I thought that the top table at a wedding is for the wedding party only, but the best man's wife is insisting that she should be on the top table too, seated alongside the best man. (She has no part in the ceremony.) Is she right? What's the normal etiquette for this?

Normally no she is not part of the wedding party but again, this is the couples wedding and they can seat people any place they want to

Please seat her with some people that she knows so she can enjoy the dinner. After the dinner, toasting, and bridal party dance, the best man can join his wife at her table. Even though she is not "part of the wedding," she should be treated like a good friend.

I think it sort of depends on who the other guests are. If she'll know other people, I don't see the huge deal. I'm going to be the "wife of the best man" at a wedding soon where I only know the bride, groom, my husband and another groomsman. They are all going to be at the top table and I don't know a single other person! AWKWARD!

I've been to dozens of weddings and the bridal party was seated with their dates at only one. At that wedding, the couple sat at a "sweetheart table" and the bridal party had two tables among the rest of the guests, where they were seated with their dates or spouses. The children in the bridal party were seated with their parents. It was a very nice arrangement, but certainly not common in my experience.

I agree with the others - seating a wife or girlfriend of the best man at the head table is unusual. It is annoying that this woman is being "insistent" about where she sits - her role is to be a gracious guest and accommodate the wishes of the people who have invited her to attend. I suggest she be seated at a table with people she may have something in common with - perhaps of similar age, or from the same town. It may also be good if she can attend a bridal shower or bachellorette party ahead of the wedding, so she would have a chance to meet some of the family or friends of the bride and groom. And if there is a rehearsal dinner the day before, it's another opportunity for her to meet people.

Many years ago (in the late 1980s), my husband (now ex-) was the best man at his best friend's wedding. I had already become friends of both the groom and the bride. However, at the wedding, my husband was expected not only to escort the maid of honor, but to sit at a "head table," and to dance with the maid of honor. I felt totally excluded. I was seated at a table (not particularly close to the head table) with my mother-in-law and some of the brides gay male friends. As dramatic as this may sound, this was one of the WORST social experiences of my life. The majority of the other bridesmaids and groomsmen were not married. Aside from being a guest at the "rehearsal" dinner, I was completely ignored. It is inappropriate to ignore the best man's wife, and to expect that the best man will be the single maid of honor's escort, especially when the wife is well-known to the bride and groom. Weddings are a time when couples also take pleasure in being with their spouses.

I can see that was a bad experience, DrAnneK and it can be awkward but I think that's because people forget to be good hosts. The norm, including at my own wedding, is that the bridal party only sit at the head table - the best man beside the bride, the maid of honor beside the groom - they have one obligatory dance, then the bridal party spends the evening with their dates. However, being the "plus one" of a member of a bridal party when you don't know the other guests can be very awkward, particularly given that you have to sit alone at the ceremony, are stuck alone through cocktails while photos are taken without you and so on.

The hosts - the bride, groom and their families - have an obligation to introduce you to other people, and be careful about the seating to make sure that you are comfortable. It would make more sense for you to be seated with the other dates and spouses of the bridal party - nothing brings people together like being in the same boat! You should also be included with the group during pictures - maybe not IN the bridal party pictures, but at least to hang out with them during that time rather than being banished with your white wine spritzer to stand around awkwardly with a bunch of strangers.

Excellent idea.