Partner for 7 years, fiancée for 8 months, cheated.
Partner is in the military and was asked to go to the USA to improve relations. During his time, I had insecurity issues. I kept telling him of my worries, he kept trying to reassure me.
My partner had been there for little over a week and he had started going to bars, chatting up girls, buying them drinks. My partner stayed there from January to March. During this time, he met girl A at a bar, bought her a few drinks, he continued to text girl A, took her out on a date. Text her saying, 'i'm here, with my hazards on'.
Hired a jeep on his last few days of his time in the US and took her to the park and kissed her goodbye. Continued to talk to her while he got back to the UK. Would tell her how beautiful she was but nothing sexual was written. However, partner would speak to her more than his fiancée, at some points I would be ignored and she would be spoken to by the minute.
Girl B, met her at work, a lawyer passing through at the time, happened to work at the same base (this was 10 days before he was due home) Girl B asked him out for a few drinks, partner didn't see this as a date, so didn't mention he was engaged. Girl B asked him to go back to her place, he did. Sat on sofa, she got ontop of him and started to kiss him, he carried on. She led him to the bedroom, he carried on. She sucked him off, he carried on. They had sex, he carried on.
Partner and Girl B carried on texting. Partner texted her first and they soon talked about coming together again to have sex. I counted 11 times, they had mentioned having sex (tying her down, trying anal, using syrup) and meeting up again. They met one more time to have pancakes together. Partner said he had no intention to go back and have sex again but didn't know why he text her first or why he continued it. He continued to talk to girl B more so than his fiancée and at times, ignoring me to speak to both girl A and B.
The night he did cheated, I had woken up from a nightmare of him cheating on me, I emailed him, he reassured me and went anyway. He said that it wasn't his intention and he deeply regrets it. Because my partner didn't have any other sexual partners except me, he did it. During his time in the US, he forgot what we had and what it was like to be in a relationship.
In total, I deleted 5 numbers and found sent emails on his laptop. All to people from craigslist ads. Asking for sex, pictures, bjs, 'not huge but average', 'ever done it with a english guy', how much playing would he have to do with the boyfriend in order to get to the girl. Partners answer, he wanted a thrill and would do this if he was pissed off and never did this while he was with me. He would add them on Skype and vice versa, although he swears he never spoke to them or video chatted them (this I have to take at face value as I cannot find evidence to suggest otherwise)
I text Girls A & B and explained the situation. Deleted and blocked their numbers off his phone but not before I send a copy of the messages to me, to prevent him from lying.
Prior to me finding out, my partner couldn't look at me because he didn't know if he wanted to get married (in general). I asked him if anything had happened while he was away and he lied to my face. It took me 3 and a half days to find the whole truth. Partner had tried really hard to forget everything because of how unforgivable he knows his actions are.
I didn't know he had cheated on me, until he had been home for 2 weeks. During this time we made our wedding rings and partner said he did this because he wanted to carry on with the wedding and thought his cold feet would pass. He had spoken to his dad on his return from the US and explained his problems but I still didn't know.
Basically, we were due to get married this year, August 20th and I am completely unsure what to do. I have marched him to a STD clinic to get us both tested (I am not running that risk). We have spoken about this at length, it turns out it is nothing to do with me and what I wasn't offering. It was more to do with him, the life he envisaged wasn't what he thought it was. He loves me and doesn't know why he did it. He said he had cold feet and felt like he couldn't talk to me. He said he felt as if his freedoms has gone, he chose to quite sky diving to save for the wedding, I always said he could continue to sky dive. He wasn't happy how we weren't doing as much at the weekends, but this was down to money. He also said he put unnecessary financial pressure on himself and in turn, felt he couldn't do anything. These problems had manifested so much, he started to blame me and then was unsure he wanted to marry me.
He always knew he couldn't date/have sex with other girls if he wanted to be with me.
I have said, if I have an STD because of him, I am through. If we are clear, I am willing to give it a go and try and patch it up. I have explained how crappy and hurt etc I feel and that my trust has been destroyed.
I have made him tell his best man and discuss what has happened, I had to tell his Dad and my parents. In turn, my parents told my grandparents because I couldn't say it (saying it meant it was real).
I just need advice and anyone who has gone through this and how they made it work and what happened. I do care deeply about him and believe we could make it work but I am struggling when everyone around me is telling me to bin him (completely understandable).
I also forgot to say, partner had no intention to cheat when he left the UK. He said he took an opportunity to meet new people. Unfortunately it turned out to go pear shape.
Thanks B91