Originally Posted by in a state
i'll soon be 21.i've only had three boyfriends in my entire life.my first relationship lasted only one month-he left me for his ex girlfriend;the second one-two months or so,he left me because i wouldn't have sex with him(i was a virgin,you see,and was i scared because i wanted it to be special...you know,just like every girl dreams.he knew that but still he wasn't patient...plus we didnt get along that well anyhow,so it doesn't matter now.)
Then i went to college.and there there was this guy(he's 22) who came up to me and said he liked me and wanted to go out with me.
he said he had the impression that we are the same.
he was really sweet and pure and i was flattered,but a bit confused too,because i really wasn't expecting it.i hadn't even noticed him until that day at class.
but i had a crush on someone else and i didn't find anything special about him at the moment,so i tried to keep it polite and nice and simple ''i'm just not interested in that right now.we can talk and be friends but give me some space''.
poor guy,he asked some colleague for my phone number...and whenever he rang i wouldn't answer.i just wasn't interested.and you know how it is,when you want nothing to do with someone and they keep trying to reach you...ooh!those were the days :( after one year,the wheels have turned.
So anyway,i kept ignoring him or kept minimal contact for almost three months.in the meantime,i got over my crush...he now had a girlfriend so i had to move on.(it hurt a bit.)
one morning,after i came home from a party,he came up to me on the internet chat.i was a bit drunk-therefore sociable,talkative-so we chatted for some time and i actually had fun.
so i decided to be more open and continued talking to him for the next few days.and he was actually quite interesting.i finally told him to go out
we dated for a month,just getting to know each other.i still had my doubts about him.
Finally we kissed and that was the beginning of a beautiful period in my life.we had fun.his friends liked me,my friends liked him.everything was just natural.
He was patient.and he was great.i really trusted him... i fell in love with him!!!my first love!
His only problem was that he smokes pot.everyday.i thought that it wouldn't be a problem since he did function very well on all aspects of his life-he didn't ignore his responsibilities.
After 6 months he broke up with me.he said he realized that it just wasn't the right time for him to have a girlfriend and needed space.but he cares for me cause i am sooo great :rolleyes: i had the worst summer ever.i cried 24/7
Then he said he wanted to get back together,that he's ok now and misses me
i hesitated,but i decided to give him a shot.i felt like i couldn't live without him anyway.
After a month he started ignoring me.i was so angry!he wouldn't listen to me whenever i felt we needed to sort things out so i dumped him.it was hard...
And when i finally was back on track,he came back saying he loved me and promised to change and stop smoking blabla what didnt he promise?!after looong talks on different occasions i gave in.our last month together was really great,i felt even more connected to him than ever.but he didnt respect his promises.he never quit
two weeks ago he broke up with me.AGAIN.OVER THE PHONE.for the same reasons-he's not ready.
so there's no space for me in his life right now.but i want him back.for the 723101447321th time.i know i'm pathetic,everyone says i should let go,he doesn't deserve me or give a rat's about me.but i don't wanna hear that.they don't know how i feel about him.i can't even look at my body because i remember his.GOD
in two days there's a party which i know he's attending.i don't know if i should go.i haven't spoken to him since we broke up...haven't seen him.and i miss him so much,i can't stop crying or thinking about...all this.i NEED him back.my parents and friends are sick of hearing about it.
it's your turn to support me.somehow.please please do