Originally Posted by
lemon14
I'm not afraid of dying, but I'm terrified when thinking that one day my parents will die, my friends, my future husband etc. Even if I wasn't close to a person, but I knew him/her while they were alive, I'm still terrified. If I don't know the person I can see death as a normal part of life, but I cannot accept that somebody I love can die.
I haven't had these kind of thoughts for about 5 years, since I first experienced death in my family. I remember grandpa died and I even if I missed him for a while, I managed to go on, but my life has lost its sense. I mean, what kind of life is that to live without your dearest people? Now that I found out my father could die in a few years these fears came back and I cannot think of anything else, I lost all my hopes for future and I am even afraid of what lays there.
What I find the most difficult it to accept that a person could simply go dead, not moving, not talking, not hearing, nothing, just dead and never alive again. I find it such a cruel thing that can happen to a human and throwing him into a grave and covering him with soil. Really, I can't bear it. I also think that when I will start losing all my friends and dear people, I will probably be old and I will have nothing left to do with my life either, but wait to die, too. I'm really terrified of that bitterness. People are my life, my joy, my sorrow, my world, my all, I can't stand to lose them. I just wish we could all die at the same time, so I don't have much to suffer, but that's impossible, though.