Hi everyone, going to try and keep this short. I need some advice, because I've hit a rut and seriously need some change, but don't know where to go or what to do.

Simply put, I've been married for 7 years and have two small boys. I love my family with all my heart, so there is no unhappiness there. My wife and I are finacially secure, but we could be doing better, and that's where the problem is. I work full time retail and she works part time as a nurse. Doing this provides us with just enough money to live within our means. We own both of our cars and the only debt we carry is our mortgage. That should make me happy right?

The problem is, we never go out or do anything. I mean never. We avoid daycare by working on alternate days, so days off are spent watching the kids, but there is little money to do things with and where I live, the winter is extreamly cold, so staying inside is a must. And when she comes home from work, we get an hour or two to watch TV before it's time for bed. Seven days a week its like this.

I can opt for a promotion to increase our income by an additional 30%, but in order to do so means I have to commit time that would require us to be on an unbalanced schedule and thus would require daycare, which she is against. I feel selfish thinking about taking a promotion that would give us the resources to get out and enjoy things. Then again, my life right now has become increasingly boring. Thanks in advance

Well, you could take the 30% increase, but you will be paying that out in daycare right?

Is your wife PRN? Could she pick up some extra hours once in a while?

Would you be willing to reveal where you live? How old are your children? I'm betting there are many free or low-cost things to do in your area, with or without the children. And at home, be creative and inventive with hobbies, baking, cooking, plus you can make it a fun time to go volunteering together somewhere.

Her current position as an RN has structured hours. Every once in a while she can snag a shift if one of her co-workers wants the day off. She enjoys her position as it is at a surgery center, which has weekends/holidays off. I guess I never thought of the day care costs adding up that much. We do have a sitter who works six days a month for us (wife's good friend who comes to our house), so I assumed the costs would just transfer over. My salary would go from 35k to ~65k after bonuses and stock options. To be honest, I can't say I really want the promotion, as I do enjoy spending time with my family, and the job would take away from that, but I'm just feeling kept in. My brother and his wife make roughly what we do, but they've gone to Vegas and Hawaii a few times and I'm just at my wits end as I want to get out as well. I don't know their financial situation, so it's easy to wonder what I'm doing wrong. Maybe this is something that will pass when the kids start school and I my days off will provide a little more me time.

An old boss of mine used to say "It's better to pay now so you can play later, instead of playing now but having to pay for it later". I just want to play sometimes...

I totally feel your pain. I am an RN as well, but I work nights and holidays. I'm not PRN. My husband works from home and we have 1 in college and a 10 year old still at home. We go nowhere, do nothing!

Christmas shopping is always fun for us. We take 2 days to "blitz shop" and go to lunch and dinner while we are at it. Just finished our shopping today as a matter of fact. Unfortunately this only happens once a year.

Okay, the daycare will eat up that 30% (most likely), this isn't a job that you would like to do should you take the promotion.

Can your wife pick up a once a week PRN shift at another facility?

Sounds like you're a very loving family guy Artizam… With a good head on your shoulders! I can see your head ticking over the math; pros and cons of spending time with your Family – 35k, verses a Promotion – 65k. I also recognize that both of you prioritize; have financial stability, value family time, and just need a bit more playtime together and or individually. Hence your comment; when the kids start school is correct.

So how does one begin to play in the meanwhile? Here I appeal to your good monetary sense… I suggest a budget plan to 'eliminate those non essentials' from your shopping… Goodness knows we buy things we do not ready need that could easily go towards a goal out of the snow?

Discuss each others aspirations in life as that may give you a focus and a goal to fulfill. From this you may gather inspiration by just talking with each other? Where, before you know it you have established a connection to expand your horizon.

Here your old Boss can stick the adage up his jumper (with respect); pay now, play later… :) You could be dead by then! My adage from experience is; “You can always get more money - $$$... You cannot get more time!” I believe you are astute too know my meaning.

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Here your old Boss can stick the adage up his jumper (with respect); pay now, play later… You could be dead by then! My adage from experience is; “You can always get more money - $$$... You cannot get more time!” I believe you are astute too know my meaning.

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I completely agree with this!

To the OP (original poster), not to say that you should spend more than you can afford, but there is something to be said for having fun while you're still young enough to do it. Take a family vacation, make memories, or even just go out on a date with your wife once a month.

My parents saved their entire lives. My dad thankfully made enough money that we went on vacation every summer, usually camping in the mountains for 2 weeks. But, anything big, didn't happen very often, even though they could afford it.

They both dreamed of working until the age of 65, retiring and then taking their savings to buy a motorhome and travel the world, taking their grandkids with them during the summer. This plan is what I heard about my entire life. It was a great plan. I looked forward to it.

My dad died at 60, and my mom at 63. Their dream was never realized.

I have a quote for you, "No man ever lies on his death bed and wishes he had spent more time at work".

Save up for those good times, and get some friends with kids around your kids age. Having fun friends goes along way in having something to look forward to and relieving boredom, and wanderlust, especially in the winter.

Two working people make trade offs between careers and scheduling, and finances, and fun. Review your finances and make some smart choices about your quality of life. Sometimes FUN is the top priority especially when you work hard to provide.

You do have a personal allowance don't you? Find some good clean fun to have during those winter months and make it happen. Got guy friends? What do they do.

I have a saying for you... All work and no play... is no fun whatsoever.

Hi... I think you are doing everything right for your future life together,however I do think that as you say you also need some play time,which doesn't cost a lot.
It's wonderful that you and the children spend quality time together but you and your wife also need time alone.

At least one night a week or maybe a fortnight you should both go out together.It doesn't really matter where as long as it's just the two of you.Often feelings can be lost over time simply by taking them for granted... they then just wither and die.This must not be aloud to happen you must have time alone to nuture and feed your feelings to keep them alive.

Perhaps you can get together a group of parents who baby sit each others children... one week you baby sit... MRS BROWNS... the next week she baby sits yours and so on around the group,you might even get more than one night each week,obviously details between you all would have to be agreed.

The beauty of it all ,is that no money is exchanged... you are helping each other.

It sounds more like you would prefer to have a little more money and that's a separate issue.

There are many spontaneous, fun things you can do with your family on your days off. I live in Canada, so I know that there are many things you can do outdoors in the cold. Why not build forts in the winter with your children? Or snowmen and snow angels? Find a great hill somewhere and take your kids sledding. Sleds shouldn't be expensive and can be used very often. You can also have snowball fights. You can take them skating on a lake if you have a safe place to do so in the winters or simply walk them around the neighbourhood to see the Christmas lights around the holidays. If your children wear snowsuits, have one of them lie on the snow and you and your other children can build a fish tail on them in the snow. Take pictures of your child as a snow mermaid for memories. You can also bring mugs and a thermos of hot chocolate to enjoy on the way home. If there is a lot of snow, you can pull the little ones around on a sled on your walks.

During the spring, fall, and summer, you can go for long walks and make a game out of "I spy with my little eye" with your children on these walks or simply talk with them. It might be nice to have peaceful talks with them at a park. When the snow melts and the weather is nice, you can go for bike rides and walk by the lakes, gardens, and other scenic areas. You can have balloon fights during warm weather. Make homemade bubbles by mixing a bit of dish soap with water and use a wand or straw to blow bubbles.

Throughout the year, you can go bird watching. Try to spot the different types of birds. Visit the public library (it would be great to cultivate a love of reading with them). Allow for family storytime, encourage them to write and share stories. Build forts out of the cushions with them. Maybe encourage them to make sock puppets and write plays and perform with the sock puppets. Visit a museum. Make a movie with them with a video recorder, if you have one.

The possibilities are endless. You can look up "free things to do with kids". If once in a while, you want to treat yourself and your family to a vacation or trip or even to a special night out, speak to your wife about setting up a fun fund for such things. But like I said before, I think an underlying issue is your dissatisfaction with your financial situation. That can only be coped with by talking with your wife for some sort of compromise. Either way, good luck to you.