My wife and I have been (what seemed) to be happily married for 10 years,we have 2 children,back in Feb she was indicating something was wrong and wanted to see a therapist,so it was arranged not immediately but shortly after,she has been the MOST trusting person I have honestly ever met,so the alarms went off and started doing my part of helping her figure things out so every time I would ask what's wrong she would say she couldn't put her finger on it,after much frustration of feeling not wanted I found out she has been with someone else for approximately a month she said and has strong feelings for him,(I have never felt so emotionally upset in my entire life,it killed me)we came to an understanding that she seemed to be taken for granit in our relationship,I disagree,so we are seeing therapists and I am having an awful time dealing with the affair,because she seems to still have feelings for him and won't even tell me who it is,she says she has called off that relationship in order to try ours again,but it seems that all closeness is gone on her side and she says she wants to fall in love with me again,its very cold until I engage in a hug or kiss sex is out of the question right now for it is fairly fresh,I don't know how to act or if we should separate,I have so many questions that I am driving myself crazy,any suggestions would be mucly appreciated

You are seeing a therapist.
That is good.

Of course everything is cold and disturbed at the moment.
Your trust has been violated.
Trust is what we give away to those who love us and when it gets violated we are hurt, upset, angry, feel rejected.

Work on it and take the time to work on it.
You see a therapist.

"let the dust settle" and take one day at the time.

Don't drive yourself crazy, it's hard enough.

Just one day at the time.

Your wife needs to prove that you can trust her again and that in itself is quite an issue.

Be prepared: this takes time, but at least you are seeing the therapist now.

Good luck and I hope you will find each other back.

Marriage is a commitment and it's for better AND for worse.
Well, you have this the latter part of the vowe..
Fight for your marriage.
10 years is a long time with lots of memories, good and not so good.. it's life.

Don't give up.


Good luck !

I am sorry for what you have gone through. The best thing is to reconcile and see whether you two can still stay together, albeit what had happened.

Be reminded that for sometime the whole thing will remain a thorn in the flesh and it
Would make you feel unhappy. Hope you can take it if a reconciliation is the choice.

It is becoming a frequent event nowadays for extra-marital affairs due to variuos reasons.
Human beings now are becoming impatient and treat the relation as if a one-night stand.
Despite of the threat of AIDS and guilty feelings, I don't see why people still wish to
Risk their marriages for short-term pleasure. For what reasons, I hope someone can
Enlighten me.

You have my blessings, my friend. But be strong in grief. Besides this there are much
More choices you can make. Don't force yourself to accept what you find hard to take.
Or you will feel unhappy hereinafter. Let bygone be bygone. Let go of the past and
To start anew.

Initially I thoughtg that it was unfair for her not to tell you who this person is, but thinking clearly she may have a good reason not to. The positive in this is that she wants you. If not she would not have told you about the situation, or tried to get help. I just feel that it is fair for you to know all the details before you make a decision about how you would like to proceed in this situation. There is a lot for you to decide upon although she don't want to tell you who she should give you the details.

It is better for the person involved (the husband) not to ask so much questions, in my opinion.

Basically, doing so is rubbing salt to the wound. The most important thing now is for
Both parties to re-consider whether a reconciliation is possible or not.

If all parties agree to reconcile, why not let the history rests in peace? (I am quite sure
No husband would like to know the details of his wife's extra-marital affairs; not to mention
The person involved. What for? If the wife is willing to reconcile, she should have realized what had been done is incorrect. So, why make both parties so akward! No husband would enjoy hearing the story, especially about the secret lover of his wife. I am sorry I have to point out bluntly.)

So, I beg you to understand the feelings of the parties involved. Your advice, in my
Opinion, is inappropriate in thiis case. Forgive me for my remarks. Will you? Sorry.

Have a good day.

This is sadoneone I did not mention how I found out,it was some email crap very hurtful to see and 2 months later is still hurting me,since I wrote this,I have found out who it is (a colleque) of her companys haven't approached him yet,my wife and I are in counseling still no love making ,it seems she has gone from loving this other guy to just feelings,its still love as faqr as I am concerned... we are trying to work through this,but am still considering kicking her out because of the betrale,she dosnet deserve being in our home,what should I do??

Sadoneone,
I am going through the same situation right now with my wife. Married for 4 year and 2 children. My wife has become a party animal going out virtually every night (outside of the 2 nights I work a 2nd job). My wife finally told me on MOnday that she has been having An affair for the last 3 months, despite me constantly asking her if there is someone else for the last month+. I finally found a text message on her phone at 3:30am "want to sex me" followed by a text message an hour later to me saying that she is at her sisters too drunk to drive home.
I wish I could offer advice by I am going through the same thing as I type, chain smoking wondering what this other guy may be doing to my wife right now. I can tell you, do not approach the other person... it is not worth your time, energy, or possible reaction to get yourself in trouble. And I feel the same way, because if she cannot commit to the family, NOT JUST THE KIDS, than she doesn't deserve to be in the house. Other than to say that you are not alone, I wish you the best.

I think that you should not make hasty decisions based on your emotions, take time to think clearly and to get over your pain, don't let your heartache gain control over you and when you are ready decide if you are still willing to work on your marriage ;)

You been hit below the belt with a powerful punch, and I understand your pain, but as you go through this counseling, please don't make any rash decisions, until you have better control of your rage. If you need time away don't hesitate to take it.

Some people are heartless, tragic fools. It seems your wife and a few other women on here that you have mentioned, fall into that same category. Your partners have gone on to find fulfillment and satisfaction from others. They have no awareness or concern for your pain. This is because they are self indulged and only focused on their own needs. Many people do not realize the harm they cause in behaving in such a destructive manner. They don't see the consequences that will come from these actions. You cannot control or change them, but you can control or change the way you respond to them. Do not allow yourself to be abused. Do not allow them to railroad you into thinking you have to put up with their behavior. Seeing a therapist will help you and may make you set some goals for you to manage this and get through. However, it will not stop these women from cheating and ruining their lives. They are not thinking about their kids, they are thinking about what feels good in the moment. Stay strong and focused. If you set the standard for them and stick to it, they will realize they can't continue on this way. Maybe a temporary separation will wake her up. Maybe it won't. You don't deserve to be lied to, cheated on, or treated so disrespectfully. I hope you keep your head up and know you are not in the wrong. YOu instinctively knew something was wrong before she even told you. Continue to listen to your intuition and to work on yourself. YOu may not work it out, but you will have to find a way to deal with her because she is the mother of your children. I am so sorry for the pain she has caused, as well as all the other women who have hurt you guys. Not all women are so selfish.

Sorry for these questions; "you found out", HOW? If she told you, what was her frame of mind? Any chance the mystery guy had threatened your wife with disclosure? Could this be related to her work environment? Try to locate and save all reciepts relating to cell phone, department stores, food, etc. You can request copies of phone records from your carrier. Look for a pattern. A large purchase of clothing. Does she keep a calendar? Find it. Does she have her own car? Check mileage each day. This will be behind you some day but for now you need answers before you will be able to understand what your feeling and remember this, all of this is in her past and for you it's in the present so be careful and yes let the dust settle but be sure your able to stand above it.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sadoneone

This is sadoneone I did not mention how I found out,it was some email crap very hurtful to see and 2 months later is still hurting me,since I wrote this,I have found out who it is (a colleque) of her companys havent approached him yet,my wife and I are in councelling still no love making ,it seems she has gone from loving this other guy to just feelings,its still love as faqr as I am concerned....we are trying to work through this,but am still considering kicking her out because of the betrale,she dosnet deserve being in our home,what should I do???

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Wow! I really feel for you. Your story parallels my own in so many ways. I think if my wife could afford to care for herself, she might have been gone on her own. It bugs me not knowing the answer to this question because I still feel like I'm being used.

I will follow your story closely to see how things turn out. I wish you the best whatever you decide to do. You did not set things in motion, you're just trying to restore harmony in your life. And, if that means starting over and looking at this entire ordeal as a learning point or letting go of what you perceived was a good thing, I hope it all works in the end.

This not a blog, but for better feed back my friend, please delete your post, and reword it, and start your own thread, if you need help private messege me.

Before blamming any wife, tell me if husband was not satisfing her wants, husband not giving his personal time,like take her to dinner, movies, or any special things? If husband does all this no wife think of any other person. No affairs will be aro

Und the world!