Her mother has no rules and believes she has done nothing wrong.
We are trying to instill morals and values. Yet, she wants to be like her mother and provoke men and dress inappropriate. What should we do?

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Originally Posted by sandyxray

Her mother has no rules and believes she has done nothing wrong.
We are trying to instill morals and values. Yet, she wants to be like her mother and provoke men and dress inappropriate. What should we do?

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Well have you talked to your wife? It's a little hard, she's 16 she kind of has her own mind molded by now. What you can do is provide her with proper birth control because you DON'T want to end up with a baby in your house! You may disagree but if she IS having sex, and she will, with or without your knowledge so I truly believe a trip to the clinic would be a positive thing. Also bring to her attention about STD's, Herpes, HIV/AIDS and how boys are with girls and what she would do if she gets any of them or pregnant.

As for her clothing style, personally, it IS the parents fault. WHERE does she find the money to buy these clothes? Most likely mom buys her them.

Like I said, talk to your wife FIRST, it's a little different because she IS your stepdaughter. If you are close to her biological father speak to him as well, that's only assuming you guys are pals-- if not just talk to mom about it.

If it were me, I'd talk to the mom and then I'd go to her room and get rid of all those slutty clothes and tell her she's going shopping for nice decent clothing. But that's just me.

If she is 16 years old, it may be a little late, not to mention difficult, if not impossible, to instill your morals and values, particularly if you view the way she dresses, as a way to 'provoke men'.

Most 16 year olds all dress the same, similar styles, from hair to makeup. I doubt she stands out in a crowd as a kid trying to 'provoke men'.

You may also see her being sexually active as being immoral, and lacking in morals, but the truth is, 16 year olds have sex, and consequently can get themselves into a lot of trouble. You cannot stop her, but you can help protect her, which is likely a far better alternative.

You presume that she 'wants to be like her mother', and I get the impression that she too lacks in the morals and values area, and dresses to attrack or 'provoke' men as you said. She may be her mother's daughter, but she is her own person. Try not to blur her identity with that of her mother.

If you presume that she is just like 'her', you have already lost the battle to communicate honestly with her. What she says, what she does, how she dresses, will only add to your theory that she is essentially bad news. You cannot 'save' her, but you can learn how to communicate your fears to her.

Try to see her as a person in her own right, even though she is 16. You might be surprised at what really makes this kid tick. What her future holds, and her hopes and dreams, has nothing to do with the way she dresses. You may be creating more of a problem because of your judgments on her.

Try to understand that 16 year olds don't come with off switches. You have to find a way in the backdoor, to plant the seed that you love her, but you have reasonable expectations too.

All actions come with consequences, good or bad. If she feels that she cannot talk to you, or that you won't listen, she will stop trying, and you face the consequence of her rebelling even further.

Counselling might be a good idea to let everybody talk. It's worth a try if it can get everybody on the same page, even if you agree to disagree on some points.