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-   -   Maid of Honor - What to do (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=699430)

  • Sep 4, 2012, 01:28 PM
    Rockstar714
    Maid of Honor - What to do
    I'm a maid of honor (MOH) in my best friend's wedding. She was engaged February 2011, and her wedding is October 2012.

    Everything leading up to this point is about her, and I understand that and I oblige to some extent. She was worried I was going to get my dress in time, I got one and she's been OK. Until the last couple weeks.

    I've been planning her Bridal Shower, and I'm paying for the whole thing and the bachelorette party myself because the other bridesmaids don't want to, and her parents are paying for her entire wedding.

    Almost 2 weeks ago she invited me over to her house with one of the other bridesmaids. I said maybe, and then 4 days later she said "see you at 6" and I said "I completely forgot, I'm really sorry, can we hang out later this weekend?" and she got all mad and said "i'm leaving for my cruise on Sunday and won't be back til the following Sunday, so no." and before she left I sent her a text saying "have a fun safe trip."

    Yesterday, Labor Day Holiday, I texted her asking how her trip was. She said good but she got sick, I showed concern and then she said "yeah, well, my phone is dying, so later."

    So here are my questions:
    1. Should I ask her if I did something wrong? I don't think I did, but the world revolves around her (just ask her) so I'm sure I did.

    2. If this continues, would it be out of line to step out of the wedding?

    3. Any additional advice?

    Thanks in advance!
  • Sep 4, 2012, 01:40 PM
    JudyKayTee
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Rockstar714 View Post
    I'm a maid of honor (MOH) in my best friend's wedding. She was engaged February 2011, and her wedding is October 2012.

    Everything leading up to this point is about her, and I understand that and I oblige to some extent. She was worried I was going to get my dress in time, I got one and she's been ok. until the last couple weeks.

    I've been planning her Bridal Shower, and I'm paying for the whole thing and the bachelorette party myself because the other bridesmaids don't want to, and her parents are paying for her entire wedding.

    Almost 2 weeks ago she invited me over to her house with one of the other bridesmaids. I said maybe, and then 4 days later she said "see you at 6" and I said "I completely forgot, I'm really sorry, can we hang out later this weekend?" and she got all mad and said "i'm leaving for my cruise on Sunday and won't be back til the following Sunday, so no." and before she left I sent her a text saying "have a fun safe trip."

    Yesterday, Labor Day Holiday, I texted her asking how her trip was. She said good but she got sick, I showed concern and then she said "yeah, well, my phone is dying, so later."

    So here are my questions:
    1. Should I ask her if I did something wrong? I don't think I did, but the world revolves around her (just ask her) so I'm sure I did.

    2. If this continues, would it be out of line to step out of the wedding?

    3. Any additional advice?

    Thanks in advance!


    Is this a big enough incident to lose your best friend?

    That's the bottom line.
  • Sep 4, 2012, 02:00 PM
    Rockstar714
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
    Is this a big enough incident to lose your best friend?

    That's the bottom line.
    In a way it kind of is. The way she treats me has been getting increasingly worse since even before she got engaged. She's the jealous type, so everything I get, she has to have something better. I got a car, she got a special edition car. I got an apartment, she got an apartment with a pool.

    We went to Vegas and I paid for everything while we were there (food, drinks, etc). She kept meeting boys and locking me out of the room (you know why... ).

    When I was looking for THE PERFECT bridesmaids dress for her wedding, she kept sending me all these plus size would-look-absolutely-horrible-on-me that were also out of my budget. When I told her that I do in fact fit into regular clothes, she got kind of upset and wouldn't talk to me for awhile.

    So yes, it just might be. I've known her for 20 years.
  • Sep 4, 2012, 02:06 PM
    Wondergirl
    I wouldn't be calling her my best friend after that kind of treatment.

    Isn't it getting too close to the wedding to renege? Or can you still set some limits and boundaries?
  • Sep 4, 2012, 02:18 PM
    Rockstar714
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    I wouldn't be calling her my best friend after that kind of treatment.

    Isn't it getting too close to the wedding to renege? Or can you still set some limits and boundaries?
    I have no idea. I'm waiting for the wedding to be called off. She hasn't worked in 3 years, took control of her fiancee's finances, his mother practically moved in with them recently, and she's not the easiest person to spend time with...
  • Sep 4, 2012, 02:25 PM
    JudyKayTee
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Rockstar714 View Post
    In a way it kind of is. The way she treats me has been getting increasingly worse since even before she got engaged. She's the jealous type, so everything I get, she has to have something better. I got a car, she got a special edition car. I got an apartment, she got an apartment with a pool.

    We went to Vegas and I paid for everything while we were there (food, drinks, etc). She kept meeting boys and locking me out of the room (you know why...).

    When I was looking for THE PERFECT bridesmaids dress for her wedding, she kept sending me all these plus size would-look-absolutely-horrible-on-me that were also out of my budget. When I told her that I do in fact fit into regular clothes, she got kind of upset and wouldn't talk to me for awhile.

    So yes, it just might be. I've known her for 20 years.


    And she's your best friend? With her as a friend you don't need enemies.
  • Sep 17, 2012, 11:04 AM
    dontknownuthin
    I would tell her, "from the way you are speaking to and treating me, I am of the impression that you don't like or respect me so I'm having a hard time knowing why I am your maid of honor". See what she says. If she apologizes and says she's under stress, etc. I'd let it go and be in the wedding. If she goes on about how horrible you are, stick to your guns and drop out.

    The bigger issue I'd have is the promiscuity at the hotel in vegas - and now she's getting married? Do you even think she's mature enough to get married?
  • Sep 17, 2012, 11:35 AM
    JudyKayTee
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Rockstar714 View Post
    In a way it kind of is. .

    - Then I would bow out gracefully with as short an explanation as humanly possible.
  • Sep 17, 2012, 12:01 PM
    Rockstar714
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by dontknownuthin View Post
    I would tell her, "from the way you are speaking to and treating me, I am of the impression that you don't like or respect me so I'm having a hard time knowing why I am your maid of honor". See what she says. If she apologizes and says she's under stress, etc., I'd let it go and be in the wedding. If she goes on about how horrible you are, stick to your guns and drop out.

    The bigger issue I'd have is the promiscuity at the hotel in vegas - and now she's getting married? Do you even think she's mature enough to get married?
    Well, the Vegas stuff was a month before she had even met the guy, and they've been together for almost 2 years. I don't think she's mature enough, and I never will, but she has grown up a litle bit.

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