Re: My Daughter hates me!
Sounds like your mom spoils her a little like a grandma surpose to do. As for you She will come to you when she needs you but your mom does have to help as to push the attenion towards you. Do u get me?
Re: My Daughter hates me!
Here's another perspective.
Young and even older children don't know how to put their feelings into words, they can only act out in response to them. It sounds to me like she is angry at you, and more then likely, not because of anything you've done, but what you haven't done. She isn't capable of understanding your adult reasons and situations, and when she got to spend that time with you and your husband without the intrusion of all those other people, she probably began to feel secure in your relationship and love for her. Then you come home, and all of that is gone again because, again... you aren't giving the attention you were when these other people weren't involved. She doesn't hate you, she loves you. If she didn't, she wouldn't be mad. You have to find a way to limit her exposure to these other people, and show her that she is your primary love and priority. The only way to do that for a small child is to be consistent. Consistently spend time with her, consistently take responsibility for her primary care... dressing, diaper changing, feeding... etc, the basic needs. Do you work? If not, lose the nanny. If so, when you get home, take your daughter to your or her room and spend at least an hour doing nothing but focusing on her. Be persistent. Show her how much you love her. And when she is angry or mean to you, don't show her your hurt, don't show her your adult emotions, don't try to explain. Just tell her that no matter what she says, or how she acts, she means more to you then anything else in the world, and that even her being mean can't make you stop loving her. If she says I hate you, don't give it merit, ignore it... and just say... that's too bad, because no matter how much you hate me, I love you.
Don't give her the reaction she 's looking for, and don't give in, and allow her to go to someone else. She wants you to prove yourself... she is testing your commitment to her without even knowing it. She is unconsciously seeing how much you really do love her... how much do you really want to spend time with her, or will you do the easy thing and let someone else deal with her.
She needs to feel secure in your commitment and relationship, and until you show her that she can be, she won't be. And it will take time, but it will work.
Re: My Daughter hates me!
Your daughter needs your attention now, not your mothers attention. You need to get the point acrossed to your mother and help that she is your daughter not theirs.point out to them that you did give birth to her not them. They try and test you with blackmail or accusations, but when it came down to it, none of that matters, you're daughter will grow and yet your relationship with her will not unless you do something about it now. Don't wait till she is older, cause if you wait too long you will lose her for good.
Re: My Daughter hates me!
Take your kid and run for the hills!!
On your way out of that prison you call home, find a therapist. Your child is going to need proffessional help to bounce back from this one. Therapy, love, patience and a more reasonable environment will help a great deal. Just don't let them put her on any medication. Until you can leave, put your foot down! If you already know your mother is prone to emotional blackmail, be prepared for it and don't let it bother you. Be prepared for some blackmail of your own. Tell her if she keeps it up, not only will you leave but she will be denied any further contact. Another good thing would be for your husband to bring his butt home and get a job here in the US and help you. The sooner you start reconditioning your child and your family, the better off you will be.
Re: My Daughter hates me!
I totally agree with scorpio.
If you cannot live as an independent person in that house, you should leave. The best thing for a child is to be with his mother. There should be a predictable program in the day, getting up, eating, dressing and so on.
Your mother is not going to see you as an independent person, when you let yourself and your daugther to be pushed around.
Think of a solution, living with your in-laws can put you in the very same situation, you should thinkt about this very carefully. Isn't it possible to go live with your husband abroad?
Your child needs peace and quiet, predictability and love.
It is important to bring about a situation asap, in which your child can get attached to you. Your mother is elder and she will not be around long enough to guide your child through life, although she may think she does the good thing.
Take responsibility fast and get yourself out of this situation. Do not surf the internet and flee from the problems. Do something. Running away and leaving your daugther will only make you more depressive. You don't want your daugther to end in child care institutions? Well that is exactly what is going to happen when you are not there and your mother dies, or if they think she is too old to take care of such a young child.
DO SOMETHING
P.S. I do not think a 2-year old needs therapy. Humbug. It needs a stable environment asap (and you need some independence too, you don't want to live with your mother until you are sixty, do you?). Children can get over many things perfectly well when put in the right environment.
Re: My Daughter hates me!
My daugter is 18 going on 19, she got her licence a few months ago so we gave her one of our used cars as we wanted her to be same
She works part time and is getting ready to go to a local college
To make a long story short our daugter and a 40 year old boss were getting a little to close for comfort, hanging out after hours, meeting places calling each other and etc ,we as parents didn't know what to do but before we had a chance coworkers brought this to the attention of the main boss who after investagating fired the mgr
Anyway our daughter sees to be very hateful towards us, we suggested she live home whil going to college since its local so she cad save money as she got a scholership that covers everything except the dorm room which she would have to pay for
She won't have any part of it, in fact any time we ask her in a very nice way for any help or to pick up our younger daughter right down the street or anything simple the remark she says is I'll be out of here in a month
Can't understand why she has this anger towards us when we've given her everything
It hurts that she feels this way and I know its tearing a hole in my wife's heart
My daughter now feels we should by her some new cloths cor college as she needs her money for other things, I told my wife I think she confused, the girls complains she wants to be on her own, she doesn't need anyone to do anything for her has all these extra bills like a cell phone, a dditional phone line in her room, internet service on her cell so she does not miss any emails or chat sessions from her friends when she is not home, I advised my wife if she wants to be on her own then she needs to do it on her own and get her priaritys straight , welcome to the real world, can't afford it then you can't have it just like the rest of us who have a wish list of things we want to have someday
I don't think I was wrong saying that, its how I feel ,can't help it ,we've done everything for this kid and she treats us both with such disrespect abnd hate
I love her but I think a taste of reality is what it will take to get her brain working again ,seems like ever since she turned 18 she has changed, feels no one tells her what to do or where she can go, if I knew this is how she was going to be I would have never gave her my car ,I would have made her work and save for her own
Any advise anyone??
Where did I go wrong??