I'm 18 and I want to move in with my boyfriend
I'm 18 years old and I have a serious dilemma...
I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year now and my parents hate him. He's older than me and we started a relationship when I was 17... We kept it a secret from my parents because I knew they would object. After 3 months of talking and seeing each other I told my parents about him. They basically hate him... They look down on him for courting me without their permission when I was underage. He lives at home with his family, he's Mexican and is tattooed, which makes it even worse for my parents. They see him as "their worst nightmare" and "an embarrassment to this well to do middle class family"...
My boyfriend has a job and lives at his mother's because he's remodeling his house, which he lived in on his own for a few years. I also find it hypocritical that my parents are acting like they hold it against him for being Mexican. Especially since my mother is Puerto Rican and my dad is white... I love my boyfriend, I know I'm young and I still have much to learn about life, but he is the only thing I have ever been sure about.
My parents say "he's the one who will gain something out of this relationship, I will only lose", "he's controlling", or "he's limited and will only drag you down"
It has been this way since I first told them about him... I know I've lied when I shouldn't and I snuck around behind their backs when I pretty much knew they wouldn't approve... I made the mistake of trying to "play grown-up" and try to have an adult relationship when I was only 17... I know now it doesn't work that way and I made all the wrong choices about how this relationship should have started. I just didn't want my parents to be involved with my love life. I'm a very private person and I have always had a hard time talking with my parents about things like this.
My dad is bipolar and a recovering alcoholic, which is only a few among very many other problems he has, that I have had to grow up with...
I know my parents love me and only want the best for me and for me to be happy in my life. No one in this world will love me as much as they do, but my boyfriend is what makes me happy. School is different. He has nothing to do with my college. I've chose to leave my family and him for school... Because I feel that if I want to be treated like an adult I should try living like one.
However, I depend solely on my parents. My dad as screamed in my face and woken me up in the middle of the night, just to blame me for the problems he has in his relationship with his parents and my mother. He blames me for everything that goes wrong in this family. And only screams at me to "get the f*** out and live with him" if I "love him so much"... I just can't take the fighting and the constant tension in my house. I can't take doing this to my parents and to my boyfriend. I just want everyone to be happy. But I know it's probably never going to happen.
The fact that my boyfriend is STILL with me tells me how much he cares about me. All of my friends have abandoned me, but not him. My choice to be with the one I love is tearing my family apart... I can't just break up with him like my parents want. That's like someone telling me to cut off the relationship between my mom, dad or little brother. It just hurts too much to think he will never be in my life... I just wish they would have a little faith in me. I know what they want and I'm trying to give it to them. They want me to be independent and happy.
I don't know what to do anymore. I've been contemplating on moving in with him, but he tells me to just stay with my parents and "do the right thing". But I've tried, I just feel that they will fight to keep him away from me... I've cried and cried to my boyfriend about how bad it is here and he has never ONCE told me to run away with him, or given me any idea about how "I shouldn't take their **** because I'm 18 blah blah blah", unlike all of my other friends...
He's my best friend. I can always count on him to tell me the truth about my behavior and give me good advice on how I should deal with my parents. He always there for me. I quit cutting and I quit doing drugs because of him. He gave me a reason to be a better person. I love this man, but my parents hate him...
I need guidance, I need help before I make a mistake that I'll regret! What can I do??