I've never had to go on a site like this before and I've never had to deal with what I saw last night. I've been seeing a girl on and off for the last year. We've broken up repeatedly - I've ended it each time - due to her possessiveness and strange behavior (ie going through my computer and emails, and generally strange episodes that would take too long to divulge here). Last night she came over while I was in bed - we had been "taking a break" from seeing each other yet again - and lost it. She threw my computer across the room, attacked me, trashed the room in whatever way she could... all the hallmarks of a psychotic girlfriend. When I went to call the police she broke my cell phone in half (it's a flip-open phone) and began destroying anything she had ever given me. Finally I got her to leave.

Here's my question: I filed a police report for the property damage and battery. I'm scratched and bruised to all hell but the police didn't take the matter incredibly seriously because I'm a guy I think. I need a restraining order or something to prevent further episodes but am completely unfamiliar with the process. Also I'm afraid that if she even has one bruise on her - I had to restrain her repeatedly - that I'll end up in jail. We also work together (but rarely see each other - it's a large place) and she could easily poison what is a new job for me. I really don't know what to do. This isn't supposed to happen to guys and taking further legal steps is embarrassing but I know it needs done. Any advice on how to proceed would be much appreciated.

Go directly to the Superior Court for the county of your residence and apply for the restraining order. Normally the judge will issue a temporary restraining order and schedule a hearing which you'll both have to attend and give testimony to determine whether a permanent restraining order is warranted. I know it may be embarrassing but you may also want to seek medical treatment for your scratches and bruises so there's a written record. Also the medical personnel who attend you will be required to report the abuse. It'll help strengthen your case.

Abuse is perpetrated by women as well as men. Psychos come in many forms. Some society is slow to recognise this, sadly. I am so sorry-- what a rude awakening this must be for you. You were right to call the police and insist they file a report -- screw how the police acted, okay?

I am not sure I would advise seeking a restraining order for the same reasons I would be if you were female. They tend to just enflame those who are beyond reason. I would suggest you simply shut down your end of this completely. If you see her at work, nod and the first time she attempts more, state emphatically there is nothing further to say and walk away. From then on nod and do or say ABSOLUTELY nothing-- except to perhaps walk away, if necessary. If she shows up at your house again, call the police again and press trespassing charges.

I have known psychos like you are describing and if you give them nothing to interact with, they usually go away sooner. If you must take action-- take small dispassionate (I know, that's a tall order) steps with authorities. If you have to lay down a pattern of threat from her, the more on an official record for an attorney to work with, the better. Cianci made an excellent suggestion about seeking medical care too.

Also, do you have homeowners or renters insurance? If so, you might want to run the property damage by your agent to hear what all is involved with that before you put a claim into motion. Just a few thoughts I hope was helpful from someone who's was stalked and threatened. This isn't supposed to happen to anyone, but it does.