of a new phase.
It will come, it will just take time. I know it may not mean anything now (the time thing) because it may not seem that way, but it is true as you will see.
I know that nothing said can change anything, but we love you and are here for you.
For now, let your feelings run their course, it's only expected.
Lots of hugs cap, lots of them. You are in my thoughts.

Hi there captain I am where you are only a few months on, my dear Mum and my brother both died suddenly with in weeks of each other, the blow was unbearable for any living soul and like yourself had many condolences from people I didn't even know, I like you say thank you very much and how kind of you silently thinking that they have no idea of the huge hollow inside not knowing what to do or is there any point anyway and so on.

At this time someone sent me this verse which at the time I couldn't read through the tears and I have to say I'm finding it difficult now,I'll put it down for you in an effort to comfort you, she will be with you love where ever you are cause you can't see her doesn't mean she's not there speak to her as you would in life it really does help and she will hear
You she's only left for the next life a little early xxtakecare

YOU CAN SHED TEARS THAT SHE IS GONE
OR YOU CAN SMILE BECAUSE SHE HAS LIVED

YOU CAN CLOSE YOUR EYES AND PRAY THAT SHE WILL COME BACK
OR YOU CAN OPEN YOUR EYES AND SEE ALL THAT SHE HAS LEFT

YOUR HEART CAN BE EMPTY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T SEE HER
OR YOU CAN BE FULL OF LOVE THAT YOU SHARED

YOU CAN TURN YOUR BACK ON TOMORROW AND LIVE YESTERDAY
OR YOU CAN BE HAPPY FOR TOMORROW BECAUSE OF YESTERDAY

YOU CAN REMEMBER HER AND ONLY THAT SHE IS GONE
OR YOU CAN CHERISH HER MEMORY AND LET IT LIVE ON

YOU CAN CRY AND CLOSE YOUR MIND, BE EMPTY AND TURN YOUR BACK
OR YOU CAN DO WHAT SHE WOULD WANT: SMILE, OPEN YOUR EYES, LOVE AND GO ON.

Hi Capt
So sorry to hear of your loss.
I too lost someone very special not long ago. My Father died after a short battle with cancer. It was sudden and came as a great shock to all of our family.
My Father said to me on his death bed that I must not think of him as he was those last couple of months , in fact he refused anyone take any pictures of him in those last few months so that we all remembered him from the Photo's when he was healthy.

Life can be cruel sometimes but we always survive. She will be looking out for you from above as my Father does me and all my family.

I really don't know what to say except my thoughts are with you.

My deepest sympathies on your loss.

I wish I had words that would make your life lighter, your burden easier to bear, and you heart to stop hurting--but I don't. Only time and faith can help ease your pain.

Please know that you have a great group of people here, any of whom would be glad to lend an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. Please believe that I am sincere when I say that if you just want to tell me about your lovely wife, and your life with her--I will gladly listen.

The hardest part (you are so right!) is after. People expect things to be all better now, and carry on with their lives as if YOUR life hasn't got this gaping wound in it. They're thinking about what to make for dinner, and you are wondering if you'll ever want to eat her specialty dish ever again. You keep looking for her to tell her something funny, or sad, or something that makes you angry--and are surprised all over again when she's not there.

Please keep talking about her. Keep talking TO her if you'd like - my gramma STILL talks to my grampa, and he's been gone for 28 years now. It's like an inside joke between the two of them, and she says she KNOWS he's listening, even if she can't always hear his side of the conversation. Either way--she's there for as long as love for her exists, and it sounds like your love was the "forever" kind.

This sounds somewhat trite to me, as if I'm mouthing platitudes to you, and here I am, practically a stranger. Please take this in the spirit of friendship in which it's offered, and believe me when I say I wish I could do more to help you.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Captain - Just checking up on you, letting you know that I haven't gone anywhere. Just like Synnen said, we are strangers, I haven't run in to you allot on this site, but I do understand grief. I can't understand the kind of grief you are going through though, the loss of my husband is something I can't even imagine.

Synnen is right, the hardest part about grief is knowing that other people are going about their every day lives, making plans, eating dinner and all you can think is, STOP, how come the earth didn't stand still, don't you feel what's missing, because that's all I feel.

You are in my prayers, and my shoulder is there anytime you need it to have a good cry on. Really, don't be brave and try to deal with this by yourself, lean on all of us, that's why we are here. You say the word that you need us, we'll all be here as fast as we can. Try it, you won't be disappointed.

God bless you, you are in my prayers.

Oh, Rich, I am so sorry for your loss. I know it's hard on you. You are such a loving and devoted person. As I have told you many times before, your wife was one of the luckiest women in the world to have a husband as attentive as you.

You are in my thoughts and prayers Rich, you know where to find me should you need a shoulder to cry on.

Oh Capt
I am so sorry. Both you and your wife were so lucky to have each other for the time that you had together. Remember the good times and smile. Time won't heal the pain, but it will make it better. We are all here for you.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by CaptainRich

We had been married for twenty eight years.

That's far more than half my life. We were married at twenty-two, but the years prior don't count the same because I didn't begin to know or grow until I was almost twenty. Seems alotta people are the same way, but won't admit it....

Not too long ago, she was a part of my every day. Taking care of her, and her needs, gave me purpose.
Even when she wasn't really all there, I could hear her advise as if it were just spoken.
I'd best cling to that.

There was a service to celebrate her life. Family came from all corners of the US...
Pictures were summonsed from the dark corners of several closets, many of those pictures long forgotten...
She didn't like her picture taken, yet I still managed to find more of them than I remember.
Even still, albums are reappearing that have been long set aside for more important things.... the day-to-day hustle, and thing's that seem more pressing.... I'll get back to those albums... some day..........
Many of the decisions that would have been difficult then, are harder now. I don't have the same confident advisor...

I would like to turn back the hands of time, to the days when I took many of those pictures, and I'd like to think for all the one's I took, candidly, I also took the time to tell her in many different ways, just how much she meant to me, through the many years.
And I hope I took the time to tell her how much I love her....

Don't you miss your chance. Tomorrow doesn't always come.

---

Oh, Rich - I am so sorry and know how lost you are.

My husband died Christmas Day - it's 3 months next Tuesday. Words just can't express my anguish when I read your words. Everybody says it gets better... and I hope they are right.

I was also the caretaker; for the last month my husband was in and out - mostly out - of consciousness; finally they came to me and said he was brain dead and did I want to follow his instructions - ? I locked the two of us in his ICU cubicle and talked to him for about half an hour - remembering the good times, the funny times, telling him I would always miss him, I would always love him... but I would keep my promise. And I did. He could not turn around and come back to me so I helped him go forward. Every day I live with that decision.

I didn't mean to turn this into me and my suffering but I do understand and if I can offer any words of comfort or just listen to you, please contact me.

In the meantime I think you have to mourn when you need to; be alone when you need to; be with people when that helps - it's a day to day process.

Hang in there!

Judy

Hi captain Rich thank you for your comments... but no ones burden is any less than anothers they are equally heavy

I am a newbie to this so please forgive my not knowing the details I can see that you have many friends on this site that will support you including myself for as long as you need.
There are many things that I could say but now is not the time so I'll just say take good care of yourself and that there are many people that send their love to you and your family
Have a peaceful easter-time I will be thinking of you remembering you in my prayers
Xx

I'm very much sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you. :(

Those we love are always close to us even after they pass. And she is still with you.

Hi capt, I'm sorry for your loss and offer my condolences

Cap'n? I had no idea! I just stumbled across this and….wow! I'm speechless. I knew I lost a shipmate there for a while, but not this. Man, oh man.
I've seen my dad go through this twice in his lifetime and me losing two moms.
The pain, well we just won't go there. I just damn hurts!
You know I'm one of your peers, so pm me if you just want to bs.
I 'm still a lucky man. My 'anchor' is just in the other room. Yours just in spirit now, but there none the less.
Keep strong OK, brother? My deepest condolences go out to you and yours.