I wish my relationship was perfect and I want to be the best woman I can possibly be?
I have been in a relationship with a guy for over 4 years (we're in a long distance relationship at the moment) and at first I felt over the moon to have finally found love but now I find myself despairing over how imperfect it seems. My boyfriend, while he tells me every day how much he loves me, doesn't strike me as the romantic type. I met him at university and was 19 when we started dating and he was 18. We both discovered our love for classic geeky stuff like Star Wars, Marvel Comics and a lot more and he would often buy me little presents relating to our interests and while they were nice gifts to get around that age, I'm 24 now and wish that my presents would be a little more meaningful and special and romantic in nature, like a box of chocolates, a bouquet or something, but I never get things like that. However, it's not so much the kind of presents I receive that gets to me the most, he's not really the type to show people how much I mean to him and how special I am to him in real life and on social media where my anxiety and doubts about my relationship are further exacerbated by couples who show each other off and write heartfelt messages about each other followed up with comments from people who tell them how inspirational they are and how much hope they give them for finding love and happiness in the world and so on. It's led me to think that I can't be anyone that special or beautiful if nothing about me inspires him to write messages about me for no other reason than that I have rocked his world and changed it in such a positive way or something. Call it jealousy or whatever you will, but it doesn't change how unremarkable or average I feel in comparison to the women and men who have a special place in the Instagram limelight. To add to this, I used to always post pictures of moments when my boyfriend and I did get to be with each other, in spite of our long distance relationship, believing that if others could succeed in inspiring people with updates on their relationship then so could I, but then I gave up eventually when my comment feed was always left blank and people started unfollowing me. To me, it feels so hypocritical how people get so wrapped up in the lives of a select few Instagram couples but have no regard for others trying so hard to make their relationship known to the world, deciding to unfollow certain people who post the slightest thing related to their relationship while staying loyal to and singing the praises of, as I mentioned, those select few, if anyone understands where I'm coming from? I just want my relationship to be as perfect as it can possibly be, so that I can do two things; be the best romantic partner in the world and grow as a person in my personal life and to also spark people's inspiration and give them hope that true love can be found and that I can be one of many women in the world to be a symbol of that ability.