Ask Me Help Desk - My boyfriend accidentally killed himself?

My boyfriend accidentally killed himself to prove to my family that he loves me , he wanted to hurt himself so that my parents would agree to our marriage and to show everyone that he loved and cared for me but sadly he died.. Ever since he died I just want to kill myself or do something that would make me forget the pain .

You REALLY need to seek out professional counseling to help you through this rough patch in your life.

You WILL get through it... he made the wrong choice (rash decisions are never correct)... learn from it and make the right one... life does go on... you don't want to miss out on what the future has in hold for you. And it does hold many good things.

He obviously was not thinking clearly, since hurting his self would only make your parents think less of him, but that is what happens when people have emotional or mental issues.

You often will need professional help, time does help, but living your life in honor of him, perhaps working in a way that would make a difference to others

Quote:

Originally Posted by BELLA2001

My boyfriend accidentally killed himself to prove to my family that he loves me , he wanted to hurt himself so that my parents would agree to our marriage and to show everyone that he loved and cared for me but sadly he died.. Ever since he died i just want to kill myself or do something that would make me forget the pain .

I presume that you were in a relationship with a man who your parents did not approve of. Without their approval, you could not marry him.

Considering cultural restrictions on marriage due to caste etc. I presume that the both of you did try everything else to convince your parents to allow the marriage to take place. And, sadly, they did not. His extreme measure to prove his love for you by hurting himself, unfortunately went too far, and he died as a result of his actions.

The pressure must have been enormous for both of you, for things to have gone as far as they did. Perhaps even if he had survived, they would still not have approved the marriage, so really, his act of desperation was such a waste. I'm very sorry you are living the consequences of this sad situation.

I'm sure you have thought of the 'what if's'... for example had your parents approved of you marrying him. To love someone and marry them as you envisioned, and plan a future with children and a long life together. I think it is more likely than not, that you are grieving the loss of many things in addition to your boyfriends death.

As you work your way through this, what worries me in situations like this, is that you do not get the support you need, in order to heal. If it is at all possible for you speak to a friend, or counsellor I think it would help. If there is a University with women's services and access to counselling, that may be a good venue as well.

The unthinkable knowledge that he did not intend to die, but to make a desperate attempt to convince your parents to allow the marriage, is not going to be easy to work through. But please realize that what he did was ultimately his decision to make. You cannot help that he felt this was his only choice to make at the time. He devised his plan, and carried it through; unfortunately to death. It is sometimes impossible, if not always impossible, to get through, or prevent someone taking any extreme measures with their life. I am sure that had you known the possible consequence, you would have done what you could to stop him, but, he was determined enough to risk death, and decided, himself, to go ahead anyway.

There are some things that are out of your control, and this being one of them. You did not force him to do anything; the pain you feel is a result of his decision, not yours.

Please try to seek help in coping with the terrible loss you feel. I hope you are not alone in your grief, and that you have someone nearby that you trust, to talk to.

All the best to you, and I am very sorry for your loss.

This is a worldwide site, and many responders from the US, Europe, Canada, Australia, etc, are in cultures where parents' demands about marriage are much more often ignored or at least denied. The two young people in love simply run off and get married, or get married right under the noses of the parents.

Perhaps where you are you could find a few young people in your situation and help them. This might give your own life some meaning at a time when it probably doesn't have any.

This site often receives questions about forbidden love, usually because of caste or religion. Perhaps you could help talk to some of those people. I see at least 2 such questions a day. Some have difficulty with English, and if you speak another language, you could talk to each other in the shared language.

Your boyfriend would have wanted you to live. Don't think anything crazy, and please visit a professional. Mean while, don't be alone at all cost. Be with friends who care for you.
Keep in mind that you don't want to cause anymore pain to people who love and care for you. You don't have to forget him, but you will learn to live with this incident. His wishes are always with you, live for him too.