Ok tonight I made an ex joke to my girl out of nowhere. So my girl's ex's name is "Eden". I made fun of it " Garden of Eden" if you're familiar of it it's in the Bible. The name is just too funny for a dude to not make fun of. Also, he was a douche for cheating on her with her bestfriend and choosing her bestfriend over her cause hes more into the bestfriend and i dont get the why he didnt date the bestfriend in the first place if he's more into the bestfriend. It irritates me to think about it, that he did hurt my girl that way, cause my girl admitted to me that she hurt her feelungs for that douche and cried while drinking vodka overnight i was there cause she was talking to me while she was drunk not personally but via text. But still, you can feel her pain that she was hurting cause she was saying that she really liked that douchebag and i don't understand why some women would date that kind of men, that is you know, heads. I don't know why they can't see through that some men are just full of and they deserve so much better than to be treated like crap. I really like this girl tho, we're not official or anything but she is very special to me and she said I am too for her. So ya, I joke about it sometimes but tonight she just got mad at me for it, calling me annoyingly immature because of it. Cause i was bringing up the past and making a joke out of it. I just don't understand cause I thought they weren't that serious cause she told me so, that they just dated for a couple of months so they weren't official or serious at all. But I don't get why she was suddenly mad at me about it, about a stupid ex joke. So I said:


Me: "I'd rather go in a garden this valentines day"
Her: "Ohhhh garden agaiiiiiiiiiiiiin, idk if ur obsessed wth garden or what"
Me: "Ya I am, garden of weed, is that bad?"
Her: "Oh im obsessed with u tho, is that bad?"
Me: "Like when u were obsessed with a garden bfore? Orrr?"
Her: "im never obsessed wt a garden, why are u making up stories?"
Me: "oh really, I thought a garden hurt ur feelungs once, ahhh 8("
Her: "ok i dont want to talk to u anymore, ur annoying pfft"
Me: " ok my bad, told u i was annoying"
Her: " you are and sometimes u dont know what ur saying anymore, cause its not funny"


And so on, ofcourse i wanted to explain my side so i kept replying to her arguments or what she says and she got mad about it like she told me: " i don't want to talk to you today."
So i don't know what should I do? Why is she acting like that? Why does it sound like she is hurting still? Cause I thought exes or past arent suppose to bother u anymore unless there is still something there. And yes, I did apologize right after she got mad. Help.

For one by what you have written, she isn't your girlfriend, and secondly your whole idea that she has gotten over this ex is WRONG whether you understand it or not. Since you yourself have no sensitivity or understanding of her feelings you better back off and stop being so annoying just to make your point. She obviously doesn't want to hear it, and you can't make her.

How old are you both? How long have you known this female, and how long had she been broken up with this ex?

Yeah I know, that's why girl space friend heheh. Oh I am sensitive too I just didn't think it would be that of a big deal since she said it wasn't that "serious" between them. And I feel awful for it now , I feel like I hurt her feelings but I really didn't think it would go that way I just want her to feel like it's OK to laugh about it now that it was just a stupid mistake she made. But eh, they broke up around October last year ig few days after her birthday. Im 20, she's 19 and I've known her since November last year

From your post, and this is going to be harsh...

You are in insensitive jerk. You need to get over yourself and learn some empathy.

Maybe I deserve that, thanks.

I'll add to J9 post, you seem incredibly childish as well. When Tal asked you how old you were, I was guessing middle school.

"Why is she acting like that?" - Many times we can find out why people react a certain way based on our own behavior. If you put crap in to something, you will generally always get crap out of something.

The girl was hurt, you knew it yet you made several jokes about it. What did you expect? What you did was immature and mean. Grow up.

@Oliver Ahh, yeah oh how I wish I could go back being a kid lesser problems.

@Homegirl oh ya i wish i could undo it. Didn't think it would be that big of a deal. But yeah danke

It isn't just about the ex. It is also about the betrayal of a best friend.

Think about this: You are discussing Valentine's Day plans which should be about the two of you and you bring up painful memories of her ex. Not smart or funny.

It seems to me that you made some assumptions that were based on information that wasn't as accurate as you thought it was and paid more attention to what you thought she was saying than actually listening to her.

Life lesson: People often downplay how much something hurts them especially if it is emotional and shows a lack a good judgement. She trusted two people who let her down. That pain doesn't go away in a month or two no matter how the person wants it to disappear. If she still sees the people due to school or work and/or mutual friends, the pain is even harder to let go.

Another life lesson: If the person you are talking to is drunk, think twice (or five times) before making questionable jokes. People who are drunk are not in the best frame of mind. Bad jokes and alcohol have killed a lot of friendships.

Have you talked to her since the blow-up? One more apology when no one is drinking and then let it go. Either she will accept and the friendship will continue or you both walk away and hopefully she gives herself time to heal from the past.

To me, this entire bit sounds like you just want to brag to total strangers about how clever you are.
Giving us the script of a conversation is immature. One sentence sums it up: You joked about pot and her 'garden' and her ex and don't know why she got mad.
You give no clues about how far the relationship has progressed, how much you want her in your life, what the future might hold... all the steps of being an adult and more mature.
You certainly don't have to get serious just because you are 20. You eventually should let women know what you like about them and what you hope for the future, even if it's just yours. Career, where to live, what to save money for, do you want to have fun or have kids, or start a business, or just goof off for 10 more years?
You were texting about it right before Valentine's Day, with no genuine suggestions for a special day with her.
Go to her with flowers and ask if you can take her out to dinner. If you can't afford it, say so, and go to a museum or ice cream shop or park.

@cat1864 yeah we're talking until yesterday when she said: "I don't want to talk to you today". Yeah I didn't really realize that part and now I'm doomed as cause I actually like that girl a lot. Hopefully everything will work out right between us. Thank you!

@joypuly no I didn't want to brag anything, I just wanted an advice from total strangers cause I don't know what I did and why I did it and I totally regret it now. I was being a douche I know that now wish I realized that sooner before I cracked that stupid joke. I wish I could do that but I'm in Germany and she's in L.A. I just felt bad about what I did and hopefully I'll make it all right. Thanks!

You do not talk about ex's or joke about ex's to a current girl friend, or one you hope will be, or want to be. Or one that maybe thinks she is.

You treat them like they are the only one, ever,

@fr_chuck thanks

Going to be harsh. You asked why girls date insensitive jerks. Time to look up the word insensitive. You were completely insensitive to her. If you don't like that kind of guy, stop being one!

She dated him, so even if it wasn't "serious", she liked him enough to date him, and even though she may be over him that doesn't mean that she has to be told what an idiot she was for dating him to begin with, and that's what you did.

If you like this girl, and you want to be a good guy, not like the guy she dated before that you're joking about, well, so far you seem like a bigger jerk than he was.

How would you want to be treated? Would you like it if she made you feel like crap because of your ex girlfriends?

Bottom line, when it comes to dating you never discuss past lovers, past relationships, exes, not ever! And when you make fun of an ex, you're making fun of the girl or guy you're dating. If you make comments about what an idiot that person is, you're calling your partner an idiot too, because she dated him, and making fun of him is making fun of her, because now she's thinking that you think she's also an idiot because she dated him! Do you get it?

Stop being an insensitive jerk. You said you hate that, so don't be that!

@Alty I didn't really thought it would go that way, I just thought that stupid joke was funny to say cause it was really funny for me. I have an annoyingly weird sense of humour as u can tell from that stupid joke. Yeah, you're right. That's the part that I missed to realize and wish I have realized that sooner before I even cracked that joke. I didn't know it would be that big of a deal and it would harm her that way. I don't really mind talking about exes cause it's just stupid mistakes that I made in the past and I wanted her to know that it's OK to laugh about it rather than be sad about it. I had no idea it would mean that way really I just thought that stupid joke was really funny. Hopefully everything will go right soon. But yeah, thanks

Maybe you can blow off being betrayed by a partner AND best friend, but to expect her too is just clueless! Sorry my friend but you being special seems to be as a friend to help her through a very bad experience, which you failed miserably! You want things to get better you have to regain her trust and that may mean dropping your own selfish romantic intentions.

I doubt you know how to do that.

@talaniman It's stupid of me to think that it's the same for everyone. I've already apologized that's all I can do ig. I really don't want to have a romantic thing between her and me it's just that she's just really special to me and I don't want to hurt her that way cause I always end up hurting everyone close to me. I know how to do that of course it's just that she's just very special to me but yeah thanks again

Leave her alone then until she gets over it and wants you back in her life as a special friend or otherwise. She needs time and space so give it to her, and learn the lesson of this experience.

@talaniman it's okay now. Thanks for the advice made me realize that it was really a bad thing to do hopefully I will avoid saying things like that in the future. Have a great day

GreatGreat. Just curious about how YOU intend to move forward is all.