I broke up w/her. Mistake! She won't take me back
[please dont flame me for retitleing my post- its more appropriate, message flows better and im in dire need of more coucil]
We were together for 1.5ys. We were very happy and she was CRAZY about me. I broke up with her 3 months ago because I needed some space. I needed my independence. Especially before getting married to this girl. But I just told her that I wanted to break up. She was devastated and cried and cried to me. I was certain with my position. We continued to speak for 1 month afterwhich she started to disappear. That's when I wanted her back. I suddenly realized how much I loved this girl and what I had in front of me. She started getting VERY cold and then I found out she met someone. They were already "hanging out" after only 1 month or so... he was "really nice to her" and showed chivalry and suddenly I was "really bad to her" and all our memories were replaced with negative times. But she said that I was reading into things and she was "only hanging out" with him. She told me "she just needed time" and that "when she was ready, I wasnt and now that im ready, she isnt." this was immediately followed by several weeks of my groveling to her, over the phone, crying, pleading with her to come back. To no resolve... she became even colder and spiteful, it would seem. I felt she had a vengeance. She would occasionally send a text or instant message but nothing special.
I asked her to just to say "I dont ever want to talk to you again" or "i dont want to ever be with you" (so I could get some closure) but she wouldn't! She would just say "i dont know" or "i dont know what to say"
This continues till this day. It is now month 3 and she is staying with her new friend. She really doesn't call me anymore. She wrote me an email recently, after I told her I had to move on also and that I was going to date someone. She was jealous, asked questions, then cried. She emailed me that night
""""I called your phone a few hours ago and it had nothing to do with you being with another girl. I knew you weren't going to answer your phone, but that was the last time you are going to see my cell number pop up on your cell. I really wish you answered, but I'm sure you got the crazy voice mail from Optomus Prime. I wanted to end off on a funny note.
I have to be completely honest with you; I can't be your friend...at least not right now. I'm not ready for that. I'm glad you are going out with girls and dating, but I really don't want to hear about it. You were the one I wanted to marry and have babies with (you have been the only one that I have felt that way about...EVER!) I really don't want to hear about how you are moving on, hents why I don't like to tell you whats going on in my life. Its not easy to hear therefore I don't want to share it with you. (I never wanted to say anything that would make you sad or cry) I have to admit you made me cry today at work. I had to leave my desk and one of the attorneys followed me outside and asked if I was alright. That's great you are dating a few girls, but you know that I fell hard for you and then you were gone and I was dealing with it alone. I'm in no way asking you to wait for me, I would never ask that of you, but please don't think I am jaded or an unforgiving person. You know I tried very hard to keep US together. The relationship I am in right now made me realize I shouldn't have to work to make the relationship work...and it really makes me sad about you and me. But then again the hard work was worth the year we were together. You know you had my heart and yes you will always have a piece of it. It has been bruised and scared, but I am now looking at them as a learning experience.
I hope nothing but the best for you in life and your career...I have always felt that way. You know I have love for you and that will not change, but I'm not in the situation to be in love with you. I hope this does not upset you in any way...""""
She says:
Her: (11:52:03 AM): When you broke up with me you forced me to get over you. And you can't say you weren't breaking up with me and only taking a break. I cried and cried on the phone with you. If you really felt that you weren't breaking up with me you would have fixed things then
Her: (11:52:44 AM): so by you breaking up with me, you forced me to move on
Her: (11:52:59 AM): even though you had other plans in your head, I had to move on
Her: (11:55:45 AM): and now you make me feel guilty
Is there any hope after acting so needy? Our last conversation was on the cheerier side (we shared some laughs) but I did ask her a bunch of needy questions. I have since gone NC:
Me (11:23:46 AM): (assuming you wernt with your guy) do you still wish we worked out?
Her (11:24:32 AM): yes
Her (11:24:37 AM): but it didn't work out that way
Me (11:24:28 AM): (assuming you wernt with your guy) would you have come back too me if you hadent met him?
Her (11:25:22 AM): yes
Her (11:25:25 AM): probably
Me (11:26:10 AM): do you find yourself stuck between a rock and a hard place?
Her (11:26:42 AM): no
Me(11:23:46 AM): (assuming you wernt with your guy) do you still wish we worked out?
Her(11:24:32 AM): yes
Me(11:28:26 AM): (assuming you wernt with your guy) would you ever still be interested in coming back?
Her(11:29:59 AM): yes, but I don't know if that would happen
Her(11:30:06 AM): me not being with him
Her(11:30:13 AM): and Im not asking you to wait
Me(1:33:50 PM): (assuming you wernt with your guy) do you still miss us
Her(1:36:12 PM): Im not going to lie to you
Her(1:36:15 PM): yes I miss you
Her(1:36:25 PM): but I am really happy with where I am at
Me(1:36:47 PM): (assuming you wernt with your guy) would you want to reconcile us?
Her(1:37:24 PM): I would, but I cant
Me: (assuming you wernt with your guy) would you come back to me?
Her:I already answered that
Her: you know I would
THIS WAS OUR LAST CONVERSATION
I don't know if this is BS or what she's doing... stringing me along? Giving me false hope?
She would come back if she wasn't committed?
Im so confused and depressed over this. I just don't know what to think! Ive never been such a baby with my emotions over this but she has my heart and I want her back!
So I know she wanted time early on and I didn't really give it to her. Is the recent NC going to change anything?
It's been 8 days NC... and I'm going crazy. Please help me get her back. Does NC really make her miss me more or just separate us further?? :confused: its so hard to breath