10 years marriage-stay home mom 8 years. Now have job and husband has trust issues
Thank you for reading.
Long story, short version. Met husband 12 years ago... both were social bar fly's. I love to dance and listen music and so did he. As we've aged (40 now) I still love music and dancing and hanging with friends once every few months to dinner and perhaps a lounge place. He no longer does this with his friends. I have 3 kids 4,7,9 and breastfed all of them for a year each. During my 6 years of birthing children and BF, I rarely went out, but my husband did. Now that my kids are a little older, I hang with girlfriends every few months. He is now extremely jealous and thinks I'm out picking up on guys and freaking them. One time 12 years ago when we first met, I drank too much and "freaked" the DJ, along with 3 other drunk ladies and he always points that out as how I act. I used to not handle my liquor very well back before kids but know I never go overboard but somehow he remembers the past and projects it on the our current life. He has always found a problem with my friends. Hates that I go to lunch with my mom once a month and when I went to nursing school from Aug 2010 to May 2012, he constantly was checking up on me, putting trackers on my phone, email, etc. He changes the password on my =Facebook so he can have access to it. When I ask him why he does this, he says because your dishonest.
When he says I'm dishonest he is referring to, when I go out to dinner with girls from nursing school, he'll ask where you going? Dinner to soso with girls... we'll a couple drinks into the dinner, of course we want to keep our night going, so we have more drinks at a lounge or dance club. Yes, we dance with eac other and chat. Innocent fun, nothing ever more. I would never give any other man the time of day anyway but he thinks I'm doing all these bad things. He says "i know what guys do at bars"... what? They don't do it to me. I'm going crazy over this. It's getting worse and worse. He even put our three children in the car at midnight one time to go see if I was a the place I said I would be at. He blacked out the stickers on my minivan so I guess I wouldn't recognize it was mine?
I also work now as a nurse the 7pm to 7am shift. I'm tired all the time and my internal clock is off. He doesn't understand this and gives me crap about day sleeping. We have been in counseling over the last 6 years off and on about the same stuff... I don't do enough (as stay home mom) so I go back to school (now I'm a nurse) and I still don't do enough for him because our sex life sucks (1 every 2 months) sorry I've lost my drive for some reason. I'm not a super affectionate person (grew up that way) hard for me to hug people (unless it's my kids) and he hates that part about me. Now I have a job and I'm still not doing enough because "I'm sleeping all the time" again I work night shift.
I planned this beautiful weekend away to Napa County and have the most amazing time and great intimacy, come home a week later, I go to dinner with the girls from nursing school, then we end up at a lounge where we congregated in a circle and chatted for an hour and then went home. He didn't talk to me for the last week and in counseling yesterday, told me, I'm a lair and I faked our whole intimate weekend. I'm not sure more what I can do besides STOP having a life outside of him. No more going out with friends, mom, sister... please help me.