Hi,

I am married with 3 children. Marisa (10), Gina (8) and Nicholas (6). We usually call him Nick. I'm close with my extended family and my question has to do with dealing with my cousin Paul (47) and his son Cory (13). Paul is married for the 2nd time and also has a daughter, but she is away at college. It seems whenever there's a get together, Cory will either lead them into mud and muck or plays too rough. He will pull them, shove them and is usually very physical. His dad, Paul is usually oblivious to what is going on. If we bring his attention to it, he has put the blame on my son (the youngest) when clearly you would think the oldest is supposed to be in charge. Thankfully Cory's stepmom will chime in and try to keep him in line but it is shortlived. And I've told Cory to keep his hands to himself but he doesn't listen. My husband has 4 nephews the youngest is now 16, but they have always been very kind and considerate to my children. I feel this will manifest and I will blow up at the next gathering. Please tell me how I can be diplomat with my cousin Paul without pushing him away.

Thank you.

Men have a tendency to view rough-housing as child's play, something expected between two young adolescent males; however, if you feel that this is beyond the norm, do not fear the position that you have taken. Advise your cousin of your concerns before you blow your lid off. If it seems suitable, invite your cousin over, encourage your husband to have a man-to-man with him advising him on the serious nature of your concern. However, the best thing to do, since your cousin refuses to chastise his son, caution his son against rough-housing... keep a close eye on your son to ensure his safety, when things seem to rough... call him to yourself.

Talking to paul will not be a good idea, for sure he knows what attitude his son has but donno how to handle him... most fathers and mothers are like that... just trying to ignore their sons' attitude and stuffs...

But anyway, it'll be best for you to tell your kids to STAY away from their because (cousin), it's for their protection. WHY? Because YOU can tell your kids what to do and NOT other parents to tell what to do with their kids right? (they might tell you to mind your own Biz)... tell your kids to stay together so that others will have tough time bullying them.. (was the term right)

From where I come from... we have grand parents, god parents, 3rd degree cousins... 4th degree and so on... that's why your problem is not an alien thing...

I hope that'll will help

I think you have found the answer " preety in pink " is right

I have to tell you, I have three boys and they are rough players, DAD's do think it is cool and sometimes they don't know when to stop. I do believe in teaching manners in a social setting and I think you have every right to say what you want to so your kids are protected, if you said it to me and definitely were serious, I would get your point and take matters in my own hands. Some people need to be told more than once to be respectful. ON THE OTHER HAND, you could just teach your children what to do in this instance and it might make it easier to deal with. Like if Cory wants to play in the dirt, tell your kids not to and if he is being too rough then give your children some self defense moves and tell them they have permission to use them if nothing else works. Hey that is what we as parents are for, to teach our kids how to get out of "sticky' situations right?

My husband is the youngest of 8 children. He use to take a LOT of "bullying" from his older brothers and sisters. One day his dad told them all, that "one day, he's going to cut loose on you, and you're going to pay for all the bullying you've done to him". Well, guess what.. He cut loose, and every one of them one time or another got their "just deserve". One day your son will just up and "cut loose" on that older boy, and he'll leave him alone then. But in the mean time, I agree with startover22, teach your child/children some self-defense moves. :)