Yesterday, my home have relatives problem. Although it is not directly concerened to me, but they said bad things and shout to my mother although she did nothing wrong( actually this problem also not directly concerned to her).
I have never shout to a woman except for joking each other. I don't know women's right or something but I really hate this behaviour.
Pleae let me tell my relative's problems as much as this.


The problem is that I can't control my anger. Yesterday, I also had problems with them and I want to hit them. But I can't stay at jail and I controlled my hands. But to this time(may have 20 hours) and I am still angry and I can't control my emotions. Seems like my hormone system is something wrong. Should I go to meet doctor to take some medicine or what should I do? Do you have your own personal techniques?

I took a quick look at some of your old questions.
You are a young man (how old?) who lives at home, practices martial arts, wonders about visiting the home of a new celebrity who lives in your city.. (how did that go, BTW)?

I would suggest three things to help with your anger:
Work on a career path. Not by reading books on how to get rich, but by taking courses and learning on the job.
Get out with friends more, and meet girls in person, to learn all the thousands of little things about relationships so vital in real life.
Go talk with your martial arts instructor. You know it's so much more than fighting techniques, I'm sure. Many young men have too much testosterone for some years, and need extra help controlling the anger that is one unfortunate side effect. Thousands of years ago, testosterone was vital for men, in a very short, brutal life, not much different from the lives of other animals just fighting to survive, eat, and protect their young.

Aside from all that, assuming that you are in your early 20s (?), it's time to get away from parents providing your housing, food, doing your laundry, paying your internet, and so on... it doesn't feel adult, does it? Could be part of your general anger.

joypulv

I don't know who you are. I am just asking techniques for anger management. You know it, you tell it. Very simple. According to my understanding of English, my writing have nothing to bother you.
You can look my old questions. This is your freedom. I recognize it that you care me like your friend. But, in your answer I saw nothing but you said me as like as stupid person to think unrealistic things. (appreciate for testosterone explanation)
Is there something wrong to discuss and ask different ideas about books, hobbies, relationships and life problems? Everybody know what is realistic thing. But is there something wrong to ask before do something?
Hey joypuly, I am just asking about anger management and you make me stupid person in public space. Thank you for making higher my anger level.
If you are owner or some important person of this website, I will never use this website again.

WOW, I apologize! For what, I'm not sure. I in NO WAY think you are stupid! I tend to control my own anger more with changes to my life first, and changes to my emotional mindset second.
For instance, one way I control anger and depression is to think about science topics relating to the universe, space, time, the formation of the earth, evolution of man, and anything either really really huge, old, or tiny.
Even I, a woman, have testosterone. Just not as much as men. This is a well known fact. Some people even get their levels tested, when they feel that it controls their lives too much.

I happen to think that anger management techniques are sort of OK but mostly not much help unless in a group of people talking to each other about how it works for them. And they don't work in a vacuum. They work in the context of your whole life. That's why I brought up the girl, and your home life, and your future.
I have spent a lot of years (I'm 70) in general therapy groups. Some people were very angry. One guy even killed a car salesman who wouldn't sell him a car when he was a teenager.

I am not an owner. I am important to my cat. Cheers and good luck. I stand by my advice.

The best way to control your anger is think before you act or speak, and be prepared to deal with people from the position of being cool, calm and collected. Like anything anger management is to be practiced until it becomes second nature and automatic. Count to ten, and if still angry count to ten again until you feel the anger/emotions subside and the BRAIN can kick in.

With relatives though, people you know and have known, you should already have experience in how they act and behave, so it should be no surprise to you.

How did your mother handle them? Often our elders can have the right lessons to learn and emulate just by observation, or talking to them. Did you? I doubt this is the first time your relatives have angered you, nor will it be the last, and it probably goes way back before your time among the older ones and trickles down to the younger ones.

The real key to understanding others is never take their behavior so personally you cannot recognize that an rude, ignorant, uncaring person is just that, rude, ignorant and uncaring, and that's the best they can do, and has nothing to do with anyone else but them.

If you cannot forgive or understand then remove yourself and get your own emotion under control, because it's seldom a good outcome to let anyone push your buttons and drag you down to their level.

Often such behavior is them covering or hiding their own shortcomings, or lack of skills at being able to deal with THEMSELVES. So why take such things to heart and let resentments build in your own heart? Practicing restraints allows you to see through these annoying actions of others, relatives or otherwise and brings you the understanding to deal with them. Understanding brings PATIENCE to get positive outcomes so start counting, and remove yourself if you have to, for as long as you have to, so you are not distracted by your own anger.

Being angry teaches NOTHING, but bad impulsive thoughts and behavior, and keeps you from FACTS you can learn from.

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If you are owner or some important person of this website, I will never use this website again.

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Not only was that rude, but also reflects the truth of the posters words. Just saying.

joypulv


I also apologize. Because of your age and therapy experiences, your thinking style teach me really useful things. As I am very younger than you, I can't think like you by myself. We younger people look for short term solutions and lack of viewing from another (large)sides. Now, I think that I am lucky to get your advices and I will reconsider those.
I am from east and we have to live with parents until we got married. I think you also know this culture. But your thinking will help me when I plan my life again. I am now doing own little business and studying marketing to support my business.
Because I was in anger mood, I think I wrote some inappropriate(rude) words. I really feel sorry for misunderstanding your advices.


Thank you for your answers. I will save your words.


May God bless you. Long Live!

talaniman

OK. The first thing is I am not enlightened person and I have my own limit to control anger.


I am just requested them to not to shout. I can't treat people with patience who don't solve problem calmly.


I also don't want to build bad things in my heart. I am now sitting and typing keyboard instead of saying bad languages and fight. Don't you think I am trying very hard?


Thank you for your counting techniques. You explain me understanding and remove myself from those. I will choose second one.


I know I wrote rude and I apologize to her. Don't say just saying. It's OK.


Thank you. Good Luck

I get it my young friend that you are young, and inexperienced, and have growing (RE: learning, mostly about YOURSELF) to do, and this can be both troublesome, frustrating, and PAINFUL. I feel YA'!

Yes, you get credit for trying, just know it's a never ending process, and even us oldsters still have to keep practicing what we preach to you youngsters. 8D

PRACTICE makes perfect so practice good habits of good behavior. Takes time so practice patience first! Some learn quicker than others, and sadly some never learn. Pity them that never learn and you won't be angry at them!

Good luck to you too!

talaniman

I know your meaning. Controlling anger is a never ending process. I will try to increase my patience limit. The one thing we have to glad is that I am willing to learn.
Pity them? This is master level and seems like something spiritual. One day I hope to do this but not today. As you said remove myself from those, this help me.
Thank you for your advises and giving your times.

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Pity them? This is master level and seems like something spiritual.

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Maybe it is, but to clarify it becomes foolish to act from anger when you cannot control the words and actions of others that anger you. With practice you channel YOUR anger to the more PRODUCTIVE emotion of pity, so YOUR thoughts and actions are better controlled, and not impulsive.

In this way you allow your own thought process to work for you and do NOT pay the consequences of impulsive, thoughtless words, or actions, because of decisions made from anger. It is always a good thing to step back from ones anger, and the hurt, frustration, and confusion the anger brings with it.

I hear ya' that maybe you are not ready for that step yet, or more accurately don't want to take that step being it's easier said than done, as us humans love to wallow in the self righteousness of our anger and disdain for what we think are lesser fools. That's dangerous thinking however good you feel about it short term. It will bite you in the butt eventually and retard your own growth.

Some learn the hard way though, many years later.

talaniman

I WILL TRY MY BEST.