Hello everyone. Im new to this service. I am a 32 year old female, who has been dating a 26 year old guy for about 2 months. I met him about a year ago, and up until 2 months ago, really only hung out with him with our other friends. We both knew there was something there, had not had the opportunity to act on those feeling until 2 months ago. He used to work with one of my best friends (Gay). The love interest and I have been hanging out, and have made out a few times since late Feb. The first time that he kissed me was on the street after coming back from a club. My gay friend happened to be down the street and saw us kissing. Since that evening my gay friend has been saying all these comments about me and my love interest. Insinuating we were totally inappropriate that night in the club. We weren't, we just danced all night long and kissed at the end of a fun night. I didn't know that was inappriopriate.

Now I find out that my gay friend and his partner were talking about my love interest saying that he is gay. I have confronted them about it, by asking what information they have to make this claim. The only thing they say is that he has gay mannerisms. ANd since I am not gay I do not notice them. They have never heard him talk about men, be with men, etc,etc... so why are they talking to other people saying that I am blind, and that my love interest is gay?? Now they are backtracking, and saying that nobody can know someone else's sexuality unless the two involved.

Please help, because I am very upset at my friends, and I do not know how to handle the situation.

Without more info, it sounds like your gay friend is attracted to your love interest and is jealous. If he's attracted to you, he's not gay. He MIGHT be bisexual, but he's not dating you if he's gay. Of course, "gay mannerisms" is a stereotype and may not mean anything. I mean, there are 'tomboy' girls but that doesn't mean they are gay.

YThank you. Es, I agree with my gay friend being attracted to my love interest. He is cute! However, my gay friend was telling me that maybe my love interest has not realized he is gay. That everyone in the office used to talk about him possibly being gay. I didn't hear about these discussions until after he saw us kiss.

Yet, this weekend, we all went out to celebrate my birthday. We were all trashed, and my gay friend was pulling out the futon so me and my love interest could crash on the futon. Why would he do that, if he is assuming that my guy is gay?I am not there yet with the guy, so I said I was going to drive home. The guy left with me, and then the gay friend started spreading rumors that me and my guy hooked up.

So do I confront my guy? What do I do to find out about my friend's gaydar?

These are friends? They don't sound like friends to me!

In my opinion, it would be a horrible insult to ask this man if he is gay. If he is, he would know it by the time he is 26! If he knows that you are straight, and is as nice a guy as you say, he wouldn't be leading you on. Ignore your gay friends and enjoy your relationship as it is.

The only other thing I can think of is to ask him if these people are pressuring him to stop seeing you by spreading stories or rumours about your sexuality. This can open up a discussion about your being straight, and believing that he is as well, but you know they are telling you things about his sexuality, so you want to make sure he knows that no matter what they say, you ARE straight and only date straight guys.

Good luck! (I would really spend some time thinking about whether these people really should continue to be called friends, too!)

Hugs, Didi

Ask him, it is very possible they are just jealous of you, and stared this terrible runnor but again he may be interested in men and women. Merely having

Thank you all!! Didi, there are people who do not come out of the closest until later on in life. Look at Senator McGrevey in NJ. I have not felt that he is gay. Neither have other girlfriends who have met him.

It is sooo hard now, because we all work in the same circle, and major presentations are coming up where we are all going to see each other. I didn't speak to anyone of the people involved cause I just needed to breathe.

Any other advice?

Girl, I agree with you that there are a lot of people who don't come out of the closet until later in life. However, I believe that is a different issue than someone KNOWING they are gay. You indicated that your gay friend told you that maybe your love interest has not realized he is gay. If someone is truly gay, then it is my contention that although they may hide it, they still know it, deep down inside.

I would pay no attention to the comments about him as far as work is concerned. It's nobody's business what you are doing. You are not handling it inappropriately at all. It sounds like all of the problems are being instigated by your gay friend. He may have an interest in this guy... OR he may just fear losing your friendship if the two of you hook up. You may need to ask your gay friend if he fears losing your friendship.

More than anything, you need to keep work and personal life separate and if anyone tries to mix them while you are together for those presentations remind them that what you do in your personal life does not belong in a discussion at work. I think if you remain low key with your friend who seems to be finding this whole thing so difficult that it will all blow over. I still question how good a friend this person is when they have attempted to take something away from you that makes you happy. If worse comes to worse then you will just have to tell your gay friend to remain a friend and stay out of your love life.

Good luck!

Hugs, Didi

Gay men can be more Catty and jealous then girls... he might want him and is a little jealous about you too.

Your new guy is not gay at all if he was he would not be with you.. You need to dump your gay friend who seems not to be a true friend

It does sound like your gay mate is not only jealous of you being with this guy but also that he fancies him himself.

This is a tuff 1 I find it hard 2 believe that your friend is just saying this as he talks to his partner about it if he fancies him he wouldn't do that. Talk to him let him know wats being said about him ifs its true you will no from the way he responds. He may be bi an that in its self is hard enough 2 deal wiv I wish you well. X

Who's to say that the other one is not really what he is either? I have to aggree with the Scampercat remark that the two of them might have some kind of catty fight and not so much be fighting over you but be having a cat-fight over each other; if one of them finds out that the other one is not or is. In other words, it would be like 3 of them actually clawing it out; so to speak . . . The two of them as one and then the other one. That would make 3. BTW, when you stated that you were blind; do you really mean "sightless?" . . . That, alone, would kind of monkey-wrench the whole "claw-party" . . .