I want to live with my dad. He says I'm of legal age in Indiana to decide that. Mom says he would have to prove she's an unfit mother. Which one is right?

:confused:

There are lots of threads with this question. The only answer I've seen is this: Until you are 18 it is up to the judge. You can make your feelings known to the judge and he may, or may not take them into consideration.

Some states will allow for a minor to give his/her input, but ultimately it is up to the court until you are 18. If your father wants you to live with him, he needs to go to court and request a change of custody. If he can prove good reason, the court might entertain his request, at which point the judge *might* ask you what you want.

Basically your mom is right - although proving her unfit is not necessary if she agrees to the change of custody.

Something for you to read first.
A Child's Choice: What Is The Right Age For A Child To Choose Which Parent To Live With?

Consider asking your parents for JOINT CUSTODY OF THEM. You stay in one home and each lives there for three weeks than switch.

Have your father sign up for Dads House to learn what he needs to do if he has to file for a challenge

The child can never "decide" they may in most states testify in court as to what they would like, but the judges still look at all the other evidence and to what is best for the child. Since one parent could easily promise a car if they came to them and so on, So it is not as easy as what the child wants.

Neither of your parents are correct. Some states do, in fact, have specific guidelines as to how much weight to put on the child's wishes. But the decision is still the judges. Your father is misunderstanding the law.

What has to happen now, though, is your father needs to petition on court for a modification of custody. Nothing can happen without that. The judge will then hear the case and listen to your preference. Your father does not have toi prove your mother unfit, just prove why its in your best interests for you to come live with him.

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

The child can never "decide" they may in most states testify in court as to what they would like, but the judges still look at all the other evidence and to what is best for the child. Since one parent could easily promise a car if they came to them and so on, So it is not as easy as what the child wants.

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You should have read the article. In Texas they can chose at age 12. It's the only state that allows it. The article is not about father's rights, it's about the maturity of children to choose.

The second link addresses the possibility of not choosing between them, but having them both. It's called Bird Nest custody. I'm monitoring a few such cases right now and believe it should be the standard.

As for Dad House, if he has to file for custody, it gives him over 150 pages of needed info to do so. I don't charge for any of the info. I created the manual with the help of a newly graduated family law attorney I paid to work on it with me.

I have 20 years experience in this.

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Originally Posted by GeorgeMcCasland

You should have read the article. In Texas they can chose at age 12. It's the only state that allows it. The article is not about father's rights, it's about the maturity of children to choose.

The second link addresses the possibility of not choosing between them, but having them both. It's called Bird Nest custody. I'm monitoring a few such cases right now and believe it should be the standard.

As for Dad House, if he has to file for custody, it gives him over 150 pages of needed info to do so. I don't charge for any of the info. I created the manual with the help of a newly graduated family law attorney I paid to work on it with me.

I have 20 years experience in this.

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From what I had read of the article it stated that the judge has to consider it but that doesn't mean that the child chooses. There is a huge difference. Also with regards to this site we do have actual practicing lawyers on here and we don't ask that they make it known as well as we don't recommend any specific lawyer or firm to anyone. So your walking a fine line as being SPAM. We appreciate your answers but they shouldn't all point back to your ventures.

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Originally Posted by califdadof3

From what I had read of the article it stated that the judge has to consider it but that doesnt mean that the child chooses. There is a huge difference. Also with regaurds to this site we do have actual practicing lawyers on here and we dont ask that they make it known as well as we dont recomend any specific lawyer or firm to anyone. So your walking a fine line as being SPAM. We appreciate your answers but they shouldnt all point back to your ventures.

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What ventures do you think I have? Have you found anything from which I collect any money? What I received free I give away free.

As for attorneys on here, the last conference I organized was certified for continuing education credit for attorneys. I don't recommend, or trust, most attorneys, including some so called father's rights attorneys. My manual teaches fathers how to interview several attorneys and how to determine which to hire.

When I first created the manual in 1992 for the National Congress for Fathers & Children, it did bring in donations to the group, as a result. When I joined they were ten years old and had a $5000 annual budget. By 1996, I had brought in $1.4 million in donations of less than $100 each. Absolutely no corporate donations. In 1996, a bunch of attorneys got control of the board, closed the full time staffed office I had build in Kansas City (KS) and moved it to Beverly Hills, Ca. Six months later, everything was crashed. I don't SPAM or collect money for my work. I recommend the best resources. Suggesting that I'm SPAMMING is a direct insult to me and the years of work I've put in to this.

One final question. How many fathers have you helped through the grief after burying the child killed by the mother, after years of him trying to make the courts and family services understand the child was in danger?

First I am very sorry:( that you find yourself in this situation. It is very tough to not hurt your children when parents struggle. Unfortunately you are still a minor and as such your custody is what ever the court decreed when your folks ended their marriage. If you can settle this without getting the court involved that would be the best. Have you ever heard of Dr Laura? She is a huge advocate for children. I think if you had the opportunity to call her with one or both of your parents she could really help you and your folks work through this in a way that might help your family start to heal. You can call her for free between 1 - 4 mountain time at 1 800-dr laura. Or look her up on the web at Dr. Laura
Good Luck

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Originally Posted by GeorgeMcCasland

Suggesting that I'm SPAMMING is a direct insult to me and the years of work I've put in to this.

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Welcome to the internet. Deal with being insulted. But spam is spam, even if it offends you. Your spamming offends all of us that actually post individual responses and spend time researching specific cases.

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Originally Posted by GeorgeMcCasland

One final question. How many fathers have you helped through the grief after burying the child killed by the mother, after years of him trying to make the courts and family services understand the child was in danger?

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What exactly does this have to do with anything? Does is make you proud? <edited by author>

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Originally Posted by GeorgeMcCasland

You should have read the article. In Texas they can chose at age 12. It's the only state that allows it. The article is not about father's rights, it's about the maturity of children to choose.

I have 20 years experience in this.

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Having 20 years of experience in this should enable you to present the FACTS, not misinformation.

I read the article and here's what it says:
Only Texas has a law regarding the choice of the child that requires a judge to take it into consideration:
Child's Choice of Managing Conservator (custodial or primary residential parent)
If the child is 10 years of age or older, the child may, by writing filed with the court, choose the managing conservator, subject to the approval of the court. TEX.FAM.CODE ANN. § 153.008. The court retains discretion to determine whether to honor the child's choice

Clearly this states that it is the JUDGE's decision. Also I recall seeing the law in another state, (Indiana, I believe) that had similar statute, where a judge was advised to accept the child's choice unless it wasn't deemed in the best interest of the child. So the article you are quoting is incorrect. Maybe its time to get some new sources.

Your own link supports what Chuck and I said. This calls into question most of your advice, since you seem to spin it to fit your agenda. That is not acceptable on this site.

I do think you are a staunch advocate for father's rights. But answers here need to reflect the latter of the law.

Scott: I got started with Mr. McCasland late last night (Pacific Time) when I guess most of you were in bed; but I decided it needed to stop because I was going around in circles with him. Then he said the "nurse" was telling him it was time for bed and he had to go (he's apparently in some nursing home)... well, that said a lot.

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Originally Posted by GeorgeMcCasland

What ventures do you think I have? Have you found anything from which I collect any money? What I received free I give away free.

As for attorneys on here, the last conference I organized was certified for continuing education credit for attorneys. I don't recommend, or trust, most attorneys, including some so called father's rights attorneys. My manual teaches fathers how to interview several attorneys and how to determine which to hire.

When I first created the manual in 1992 for the National Congress for Fathers & Children, it did bring in donations to the group, as a result. When I joined they were ten years old and had a $5000 annual budget. By 1996, I had brought in $1.4 million in donations of less than $100 each. Absolutely no corporate donations. In 1996, a bunch of attorneys got control of the board, closed the full time staffed office I had build in Kansas City (KS) and moved it to Beverly Hills, Ca. Six months later, everything was crashed. I don't SPAM or collect money for my work. I recommend the best resources. Suggesting that I'm SPAMMING is a direct insult to me and the years of work I've put in to this.

One final question. How many fathers have you helped through the grief after burying the child killed by the mother, after years of him trying to make the courts and family services understand the child was in danger?

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Im not trying to demean your answers that you have based on experience. As noted I used the word boarder line. We here mostly work on a group basis and correct each other when needed to try to give the best possible answers to the person asking the question without bias. Maybe you don't know this already so Im going to post a link for you. But spam is the repeated information such as constant cut and paste as you have done.

What is spam?

We all support others in our own way. So its not that your knowlage isn't wanted its just I myself would like to see it tailored to a greater degree aimed directly at the OP rather then the cut and paste job. Maybe Im off base. And if it offends you to say so Im sorry but that's my opinion.